Thursday, October 11, 2018

Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are.

…Or not. Today is National Coming Out Day and I am not a big fan of it.

A person that I know says on National Coming Out Day she wants to pick up the phone and dial a random number and when they answer just say, “I’m a lesbian” and hang up.

You might expect that I am in favor of it, but I am not. Coming out involves great risks and you should assess the risk before you come out. Know if you have a support network just in case things go bad. Do your parents support LGBT issues or are they opposed to them. Assess the risk if you are coming out in school; know how much support the school administration will give you. These are some of the factors that you should consider before coming out.

Harvey Milk’s quote “Burst down those closet doors and stand up once and for all, and start to fight.” Is okay but think first; will coming out put me in danger?

Have a plan on coming out, just don’t blurt out “I’m trans!” Timing is everything; you don’t want to be sitting down at a family Thanksgiving dinner and just pop it out that you are transgender. When I came out I came out to my brother I had a plan and he was the first person that I came out to because I knew he would be the most supportive.

You don’t want to come out to the whole family at once because all it takes is for one person to have a negative reaction and that could sway the rest of the family. You want to build family allies before you come out to your whole family so that they can speak on your behalf.

When you come out at work you want to tell HR first so that they can prepare to tell the whole company. You don’t want to just send out an email to the whole company that says, “Hey everyone, guess what? I’m trans!”

So be safe, think before you act.

This is a reprint from last year. I'm sitting at the car dealer getting a 20,000 mile check up for my car.


  1. 100% agree with you. You should only come out on Coming Out Day if you have carefully prepared. It took years of therapy and a full year of planning before I came out and went full time. Even if you decide not to live full time, you still need to think this through from every angle and plan, plan, plan, then plan some more.

  2. Speaking of coming out and getting 20,000 mile check-ups, it's also important to stop every once in a while to reflect on how one's coming out is affecting everyone's lives. Don't expect that the act of coming out is the end, as, although it is a major milestone in your life, it is but the beginning of a new journey for others in their relationship with you. Just like with cars, your transition mileage may vary.

    1. "... your transition mileage may vary."
      I love that!