Tick Tock, Tick Tock…

Let’s face we are all getting old but it sure beats the alternative, pushing up daisies, but when you are LGBTQ+ our care is limited. This is an old article but it is still informative.

How to find care for LGBT seniors
PBS News
By Leah Eskenazi, Family Caregiver Alliance
June 11, 2015

I clearly remember the first time I met Herb. He had beautiful white hair framing a handsome face with an inviting smile. But he greeted me with decidedly exhausted eyes.

He introduced me to Charles, who sat in the wheelchair Herb was pushing towards the church entrance where the local dementia day respite program met. As the director of Caregiver Services for a local community hospital — sponsor of the day respite program — my staff and I learned to respect Herb’s fierce independence. He clearly was determined to manage all of the care Charles needed — meal prep, bathing, toileting, dressing, emotional support and more. But the stress was taking a toll on Herb’s health. On the advice of his doctor, Herb finally agreed to take advantage of the two afternoons a week the day program afforded him. It wasn’t until Charles’ death about four years later that we learned, at the memorial service, of Charles and Herb’s 47-year committed relationship.

Twenty-five years ago, when I first met this couple, a community health and social version of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ was common. Herb and Charles grew up during the McCarthy era when any indication of homosexuality was met with pervasive stigma, destructive branding and legal and economic consequences. In select older lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) age groups, and in certain geographic areas and social settings, people remain selective about who and when it feels safe enough to reveal one’s authentic LGBT self. Some individuals may even choose not to disclose their sexual orientation or gender identity to their medical doctor, therapist or community service agency, leaving them unable to gain the full benefit from the services provided. Health and social service professionals at all levels can even contribute to this problem by ignoring or not having time to discuss an older adult’s emotional health concerns and altogether avoiding sexual health in their assessment.

I think the hardest thing about getting help with seniors… is the first step, where to find help. The first step in finding someone to clean, finding someone to take care of your basic home care needs, or for that matter someone to fix the small things around the house.

The LGBT community and long-term care

Today, thanks to dedicated social and political activism fermented in the 1960s and ’70s, LGBT adults reaching their 50s and beyond are seeing incremental improvement in acceptance and assistance by mainstream health practitioners and long-term care community service providers.

Before I came out I used to “Sanitize my house” before family and friends came over to remove anything trans or LGBTQ+ from around the house. Things like the Pride and Trans flags magnets from the refrigerator. As we get older do we need to “Sanitize” our living arrangements? Do we need to take down photos of loved ones from the cleaning crew?

Caregiving
The support that a caregiver receives from friends and family is often critical in relieving stress that can be part of caring for someone who has a chronic debilitating health condition. LGBT caregivers may find that they have less support than they would like from their own — or the care receiver’s — biological family members. Historically, to fill in this gap, many LGBT people have formed strong “families of choice,” a support system comprised of trusted friends, relatives and supportive community service providers.

I have an amazing group of friends, as my mobility has decreased they have helped me clean and do small projects around the house that I can no longer do.

Who will have my Power of Attorney who will have the power of life and death over me? I had my father’s Power of Attorney and one thing that they never tell you is that you are the one to say “Pull the plug.”

I cried, and I cried, and I cried. My father had aspiration pneumonia with some food getting lodge in his lungs. When the doctor and social workers told us that my father’s changes of getting better were almost non-existent I had to say the words. My brother and sister-in-law were with me and we were in agreement but it still came down to me. I had to say the words… pull the plug. It left a scar on my mind that is still there.

Health care and financial decision-making
It is important for LGBT seniors and their caregivers to complete a few key legal documents establishing the right to make care decisions and to document treatment preferences for hospital and health care providers.

Rules governing resources to plan for and pay for long-term care remain an obstacle. We know that same-sex partners do not have access, as married older adults do, to federal family leave benefits, equivalent Medicaid spend-downs, Social Security benefits, bereavement leave, or automatic inheritance of jointly owned real estate and personal property. In addition to spousal impoverishment depending on the state, there may also be differences in how assets in same-sex couples are treated in regard to Medicaid liens, asset transfers and estate recovery.

One last thing…

Dementia
LGBT community members are living longer and with this increase in life expectancy comes the risk of Alzheimer’s disease and related dementias…

A trans friend went in a coma and when she came out of the coma, she didn’t remember that she was trans and then she saw that she had Gender Confirming Surgery. She freaked out! What would happen if her memory didn’t come back?

That affected me greatly… what will happen if we get Alzheimer’s disease and we don’t remember we are trans?

I asked Perplexity AI that question and its answer in part is…

In terms of memory problems specific to transgender individuals with dementia, it has been noted that they may forget aspects of their gender transition. For example, they might forget that they have started or completed gender-affirming surgery or hormone therapy. This can lead to distress and confusion, both for the individual and their caregivers

[…]

Overall, while there is evidence of cognitive decline and dementia among transgender individuals, more research is needed to fully understand the unique challenges they face, including the potential for forgetting significant aspects of their gender transition.

Our minds are very fragile and some times they go before the rest of the body.

Yes We Are.

We are all getting older.

Can you imagine that you are the only trans woman in a 500 bed long term care facility where everyone is shunning you? And you will be there for the rest of your life! It is what nightmares are made of.

LGBTQ elders struggle with health care, housing and isolation
LGBTQ older adults are twice as likely as their heterosexual counterparts to grow old single and living alone, according to SAGE, an advocacy organization for LGBTQ elders.
NBC News
By Andrés González
June 26, 2024

Gene Dinah misses his late husband, Robert Malsberry, every day. He misses Malsberry’s cooking, his love for gardening, the way he fixed things around the house and the way he made him feel special and protected.

“He was just great,” Dinah said of Malsberry, who died in 2019. “I couldn’t have had a better partner.”

The memories of the 46 years the men had together are all around him. Malsberry is in the paintings he bought to decorate their home in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. He is in the medals he received for his service with the Air Force. He is in the photos from a lifetime together.  
A few years back that was a trans woman stuck in a 500 bed long term care center, she was the only trans woman in the facility and she was being shunned by the other residents… I think that is our worst nightmare.
While taking care of his sick husband, Dinah did not think about his own elder years. Now, at 76, he is one of many LGBTQ elders who have no surviving relatives who can take care of them.  

[...]

The challenges LGBTQ elders face overlap with an aging U.S. population. According to the U.S. Census, the population aged 65 or over grew to an unprecedented 55.8 million, or 16.8% of the total population, in 2020. The number of people in the U.S. that are 65 or older is projected to increase by 47% by 2050.

“We treat everyone the same!”

Oh really? Don’t you decorate the LTC for St. Patrick’s Day? What about Cinco de Mayo do you put up Mexican themed  decorations? What do you put up for Pride month? Oh, you don’t decorate for Pride? Well then you don’t treat everyone the same.

An older population exacerbates workforce shortages in senior living facilities and health care institutions, and while this affects many older Americans, LGBTQ elders face unique challenges when compared to their heterosexual counterparts.

In a report published in 2018, SAGE found LGBTQ elders are far more likely than their heterosexual peers “to have faced discrimination, social stigma and the effects of prejudice.” They are therefore, the report found, more likely “to face poverty and homelessness, and to have poor physical and mental health.”

Are you forcing LGBTQ+ people back in the closet by allowing the other residents to harass them?

What about those who chose to live-in-place, to live in their homes, do you train your staff on how to care for LGBTQ+ clients?

Here in Connecticut there was “Getting It Right” from Connecticut Community Care and the LGBTQ+ Moveable Senior Center both went by the wayside when those who championing it retired leaving the program in limbo.

The Connecticut Voice back in 2022 wrote,

A recent study* conducted by the American Advisors Group found that 82 percent of seniors want to remain in their homes for the duration of their lives. Besides the emotional attachment people have to the place where they’ve spent most of their adult lives, there are also additional reasons why the senior LGBTQ+ community, in particular, is opting to age in place at home for as long as possible. One main factor is that some are concerned about being accepted in a senior living community.

As a result, a familiar home feels safe and comfortable. In-home care becomes an attractive option for many as they age and their need for help increases.

That is what I want to do… “Age in place”

Michaud explains how many people don’t realize that the aging LGBTQ+ population needs help, especially when there is someone whose partner has passed on. He says, “Everybody wants to stay in their home, and nobody wants to go into assisted living since it would be a challenge. We are finding people that may have been fully out in their life, and they go back into the closet as they age. They’ve lost their spouse or partner, and they are all alone and are scared. They don’t know if they are going to be judged, and they’re scared to say who they are and be who they are.”

Our other concerns are what will happen if you decide to live in home how will you be treated by the staff that comes into your home?

In turn, Michaud makes sure that all prospective staff members understand that they could potentially be caring for members of the LGBTQ+ community. He explains, “When I interview caregivers, I am upfront with them and ask, ‘How do you feel about gay people? Would you have a problem goinginto the home of a gay or transgender person and taking careof them?’ You have to prepare people for that.”

He also adds that the intake papers the agency uses wereredone to be more comprehensive, saying, “We are asking additional questions to make everybody comfortable. Caregiving is an inclusive system, and you have to find the right person. We take pride in finding the right caregiver for the community as a whole.”

Now if only we can get the Pride centers to have weekly “Elder Days” where LGBTQ+ seniors can come during the day to be with others… in other words, an adult daycare.

 

On Wednesday I wrote about LGBTQ+ community centers need to do more for their senior population.

Also what about:

LGBTQ Bereavement Drop-In Group for those who lost a life partner?
LGBTQ Caregiver Support Group?
LGBTQ Adult Daycare

We of the Stonewall generation should not be put out in pastures.

Near And Dear To Me.

As I enter my twilight years one of my concerns are Long Term Care facility, how they will care for trans seniors.

Revolutionizing Retirement: How LGBTQ Housing Communities Empower LGBTQ Elders to Live Authentically
OutSFL
By Christiana Lilly
11 January 2024

David Kilmnick knew an LGBTQ retirement community was needed when reaching out to elder facilities for educational programs.

The founder and president of the LGBT Network on Long Island, New York, he recalls a facility telling him “we have none of those here,” referring to LGBTQ people.

“I’m not talking this was 50 years ago or 20 years ago,” he says. “This was like five years ago.”

In September 2021, Kilmnick and his nonprofit opened the doors to The LGBT Network’s LGBT/LGBT Friendly Senior Housing, a 75-unit affordable housing community for LGBTQ+ elders. Here, residents can live out and proud with their partners and participate in programming at the 8,000-square-foot community center.

It’s a part of a growing response to the needs of the community, one where many grew up closeted and discriminated against, but also to see positive changes like marriage equality and a more welcoming society.

“It’s incumbent on us in the LGBT social service field to make sure that we create these safe and inclusive housing facilities so LGBTQ seniors and elders could age gracefully and be out and proud,” Kilmnick says.

I am concerned here in Blue Connecticut but what will it be like to a trans senior living in Florida and having to go in to a Long Term Care (LTC) facilities with all the anti-trans and anti-LGBTQ+ laws.

This community has the same needs as anyone else in their age group, but they also face discrimination and stigma, as well as being less likely to have children or grandchildren who can visit and help.

AARP has a page dedicated to the older LGBTQ community at aarp.org. Additionally, they offer many online tools for all older adults, like a retirement calculator that can help determine how much someone needs to be saving; a social security calculator; and a resource hub for all things Medicare.

With the rise of these specialized communities, they are able to age in place in a safe environment and also have access to services they need.

“It’s really the first generation of LGBTQ+ folks who are for the majority living their lives at some level of outness,” says Sherrill Wayland, the senior director of special initiatives and partnerships at SAGE, an advocacy group for LGBTQ+ elders. “As we think about retiring, potentially looking for retirement communities or assisted living, we want to make sure that we can continue being our authentic self and not have to re-closet.”

We are a very, very small community about 0.5 percent of the population so the odds that there will be another trans person in the LTC facility are slim. But it is not just LTC facilities but also all senior programs.

 

I knew of a trans woman who lived in a LTC facility and out of 500 residents she was the only trans person there. She was very depressed and looking for a LGBTQ+ senior community.

In one focus group before opening, a woman shared that when she lost her partner of more than 30 years, she attended a bereavement group where other widows and widowers told her “that’s not the same thing.”

I have heard the same thing, a gay couple who were together for over 30 years when his husband died the grief councilor recommended a bereavement group. But the bereavement group was just like the regular population, when he talked about his spouse others in the group told him to stop pushhing his sex life on them.

The Washington Blade had this article,

New report outlines problems faced by LGBTQ+ nursing home residents
Authors recommend supportive policies, training for nation’s 15,000 facilities
By Lou Chibbaro Jr
January 9, 2024

A recently published academic journal article by two University of Indiana researchers reports on problems faced by LGBTQ+ older adults living in the nation’s nursing homes and recommends actions nursing homes should take to ensure LGBTQ+ residents are treated equitably and without bias.

The article, entitled “Postacute Care and Long-Term Care for LGBTQ+ Older Adults,” was published Nov. 9 in the peer reviewed journal Clinics In Geriatric Medicine. It is co-authored by geriatric physician Jennifer L. Carnahan, a research scientist with the Regenstrief Institute, which is affiliated with Indiana University’s Center for Aging Research and Andrew C. Picket, an elder care researcher and assistant professor at Indiana University’s School of Public Health in Bloomington. Carnahan also serves as an assistant professor of medicine at the Indiana University School of Medicine.

 “Cultivating an inclusive and LGBTQ+ culturally competent nursing home culture means that all staff and clinicians should receive training specific to working with this group and time should be allocated for this to reduce staff burden,” the article states.

In the past I have worked with groups working to bring about change for LGBTQ+ seniors but unfortunately many who I have worked with have retired including myself and the programs seems to have faded way.

“For transgender individuals, the personal care received in nursing homes can be supportive, as intended, or traumatic,” the article states. When nursing home staff provide assistance to transgender persons unable to care for themselves, “such as toileting or bathing, they may become newly aware of a resident’s transgender status,” the article says, adding, “If staff are not prepared for such an unintentional outing and how to react in a supportive manner, they may demonstrate microaggressions.” That type of biased reaction can be psychologically harmful for a transgender resident, the report states.

[…]

“More and more LGBTQ+ older adults are comfortable being out with their providers, while many living in nursing homes fear unwanted disclosure of their sexual orientation or gender identity status,” Carnahan says. “Their autonomy should be respected either way so they can age in an environment where they feel safe, where they feel comfortable and where they are able to live with dignity.”

And that is all I want, “To live with dignity” in my twilight years.

A Blue State Right Next Door!

Yup, it is Massachusetts and it made the news last month.

Massachusetts ranked one of top states for LGBTQ+ retirees
Fifty Plus Advocate
By Colin McCandless
October 16, 2023

October marks the start of LGBT History Month, a time to honor and recognize the achievements of LGBT icons, and Massachusetts has cause to celebrate its own progressive accolade this year after being named the fourth best state in the country for LGBTQ+ retirees.

The 2023 report rankings, published in Retirement Living, examined various factors such as local laws, percentage of the population over 65, percentage of the population that identify as LGBTQ+, average home costs and cost of living.

[…]

What is clear is that in Massachusetts, LGBTQ+ retirees have strong advocates striving to make the state a safe and positive place to grow older. The LGBTQIA+ Aging Project, part of Fenway Institute at Fenway Health in Boston, helps elder care services work toward improving inclusivity for LGBTQIA+ older adults. They collaborate with senior centers to consult on best practices for program planning and outreach engagement to help create welcoming and inclusive programming for LGBTQIA+ older adults. The Aging Project also champions and promotes elder care policy changes that benefit LGBTQIA+ older adults.

“Massachusetts is one of the best states for LGBTQIA+ retirees, based on providing resources and services for LGBTQIA+ older adults,” said Aging Project Director Lisa Krinsky.

Connecticut is not that far behind, while we don't have a LGBTQIA+ Aging Projrct we do have a legislative LGBTQ+ advisory committee (LGBTQ+ Justice & Opportunity Network Legislative). We have the support of the governor and the legislation.

---

 

Coming out is hard! I think that it is the hardest think that you do in your life!

For some they wait until later in life… because of fear.

Barry Manilow on reason he didn’t come out publicly as gay until his 70s
Legendary singer Barry Manilow has explained why he didn’t publicly come out as gay until his 70s, claiming being out when he was younger would have “killed a career”.
Pink News
By Emily Chudy
November 14, 2023


Manilow, famous for hits like “Mandy”, “Copacabana” and “Looks Like We Made It”, married his manager Garry Kief in 2014, after being together for 40 years.

The 80-year-old entertainer, who has won Grammys, an Emmy and a Special Tony Award, then came out as gay in a 2017 interview with People magazine, telling the outlet that the public’s reaction to rumours about his sexuality was “so beautiful”.

There are those who would criticize him for worrying about his career but I think that it is a valid reason to wait. Waiting for the children grow up, waiting for your parents to pass away, waiting to have a job. I think they are all valid reasons, I think any reason is valid even “I was too scared to come out.” You have to feel safe and secure before coming out.

Speaking about his husband, Manilow explained: “Garry actually kind of saved my life because as my career exploded, it was crazy. Going back to an empty hotel room you can get into a lot of trouble if you are all alone night after night.

“I met Garry right around when it was exploding and I didn’t have to go back to those empty hotel rooms and I had someone to cry with and celebrate with.”

In a 2017 interview with Sharon Osbourne about his decision to come out, Barry Manilow remarked to the cheering crowd: “Times have changed, to get a reaction like that!”

Before I came out I believed the propaganda, that gays and lesbians jumped for one bed to another and they didn’t want a long term relationship. But I was amazed that some were in 20… 30… even 40 year relationships!

---

Sadly I have also seen relationships be torn apart when a spouse came out. It is very, very hard on the spouse when we come out.

I have seen couples divorce.

I have seen couples bond get stronger.

I have seen couples divorce and then get back together again.

I always say, prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

My advice see a marriage councilor and don’t burn your bridges because you never know what the future brings.

***

When I was doing diversity training I talked about a couple that I know and the story the wife told was she liked to sleep on a train on her husband's shoulder. But once she transitioned the wife would get stares on the train when she did that. The wife missed walking down the street holding hands… now they get harassed. It took a long time to get over that loss but she did and they stayed together!

I can’t really give advice since I was never married, but… I always hope for the best. A couple that I know are going through this and I wish them the best for both of them.

As The World Turns We Get Older.

I set a milestone this month I turned 75 this month, as I like to say it sure beats the alternative.

But as I look around I see people starting to realize that the Stonewall generation are starting to need senior care, senior centers, long term healthcare, and home care.

Pride, Aging, and Reimagining Community Support for Our LGBTQ Elders
Georgia Voice
By Charles Stephens, with assistance from Hillary Williams Thomas Outspoken
October 13, 2023

Aging is an issue that no one has control over, yet touches all our lives. However, we do have the ability to imagine, develop, and implement policies that provide protections and support. This is urgently critical for LGBTQ older adults, who face unique challenges with regard to aging. To respond to the needs of our queer elders and ensure that our community is safe and affirming for all of us, we should consider prioritizing the following:

1.  Cultural competence training for staff and administrators of senior communities and nursing homes.
2.  Increased visibility of LGBTQ older adults, and
3.  Programs to help members of our community make the necessary plans for aging.

It is important when we invite healthcare persons into our house that we can talk freely and not worry about outing ourselves.

As an LGBTQ community, we cannot afford to be complicit in the erasure of our elders. The lack of visibility of older adults in our community contributes to social isolation and the internalized ageism that may plague members of our community. Queer organizations, like all organizations, must not only create and constantly review policies related to supporting and affirming older adults, but also actively work to promote an age-inclusive environment. Combating ageism is not a social justice elective for LGBTQ movement organizations, it’s a requirement. This means being intentional about including images of older adults in marketing materials and social media content. Telling the stories and elevating images of Black and other LGBTQ elders of color in particular is nothing less than revolutionary. Creating more images of older adults in our community does not only fight ageism; it also fights anti-LGBTQ stigma.

Sadly many of us are going back in the closet when we need senior care.

As we enter Atlanta’s Pride month and LGBTQ history month, it’s not enough that we count on the elders in our community to provide stories, oral histories, and institutional knowledge about the past. We must include our elders in addressing the present and building our community’s future. To only see the value of the older adults in our community in the context of past experiences, and not the potential for present and future contributions, is a form of dehumanization and further robs them of their humanity and robs us of their wisdom. Our progress as a community should not be measured by the inclusion and representation of the most privileged among us, but the quality of life and sustained dignity of all of us, especially the older adults in our community.

When we see Pride parades look for a senior bus. Look to see if there is anyway for the disabled and seniors to be in the parade and it not ask why! Why they don’t include everyone?

Okay, Raise Your Hand If You Are Worried About Old Age?

My hands up.

And many of us are also worried as we get older, there is a movie about senior LGBTQ+ people called Gen Silent and it is something to think about.

Transgender seniors worry about retirement, old age amid wave of anti-trans legislation

PBS NewHour

By Andrew DeMillo, Lynne Sladky, and Laura Bargfeld

August 24, 2023

Rajee Narinesingh faced struggles throughout her life as a transgender woman, from workplace discrimination to the lasting effects of black market injections that scarred her face and caused chronic infections.

In spite of the roadblocks, the 56-year-old Florida actress and activist has seen growing acceptance since she first came out decades ago.

“If you see older transgender people, it shows the younger community that it’s possible I can have a life. I can live to an older age,” she said. “So I think that’s a very important thing.”

Now, as a wave of new state laws enacted this year limit transgender people’s rights, Narinesingh has new uncertainty about her own future as she ages.

“Every now and then I have like this thought, like, oh my God, if I end up in a nursing home, how are they going to treat me?” Narinesingh said.

Yeah, she isn’t the only one thinking that there are many out there thinking those same thoughts.

Transgender adults say they’re worried about finding welcoming spaces to live in their later years.

“I have friends that have retired and they’ve decided to move to retirement communities. And then, little by little, they’ve found that they’re not welcome there,” said Morgan Mayfaire, a transgender man and the executive director of TransSOCIAL, a Florida support and advocacy group.

The problem here in Connecticut is that there are only a small number of LGBTQ+ people here that need Long Term Care facilities. It would be nice if some would create a LGBTQ+ place for 55+ seniors and LTC facility here.

The growing population has brought more services such as nursing homes and assisted living centers that are geared toward serving the LGBTQ+ community, though such facilities remain uncommon. They include Stonewall Gardens, a 24-apartment assisted living center that opened in Palm Springs, California in 2015.

The center’s staff are required to go through sensitivity training to help make the center a more welcoming environment for residents, interim executive director Lauren Kabakoff Vincent said. The training is key for making a more accepting environment for transgender residents and making them feel more at home.

We have been doing that here also, but… it is an important but, the other residents there is no control over. You can train the staff all you want but if the other residents shun them there is not much the facilities can do.

“We have a long way to go in terms of getting to the point where nursing homes, assisted living and other long-term care providers are prepared for and ready to provide appropriate and welcoming care to trans elders,” said Michael Adams, SAGE’s CEO [advocates on behalf of LGBTQ+ seniors].

For those living in Florida, my heart goes out to you. It will not be easy.

SAGE has seen a spike in the number of calls to its hotline following the wave of anti-transgender laws, and Adams said about 40% of them have come from trans seniors primarily in conservative parts of the country worried about the new restrictions.

It is getting worst as we get older. When I came out at the turn of the century thing were getting rosy the sun was rising and it seemed like a dawn of a glorious new day… but an eclipse has come along.

Put Out To Pasture

That is what LGBTQ+ seniors think when they start looking for options in their senior years and many of us seniors were activists in the sixties and now are in their sixties.

LGBTQ Elders Fear Being Shoved in Closet in Nursing Care Hunt
Bloomberg Law
By Ayanna Alexander
June 28, 2022


While caring for his aging mother, Donald M. Bell, a 72-year-old gay man, began thinking about where he would spend his twilight years.

“While mom and I were [in her long-term community], we were simply mother and son and I took care of her,” he said. “And even though we enjoyed the community and she passed away there, I quickly learned that it was just not an environment where being out about who I was was a feasible thing to do because you just didn’t know how people would react and we didn’t need the extra burden dealing with life issues anyway. So you could say it scarred me a little bit when I thought about my own situation because, listen, if you’re in what you perceive to be your final living situation, and it’s not a pleasant situation, then it gives you nothing to look forward to.”

As the generation of LGBTQ+ people forged by the AIDS epidemic and drastic cultural shifts of the 1980s and ‘90s enters its retirement years, demands that nursing homes take additional steps to ensure security and compassionate care increase. Over 60% of older LGBTQ+ adults surveyed expressed concerns about treatment in long-term care settings, such as independent or assisted living care facilities. Among their concerns are fears they could be refused or receive limited care, neglect, abuse, harassment, or be pressured to hide their identity.

Yup. What is going to happen me in another 10 years? Will I still be able to get around on my own? Will I need someone to come in my home to help me? Will I need an independent or assisted living care facility?

Expanding Protections

President Joe Biden boosted those efforts with a recent executive order, calling on the Department of Health and Human Services to develop guidance on preventing discrimination in long-term care facilities. There are regulations that nursing homes funded by Medicare must comply with, but Biden’s order is the first to explicitly include older LGBTQ+ people.

Some long term care facilities (LTC) have to be dragged kicking and screaming to the table of exclusivity, it is not nice when regulatory agency in to the mix in order to force compliance with the law. This spring GLAD lawyers and the Maine Human Rights Commission settled a case with Sunrise Assisted Living.

Transgender Woman Reaches Landmark Settlement with Maine Assisted Living Facility That Denied Her a Room

“The model transgender nondiscrimination policy and public statement embracing transgender residents set a clear example for how such facilities can and should operate with respect to transgender older adults.” – Chris Erchull, GLAD Staff Attorney*

Marie King, a 79-year-old transgender woman, and Sunrise Assisted Living have reached a landmark settlement in a case at the Maine Human Rights Commission involving discrimination in access to Sunrise’s facility in Jonesport, Maine. Ms. King was denied a room at the facility because she is transgender. The Commission, which is also a party to the agreement, approved the terms of the settlement at its meeting today.

Under the terms of the settlement Adult Family Care Homes of Maine (AFCH), which operates Sunrise and eight other facilities in the state, will adopt a comprehensive transgender nondiscrimination policy. Additionally, all employees and administrators at all nine facilities will attend LGBT-competency training provided by SAGECare, the leading such training provider for agencies serving older adults. AFCH will also prominently post a transgender nondiscrimination statement on the company’s website.

[…]

“Anyone who needs access to a long-term care facility, including transgender people, should be welcomed with dignity, compassion and respect,” said Chris Erchull, staff attorney at GLAD. “The settlement with Adult Family Care Homes of Maine addresses the profound harm Marie experienced in being turned away because of who she is. The model transgender nondiscrimination Policy and public statement embracing transgender residents set a clear example for how such facilities can and should operate with respect to transgender older adults.”

You know if they just obey the law none of this would have been necessary. They knew the law but they figured that it didn’t apply to them, sadly by not following the law they put needless stress and worry on the trans woman.

*I have worked in the past with Chris Erchull, we were on Department of Aging and Disability Services, State Long Term Care Ombudsman’s Inclusive Communities Workgroup together. We were tasked with improving LGBTQ+ care at LTC facilities.

The Bloomberg Law article goes on to say,

Benefits of Training

Long-term communities are already seeing the benefits of creating more inclusive environments, embracing the tenets of person-centered care with the help of SAGECare’s training and certification.

“We wanted to be more informed and we wanted to be better able to speak to and serve the population who’s not only here now but are coming,” said Andy Eick, the executive director of Brookdale’s Battery Park City independent living community. The community is one of nearly 640 SAGECare credentialed organizations, according to the group’s site.

“It’s been a wonderful add to us and our certificate is in the lobby,” Eick said. “People do appreciate the fact that we have the certificate visible. Four families have moved here since our certification and still live here, and I am in no doubt that they would tell you that they have a wonderful quality of life here at the community.”

The senior population not just LGBTQ+ seniors but all seniors have a fear of being warehoused and forgotten by our family and friends, but it is especially true for us.

Holding onto ‘authentic identity’ in senior living a priority for LGBTQ seniors
McKnights Senior Living
By Kathleen Steele Gaivin
July 1, 2022


Senior living operators are learning what the LGBTQ community has always known: LTBTQ seniors are looking for welcoming communities where they can express their authentic identity without retreating into the closet in their golden years.

“Exposing one’s authentic identity is at the heart of finding community and sense of belonging. But when that identity comes with perceived risks, community can be much more difficult to find. Particularly for people who identify as LGBTQ, finding community is not always so straightforward,” according to New York-based architecture firm Perkins Eastman. 

More than 60% of older LGBTQ have long-term care concerns, Bloomberg Law reported, and advocates urge facilities to add anti-discrimination measures.

[…]

LGBTQ elders make up 5% of people living in long-term care communities. Due to a lifetime of discrimination and continued fear, many older LGBTQ people feel unsafe being themselves when seeking care. Per an AARP study, more than 60% of those surveyed were concerned about how they would be treated in a long-term care setting.

Here in Connecticut we are doing something to address those concerns, we have Connecticut Community Care that is working with SAGE to train LTC facilities, nursing homes, and home care providers. The program is called “Getting It Right”

What is LGBT Inclusivity and the Getting it Right program?

Getting it Right: Creating an LGBT Inclusive Organization is a program of Connecticut Community Care supported with funding from the John H. and Ethel G. Noble Charitable Trust. The program works with aging service providers such as home care and facility-based providers to create welcoming and intentionally inclusive services for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) clients and families. We provide an integrated set of resources to Getting it Right (GIR) providers. These include training and other best practice resources. GIR begins with the premise that intentional inclusion means proactive practices that go beyond current standards and policies of non-discrimination.

One of the offshoots of the program is the Moveable Senior Center. From their Facebook page,

LGBT Moveable Senior Center is an initiative designed to introduce LGBT seniors and their allies to this fun and invaluable community resource.

Every year the number of senior center that are signing up for the program they now have well over a dozen centers as part of the program.

One of the project that I have on the burner is; I want to see if the Legislative LGBT Health and Human Services Network  would be receptive to sponsoring legislation to require Senior Center, and LTC facilities to hold diversity programs for minorities, including us.

The network commissioned a state wide needs assessment for the LGBTQ community and some of the findings are,

• Respondents 65 and older were more likely to report discrimination based on age.
• Older Adults. There were specific housing comments related to the older adult LGBTQ+ population. These comments included concerns related to the inclusivity and safety of senior housing or assisted living facilities and affordability/financial assistance for those looking to live in their own home.

Another project that I’m working on is to give a presentation at Fantasia Fair in the fall on the Moveable Senior Center and LTC facilities.

~~~~~~~~

Sadly the hate crime at a LGBTQ senior center what I wrote about yesterday is adding another level to the concerns of our seniors. All their lives they lived in fear and now in their senior years the dragon of hate rears its ugly head again.

~~~~~~~~

You heard of the Gray Panthers? What we need is the Rainbow Panthers!

A Big Victory In Maine!

A assisted living home was to have discriminated against a trans woman.

In press release by GLAD…

King v. Sunrise Assisted Living

Update: On March 14, 2022, the Maine Human Rights Commission by a 3-2 vote found evidence that Sunrise Assisted Living violated state nondiscrimination protections when it denied Marie a room because she is a transgender woman. The milestone finding in Marie’s case is a huge step toward ensuring anyone who needs access to a long-term care facility is welcomed with courtesy and respect.

Earlier GLAD released another press release,

Maine Transgender Woman Files First-of-its-kind Discrimination Claim Against Assisted Living Facility

The complaint, filed by GLAD on behalf of a 78-year-old woman who was denied a room by Sunrise Assisted Living because she is transgender, is the first such legal claim of discrimination brought in the U.S. against a senior long-term care facility.

October 21, 2021, AUGUSTA – GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders (GLAD) today filed a discrimination claim with the Maine Human Rights Commission on behalf of a 78-year-old woman who was denied a room by Sunrise Assisted Living in Jonesport, Maine because she is transgender. It is the first known discrimination complaint filed in the U.S. by a transgender older adult against a long-term care facility. The complainant is being represented by GLAD attorneys Ben Klein, Chris Erchull and Mary Bonauto.

In the spring of 2021, the complainant, who is being identified publicly as Jane Doe, was admitted to Pen Bay Medical Center for an acute medical emergency. Once Ms. Doe’s health was stabilized, the medical staff determined she did not require in-patient care and needed placement in an assisted living facility. A hospital social worker contacted Sunrise Assisted Living on Ms. Doe’s behalf and was told they had rooms available. Upon learning that Ms. Doe is transgender, however, the Administrator at Sunrise informed the hospital they would not admit Ms. Doe because they were concerned she wanted to reside in a room with a female roommate, despite the fact that Sunrise regularly places women in semi-private rooms with other women.

The claim brought by GLAD on Jane Doe’s behalf asserts that Sunrise discriminated against Ms. Doe on the basis of her gender identity, transgender status, and her sex, all explicitly protected under the Maine Human Rights Act.

“Our client, like many older people, urgently needed an assisted living facility like Sunrise,” said GLAD Senior Attorney Ben Klein. “She simply wants to be treated with dignity, compassion and understanding as she ages, like anyone else. Maine, like 21 other states, has added gender identity to its nondiscrimination laws precisely to address this kind of discrimination and the profound harm transgender people like Ms. Doe experience when it occurs.”

“The people of Maine are known for making room at the table,” added GLAD Staff Attorney Chris Erchull. “Sunrise lost that perspective by excluding Ms. Doe because of who she is. This lawsuit reinforces the core values of long-term care providers: that all of us are entitled to dignity and respect as we age.

Being denied a room at Sunrise because she is transgender also forced Ms. Doe to remain in the hospital longer than was recommended by her medical team.”

“I just wanted to be treated like a human being,” said Ms. Doe. “I don’t want anybody else to be turned away for care they need because they are transgender. I want people to understand we are people living our lives as best we can and they can’t do that to somebody.”

Research indicates that transgender older adults are as likely as or even more likely than other older adults to require long-term care, including assisted living, because a long history of exclusion and lack of care leads to adverse health consequences. Yet as Ms. Doe’s case exemplifies, transgender adults continue to face systemic and widespread discrimination when seeking care and support as they age.

GLAD Civil Rights Project Director Mary Bonauto, a Maine attorney, added, “We get that not everyone knows transgender people and some have discomfort. In the end, this case is about common-sense values: how would we want to be treated, and how do we treat each other? Care providers in long term care facilities know how to welcome in and treat people from all walks of life with courtesy and respect. That’s all this woman asked for, and that is what the law requires.”

Ageism.

[RANT]

We tend to think of discrimination in terms of race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, and gender identity but there are other protected classes here in Connecticut, the law states;

...discrimination against any person or group of persons on the grounds of race, color, religious creed, age, marital status, national origin, ancestry, sex, gender identity or expression, mental retardation, mental disability or physical disability…

Did you catch “age”?

Lots of people forget ageism… 

• “Okay Boomer”
• “We are looking for some new fresh voices.”

But there are other ways that people and things discriminate against older people and you never even think about them such using AI (Artificial Intelligence) employment applications some have been found to have built biases for race, sex and even age biases.

And I bet that you never even thought about touch screens.

I first noticed it back in the seventies, my mother used to get so flustered because she couldn’t turn on my turntable. I had (well actually I still have) a Philips GA 212 turntable and she could not turn it on, I walk over, just touch the controls and the it would start playing. What I found out was her finger tips didn’t have enough moister in them to operate the touch controls. I showed her that she had to breath on her fingers tips to make it work.

Fast forward fifty years.

Smartphone touchscreens.

They don’t work that good for seniors, as people age their skin gets drier and the touchscreens on phones work the same way as the Philips turntable, by capacitance.

They even have a name for it; Zombie Fingers!

Touchscreen trouble? It could be zombie finger
Here's why capacitive screens don't respond to every touch
Consumers Reports
Published: June 02, 2015

Some smartphone and tablet users are afflicted with a malady. No matter how hard they press on the display, they just can’t seem to get the device to acknowledge their touch. These people may have the same problem with laptop touchpads. In layman’s terms, they suffer from zombie finger.

“The capacitive touch sensor is—to most people—this kind of magical thing,” says Andrew Hsu, Ph.D., a pioneer in touchscreen tech at Synaptics, a major supplier of the technology to electronics manufacturers. “In an ideal situation, you barely touch the surface of the screen and the sensor is able to detect the presence of your finger.” In some cases, however, that finger confounds the technology.

“It’s a problem we’ve been wrestling with for 20 years now,” says Hsu. “It’s a very delicate balance. We spend a lot of time essentially trying to determine whether a user has touched the surface or not.”
[...]
So what should you do if you have zombie fingers? You might try licking your fingertip or, better yet, applying a water-based moisturizer to your hands. And, if you can’t bear to give up playing electric guitar or having designer nails, think about using a touchscreen stylus to funnel the electricity into your mitts.

Don’t have one handy? People in South Korea have discovered that a pork link will do the job. “There’s moisture in that sausage,” says Hsu. “So long as your body is in contact with it, it has enough conductivity to affect the electric field.”

What else can cause “Zombie Hands,” well according to Gabe’s Design Blog,

Thinking more broadly, it’s not just elderly people who might experience problems with touch screens, there are many others who could be affected by temporary or permanent conditions:

• People with poor circulation may have colder hands
• In the winter, cold and dry hands are more common, as is wearing gloves
• Healthcare workers wash their hands a lot and are more prone to dry hands
• People with diabetes or blood conditions may have cold hands
• Carpenters with callused hands
• Guitar players with callused fingers
• People with Anemia and low levels of iron may have colder hands
• Raynaud’s disease and rheumatoid arthritis causes cold hands
• A thyroid imbalance can cause cold hands and dry skin

I’ve reflected on this experience a number of times in my work as an experience designer and it’s stuck with me over the years. I feel it’s helped me design and create things more inclusively, and I hope it resonates with you.

Why this rant now?

Well this morning I went to swipe the touch screen and I had to swipe it a couple of times to get it to work. This morning it is cold outside and the air inside is dry, and my fingers are dry because I just wiped them with alcohol before I took my morning Blood Glucose reading, hence dry fingers. It brought me back to remembering my 80 year old mother’s problem with the turntable.

It is probably that the twenty something engineers never thought about to test, will it rise to the level of discrimination? Or will it just be an announce of getting older? Only the courts will know for sure. 

[/RANT]

Fantasia Fair Day 6

So now that I know that it is at 10 and not 11, I have been getting there around 9:40. Setting up my computer and monitor bring chairs over for the workshop, but no one came today so I waited for a half hour while I checked my email.

One of the email was from a lawyer friend from GLAD told me about a new discrimination case in Maine (More on that at the bottom of today’s post.) and I got a couple of other posts that I answered.

Since no one showed up I had a half hour to kill so I went to Herring Cove Beach in the Cape Cod National Seashore. I put the seat back, lowered the window and listened to the surf and seagulls.

Back to P’town for lunch and meet some new trans people who were at the Fair for the first time. Today’s lunch was at the Crown & Anchor, at FanFair I always go there on Friday for the fish & chips.

Well back to the cottage.

I get there a little before 2 and read my emails… YIKES! I have a zoom meeting in fifteen minutes! With the Governor’s Council on Hate Crimes! Quick clean off the table. Throw the coffee mug with a tea bag into the microwave. Go get my laptop from the bedroom. Where’s my headphone? Back to the bedroom get the headphones. Grab the mug as I run by the microwave. Open Zoom just in time for roll call… “Here your honor.” Whew!

---

So this morning’s email announced a discrimination case in Maine.

Maine Transgender Woman Files First-of-its-kind Discrimination Claim Against Assisted Living Facility

The complaint, filed by GLAD on behalf of a 78-year-old woman who was denied a room by Sunrise Assisted Living because she is transgender, is the first such legal claim of discrimination brought in the U.S. against a senior long-term care facility.

October 21, 2021, AUGUSTA – GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders (GLAD) today filed a discrimination claim with the Maine Human Rights Commission on behalf of a 78-year-old woman who was denied a room by Sunrise Assisted Living in Jonesport, Maine because she is transgender. It is the first known discrimination complaint filed in the U.S. by a transgender older adult against a long-term care facility. The complainant is being represented by GLAD attorneys Ben Klein, Chris Erchull and Mary Bonauto.

In the spring of 2021, the complainant, who is being identified publicly as Jane Doe, was admitted to Pen Bay Medical Center for an acute medical emergency. Once Ms. Doe’s health was stabilized, the medical staff determined she did not require in-patient care and needed placement in an assisted living facility. A hospital social worker contacted Sunrise Assisted Living on Ms. Doe’s behalf and was told they had rooms available. Upon learning that Ms. Doe is transgender, however, the Administrator at Sunrise informed the hospital they would not admit Ms. Doe because they were concerned she wanted to reside in a room with a female roommate, despite the fact that Sunrise regularly places women in semi-private rooms with other women.

The claim brought by GLAD on Jane Doe’s behalf asserts that Sunrise discriminated against Ms. Doe on the basis of her gender identity, transgender status, and her sex, all explicitly protected under the Maine Human Rights Act.

[…]

Being denied a room at Sunrise because she is transgender also forced Ms. Doe to remain in the hospital longer than was recommended by her medical team.”

I think that one of the key factors in the case will be that “...to remain in the hospital longer than was recommended by her medical team.”

Too bad it had to take a lawsuit to force them to do the right thing.

~~~~~

Sadly I foresee some anti-LGBTQ legal organization picking up the case to defend the long term care facility and it going to the US. Supreme Court.

Is This Old Fashion “…” Am I Showing My Age?

There was a discussion on Facebook over the use or lack of use of emojis in texting by different age groups and the comments broke down into two groups by ages, it was just like the way this country is divided over politics.

Generation Divide: Different Age Groups Use Emojis Differently And That Isn't Likely Going To Change
Forbes
By Peter Suciu
August 24, 2021


Almost anyone who has a smartphone likely regularly uses an emoji – the various pictograms and smiley faces. Not surprisingly, these originated on Japanese mobile phones in the late 1990s, and since them have been used to fill in emotional cues otherwise missing from a typed conversation. There are now so many in use that they've taken on secondary meaning.
[…]
"Like many sociolinguistic practices, emoji use continues to evolve," said Dr. Anne Framroze, adjunct lecturer in the Online Masters of Communication Management Program at the University of Southern California.

"Recently, we've seen some social media friction between Millennials and Gen Z in terms of emoji use, with new meanings being attached by Gen Z to certain emojis, leaving Millennials and older generations wondering which emoji to use or whether to use any at all," said Framroze. "Emojis are a kind of representational language, and all languages evolve. This is nothing new. Words have always taken up new meanings, meanings that reflect the texture and contours of the time and place in which they're used."

People think that this is new, but it is old as the hill; cool, dyno-mite, far out, bogart, and “The man” they all came out of my generation. My grandmother when it was raining used to tell us put on your slickers and galoshes and we would reply “Grandma they’re rain coats and boots!” 

Look at the slang from the 1930’s we laugh at them now but back then they were the “cat’s meow,” words like; bumping gums, five spot, giggle juice, hooch, jive, kibosh, and squat. Some survived the ages and other did not, the same will be true our slang, emojis, ellipsis and idioms some will last the test of time.

Just as language evolves over time, generation by generation – we're already seeing that emojis are evolving. In fact, emojis have already evolved from emoticons, which used some text-based symbols to replace certain words to express emotions. The idea for this was proposed in the 1960s, when Russian novelist Vladimir Nabokov suggested a universal symbol for a smile.

There is also the divide between the generations using the ellipses…

The Ellipsis is Widening the Gap Between Millennials and Boomers. Here’s Why
By: Michaela Magliochetti
June 28, 2021


Imagine you’re playing charades. You draw a card that prompts you to act out a phone conversation. What shape does your hand take? If you’re over the age of 15, you’ll probably extend your thumb and pinky fingers to create the surfer’s gesture and raise the symbol up to your ear. If you’re a young teen or kid who grew up surrounded by smart devices (rather than flip phones or handsets), you might curl your hand like you’re holding a brick or simply stretch your palm out flat before beginning your mimed chat. You’re probably also wondering, “What the hell is charades?”

The viral phone challenge stunned TikTok last year, with Millennial and Gen X parents watching in disbelief as their kids clutched pretend iPhones. But it’s not the first time the app has exposed these generational splits. Users have poked fun at Baby Boomers and their penchant for decorative signs encouraging us to “Live, Laugh, Love.” They’ve also cast Millennial women as “cheugy” for sporting side parts and clapping along to the Friends theme song.

In the article about emoticons the article goes on to say,

"We are all aware, by the very evolution of colloquial language, that there are 'generational gaps' leading each generation to define its own identity patterns, differentiated from the previous ones," added Dr. Oscar Barroso Huertas, professor within the Graduate School of Business at CETYS University, Mexico. "Therefore, it is not surprising that, in the psycho-graphic aspect, these same differences exist if we speak within an academic context of the Study of consumer behavior. Emojis express emotions, which the typographic element does not reflect, attributing one specific tone to the conversation, and thus one scenario in particular, to develop a more appropriate conversational environment, depending on the situation in which they are manifested or used."

The thing is language changes over time, language is a living entity that is morphing over time, distance, and culture. It is not just emojis and ellipsis but language, take the word “transgender” when I first came out it was used as an umbrella term now it is trying to morph into a word meaning a person who has transitioned. I like the inclusive definition rather than exclusive.

This isn’t the first mix-up and it won’t be the last
The cool thing about colloquial language? It’s always changing. McCulloch reminds us of a time when internet newcomers typed in all caps. Remember calling your parents to explain that their text messages make it seem like they’re yelling at everyone? (Remember calling someone about anything, period?) McCulloch says it spurred larger cultural conversations, with explainer videos and memes surrounding the caps lock phenomenon. “Now, no one has to do that anymore because people do know that all caps is shouting,” she says.

More change across our keyboards is inevitable. Younger generations will usher in new forms of digital language, and we’ll all try to keep up. “We don’t want to get too hung up thinking we’ve discovered the right way to do things because we’re just going to get proven wrong again,” says McCulloch. So just wait. Before you know it, Generation Alpha (aka the iPad kids) will be eager to make fun of your “main character aesthetic” and that cat sweater you’re wearing ironically.

What we have here is a clash of cultures and I imagine that besides age that if we look at different regions around the world we see a different style of texting.

Notice how this discussion about emojis and ellipsis has divided us in to the old verse the young. Now substitute race for age, how would this discussion sound then? Racist?

What will happen when someone from an Asian culture texts someone from and they have a different meaning for the emoji would we in North America understand what they mean or would we misunderstand the meaning and take offense? We have to learn to accept our differences and embrace them, diversity allows us understand different cultures and styles. 

Update 10/8 @ 11:45: the paragraph beginning with "Look at the slang from...

Lonely

How many senior trans people have no one?

Back when we were growing up no one was out. If you were out you probably was making your living from the street, you were probably were disowned by your family, you probably do not have any children of your own and now in your “sunset years” you are alone. Many LGBTQ+ go back in the closet in their “golden years.”

‘They Have No One’: At 88, a Transgender Icon Combats Loneliness Among Seniors
Samantha Flores, who created a community center in Mexico City for older L.G.B.T.Q. people that closed during the pandemic, is hoping to reopen it.
New York Times
By Oscar Lopez
April 2, 2021


MEXICO CITY — The pink paint of her stairwell is peeling, the black metal banister chipped, but Samantha Flores is as sharp-witted as ever amid a profusion of climbing plants and bursting red flowers.

At 88, the Mexican transgender icon remains elegant, funny and at times flirtatious, sitting at a small round table on the landing outside her tiny Mexico City flat where she has received callers, at a safe distance, throughout the pandemic.

After nearly nine decades as a socialite, a manager of a gay bar, an L.G.B.T.Q. advocate, and much more, Ms. Flores has a large community of longtime friends and neighbors who come knocking.

“Without my friends, I wouldn’t be who I am,” she said.

But as Ms. Flores well knows, many seniors are not so lucky. And so there is one part of her world that she’s aching to get back — the drop-in center she founded and runs to help older L.G.B.T.Q. adults combat their isolation. It was the first organization of its kind in Mexico.

I know here in Connecticut we are doing something about that, we are looking for way to end the loneliness.

We are not finding them friends but we are giving them the opportunity to get out of their home or long term care facilities.

“The older adult, in general, suffers from two things: loneliness and abandonment,” she said. “They are a nuisance to their family.”

For older lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, who came of age in a different era and might have been rejected by their relatives, the isolation can be even worse.

“They have no one, absolutely no one,” Ms. Flores said.

Back 2013 a movie was shown at the University of St. Joseph and a group LGBTQ+ seniors decided to do something to help other LGBTQ+ elders.

The movie was Gen Silent…

The group formed LGBT Aging Advocacy and have been working to educate senior healthcare providers to the needs of our community and they also created an initiative for senior centers to have programs for LGBTQ+ elders.

We are subject to a double dose of discrimination first in the nursing homes, the long term care facilities, and in the senior centers.

The second dose of discrimination comes from within the LGBTQ+ community by the younger generation.

I was at a “town hall” where we were discussing where we should be focusing our next legislation to end discrimination and I brought up the needs of the senior community, the loneliness, isolation, and the harassment in long term care facilities… then off to one side in a group of twenty something someone said, “OK Boomer” and everyone laughed! The moderators one of whom was from a national LGBTQ+ organization said nothing, absolutely nothing. I don’t know which was worst, that they didn’t recognized it age discrimination or that they knew it was it age discrimination and said nothing, but whatever it was I never went back to their meetings.

I Am Going To Avoid It.

But sometimes you can’t, sometimes you do need to go in to a long term care facility and then you at the mercy of their staff.

Many LGBTQ Seniors Don’t Get The Health And End-Of-Life Care They Need. Some Coloradans Are Working To Change That
CPR
By Claire Cleveland
January 22, 2021


On one of her many days in the hospital in 2017, Cathy asked her partner not to tell the nursing staff they were married. She’d been diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia, and Cathy feared the care she got would suffer if the staff knew she was a lesbian.

“She says, ‘Don't tell the nurses that we're married,’” said Cathy’s wife, Esther Lucero. “And I said, ‘Why?’ And she says, ‘Because they're treating you differently. They're treating me differently.’”

According to a study recently published in The Gerontologist, older people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer often face discrimination during end-of-life care. They’re also more likely to have their health care wishes ignored or disregarded.

Many LGBTQ seniors go back into the closet because of a lack of family or social support in health care, assisted living and hospice facilities.

It is not just nursing homes, and long term care (LTC) facilities that are a problem sometimes it is homecare that’s the problem, those that you invite into your home to take care of you is the problem.

One study, from the Columbia University Mailman School of Public Health, found living in highly stigmatized environments can result in a shorter life expectancy of around 12 years for LGBTQ people.

Candrian said the challenges these seniors face fall into three categories: economic insecurity, lack of family or social support, and a lifetime of enduring stigma. But there’s also a lack of data. Hospice and senior care facilities often don’t ask about specific demographic information like sexual orientation or gender identity, known as SOGI data.
[…]
“We're not going to stay in the closet,” he said. “I want people to really know that they matter and that those closet doors need to be wide open and left wide open.”

Mireles thinks a lot about what it will be like when he and his husband are older and looking for senior community or assisted living. And those places need to be welcoming to diverse communities, he said, which will take a nationwide effort to ensure better protections for LGBTQ people, especially seniors.

“We need to educate policy makers about LGBT aging issues,” he said.

Here in Connecticut we have been working on the issue for about 5 years now, a group of us joined together to educate LTC facilities and home healthcare providers of the issues facing their LGBTQ clients.

I used to do what I called “Sanitized the House” when my parents came over to my house. I used to take down all the LGBTQ magnets stuck to the refrigerator and all hide my LGBTQ books. Can you imagine doing that every time a home healthcare provider came to your house?

One of the things that we created via Community Care was…

What is LGBT Inclusivity and the Getting it Right program?

Getting it Right: Creating an LGBT Inclusive Organization is a program of Connecticut Community Care supported with funding from the John H. and Ethel G. Noble Charitable Trust. The program works with aging service providers such as home care and facility-based providers to create welcoming and intentionally inclusive services for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) clients and families. We provide an integrated set of resources to Getting it Right (GIR) providers. These include training and other best practice resources. GIR begins with the premise that intentional inclusion means proactive practices that go beyond current standards and policies of non-discrimination.


Getting it Right recognizes that program implementation is not a “one size fits all” matter. Content knowledge must be integrated into specific organizational practices to ensure new knowledge is sustained. Mechanisms for knowledge transfer must also be integrated into ongoing operations. Thus GIR resources are made available to organizations with the expectation of customization to fit their circumstances.

Getting it Right is a “train the trainer” model. We train organizational champions who are then charged with training other direct service staff. GIR provides these training resources to the provider agency.

Some of the facilities trained are; JFS Care at Home, Jewish Family Services, Brookdale Senior Living, McLean Home Care & Hospice, and Thrive at Home with Whitney Center. We have also been working with state agencies like the Long Term Care Ombudsman Program.

There is a lot of work still ahead of us here in Connecticut.

---

On another topic… Jennifer Finney Boylan.

She did an interview with GLAAD.

LGBTQ&A Podcast: Jennifer Finney Boylan talks about how much the trans experience has changed since her groundbreaking memoir, She’s Not There, was published
By Jeffrey Masters, Guest Contributor |
December 22, 2020


"What does it mean to be a middle-aged woman who had a boyhood?" Jennifer Finney Boylan asks in her new book, Good Boy.

The trans experience—both the experience itself and the way we talk about it — has changed dramatically since 2003 when Jennifer Finney Boylan published her game-changing memoir, She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders.

The book was one of the first best-sellers by a trans author and has since gone on to become a seminal piece of the trans literary canon. Now, almost 20 years later, Boylan’s latest memoir, Good Boy: My Life in Seven Dogs, asks, “What does it mean to be a middle-aged woman who had a boyhood?” She grapples with what that answer might look like with the help of Playboy, Sausage, Brown, Alex, Lucy, Ranger, and Matt the Mutt, each of the dogs who’ve been there with her through her life’s many transitions.

“Not every lesson that I took with me from boyhood was necessarily a bad one,” she says on the LGBTQ&A podcast. “How do I make sense of it? Through the dogs. I had all those experiences, and even though I can’t exactly remember what that life was like, I definitely remember the dogs.”

Boylan is careful to note that not every trans person agrees with the language she uses to talk about her life.

Here is here interview.

19:30 in to the interview she makes a comment about how we should respond to the threat to our existence and what we want from cisgender people.

Boomers

Some people use that word all the time when talking about seniors usually it is used as “OK Boomers” without thinking about it because it is so common.

Most of them would be horrified if anyone used the “N” word or other racist words but boomer is just laughed off.

I was at a town hall meeting to discuss the coming legislative session about what LGBTQ+ discrimination legislation we should sponsor, most of the attendees were probably in their late teens and twenties. The legislation discussed was about discrimination in school and I mentioned about the other end of the spectrum… seniors.

I talked about discrimination in nursing homes and long term care facilities, after I finished someone said “OK Boomer” which was followed laughter.

A CEO of a large Hartford based insurance company in a news conference said that they’re moving their headquarters to New York City to find younger talent.

When they shutdown the factory where I worked for 28 years I took the option of early retirement because I knew that at 60 it would be impossible for me to find a job, especially at my salary but even with a cut in pay I don’t think that I would get any job offers. They would want someone with “fresh skills,” and with “new ideas” translated someone fresh out of college.

Even the Supreme Court thought the phrase “OK Boomer” was age discrimination.

How ‘OK, Boomer’ Went From Meme to Supreme (Court)
Bloomberg
By Caleb Melby
January 17, 2020


Can saying “OK, boomer” at work constitute age discrimination? Inquiring minds, among them U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts, want to know. While the jury’s out, workers might want to exercise caution when using this phrase around the office. But they shouldn’t be surprised if younger generations roll their eyes at the heightened concern.

1. What’s ‘OK, boomer’?
“OK, boomer” took off early last year as a snappy, youthful retort, especially online, to the concerns and concern-trolling of Americans born between 1946 and 1964, i.e. the postwar Baby Boom generation. Like many things on the internet, subtlety and nuance are not exactly the point. Hand-wringing about so-called cancel culture? OK, boomer. Attributing the delayed life-markers of younger generations -- home-purchasing, marriage, children and retirement savings -- to personal failure rather than an inhospitable economic climate? OK, boomer. Feeling disrespected by kids saying “OK, boomer”? OK, boomer.
[…]
4. How’d it get to the Supreme Court?
The chief justice posed a hypothetical question during oral arguments Jan. 15 in a case in which a woman alleges the Department of Veterans Affairs denied her opportunities for promotion because of her gender and age. He asked: if someone says, “OK, boomer,” to a job applicant, would that be significant enough to show age discrimination?

NBC News had this to say,

The meme is a favorite of younger generations and Roberts used it in questions in a case about age discrimination in the workplace.

"The hiring person, who's younger, says, ‘OK, Boomer,' once to the applicant,” Roberts said as he conjured a hypothetical exchange to try to figure out when an older federal employee might be able to win a lawsuit under the Age Discrimination in Employment Act.

It was the first time, according to databases of high court arguments, the somewhat pejorative phrase used by younger people to criticize the less flexible, tolerant and tech-savvy ways of their elders has been uttered in the Supreme Court, where the nine justices range in age from 52 (Neil Gorsuch) to 86 (Ruth Bader Ginsburg).
[…]
The issue before the court is whether an employee can prevail only if age discrimination is the key factor she didn't get what she sought, or whether it's enough that age discrimination was part of the process, even if the people who were selected were better qualified.

Many of the people who use “OK Boomer” would never discriminate against anyone nor use words that are derogatory but they don’t even think about age discrimination.


“OK Boomer” is not just an American problem…

Oh and that meeting I attended, when the people running the meeting never spoke out, I never went back.

The Best From The Past

Searching for a topic to write about all I found were articles about trans people being attacked or articles about COVID-19, so I dug into past blog posts… From January 2018.

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As we grow older we start to worry about our health and will we end up in a long term care facility. Connecticut has some good laws that protect us from discrimination and harassment, but all that my change under the Trump administration.

New year brings uncertainty and fear for some LGBTQ elders
NBC News
By Julie Compton
December24.2017

As many Americans think about what they will receive this Christmas, some lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender seniors are wondering what they may lose in the new year. A number of them even wonder if they’ll still have homes.
[…]
Tom, a retired banker, receives less than half of his pre-retirement income. In 2015, he moved into a senior living complex in the Bronx. Now 76, he said he’s worried about losing his apartment. In May, the Trump administration announced plans to slash funding for the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD), which Tom depends on for his housing subsidy.

Although not a LGBT problem per se but it affects us just the same, for many trans people they are already living in substandard housing.

LGBTQ elders with HIV are particularly vulnerable, according to Michael Adams, CEO of Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Elders (SAGE), which organized Thursday's holiday party at the Bronx center and other centers throughout the city. Adams said many suffer from comorbidity issues that worsen with age.
[…]
Half of people with HIV in the U.S. are aged 50 or older, according to Adams, and he said financial security and poverty are major challenges for many LGBTQ elders, particularly those living with HIV.

With the massive cuts for HIV/AIDS funding those living with AIDS are going to be faced with keeping a roof over their head verse paying for the meds that keep them alive.

Then there is the fear of discrimination in senior housing and long term care facilities.
Adams is also concerned about an ongoing Supreme Court case Masterpiece Cakeshop v. Colorado Civil Rights Commission. The case will determine whether a baker had the right to turn away a same-sex couple because of his religious beliefs. Some argue religious exemptions are about freedom of speech, not discrimination. But Adams said such exemptions could have a devastating impact on LGBTQ elders across the country. He said 85 percent of longtime senior care providers are religiously affiliated organizations.

That is where the real danger lies, if staff in long term care facilities can legally refuse to treat you where are you going to get healthcare?

Also, the Trump administration has repealed the HUD rules banning long term care facilities from initiating binding arbitration and regulations according to USA Today.

Rodney Whitlock, a health policy consultant and former Republican Senate staffer, said health inspectors “are out there looking for opportunities to show that the nursing homes are not living up to some extremely tight standards.” He said while the motivation for tough regulation was understandable, “the fines don’t make it easier to hire people and doesn’t make it easier to stay in business.”

In June, CMS rescinded another Obama administration action that banned nursing homes from pre-emptively requiring residents to submit to arbitration to settle disputes rather than going to court.

Those “burdensome regulations” have a purpose, to protect us. To make sure there is proper staffing, to make sure the staff is properly trained.

While adding binding arbitration will keep us from filing a discrimination complaint with state agencies. They can totally ignore the non-discrimination laws and our only recourse would be to go to arbitration where the LTC facility gets to pick the judge.

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Today here in Connecticut there is work being done to make LTC facilities welcoming to the LGBTQ+ community. I am on a committee of the Long Term Care Ombudsman Program on diversity where we are working on ways to make LTC facilities more diverse not only for LGBTQ+ people but for other marginalized communities.

We Are All Getting Older...

...And it sure beats the alternative of pushing up daisies.

However, being trans creates a whole mess of barriers that we face.

Case study explores needs of transgender-identified senior citizens
CBS19
By Desiree Montilla
February 23rd, 2020

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. (CBS19 NEWS) -- Two nurses from the University of Virginia's School of Nursing are looking into the needs of transgender-identified senior citizens.

Cathy Campbell, a faculty member at the UVA School of Nursing, produced the case study with Lauren Catlett, a Ph.D. student at the UVA School of Nursing.

The case study took over a year to publish and focused on a book titled, "Little Star." The book is based on the story of a local transgender-identified elder named Carmelita.

Catlett cared for Carmelita while she was in hospice and supported her through the end of her life.
[…]
Campbell said there's data that suggests many senior citizens transition at a later stage in their life.

"People who are 65 years of age or older, who identify as transgender, 97 percent of those people transitioned after the age of 55," she said.

For many lesbians and gays going in to a Long Term Care facility is hard but they can hide again in a closet if they want to however for many trans people that is not an option.

UVA Today wrote,

Of the 1.5 million Americans who identify as transgender, roughly 217,000 – about 14% – are older than age 65. According to a 2011 report by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, 97% transitioned (claimed their preferred gender identity that differed from their sex at birth) at age 55 or older.

Sometimes called “Generation Silent,” many transgender senior citizens – like LGBTQ seniors more generally – are particularly vulnerable at the end of their lives, and sometimes conceal their status with care providers out of fear of being mistreated, according to University of Virginia nursing professor and scholar Cathy Campbell. Without a concerted effort to prevent such discrimination, these groups may experience gaps in care, unchecked pain associated with their illness or even outright abandonment by clinicians.

Okay, you reach a point in life where you need help for your everyday chores so you are looking at one of those “homemaker” to come in to your house to help with meals, shopping, and cleaning what do you do?

I used to what I call “sanitizing,” I would clean my house of everything “trans” when my parents came over but you can’t do that if a homemaker is there everyday.

Tomorrow I am doing training at a “service agency” that provides homemaker and companion services for home-bound senior citizens and Friday is the CT Long Term Care Ombudsman Inclusive Care Committee meeting. Next month I am doing training for Long Term Care providers.

Does any laws protect us?

Here in Connecticut we have PA11-55 An Act Concerning Discrimination which covers housing and public accommodation which includes nursing homes and LTC facilites.

There is a pamphlet that National Long Term Care Ombudsman, the National Resource Center on LGBT Aging, and Lambda Legal that discuss your rights.

Residents’ Rights and the LGBT Community: Know YOUR Rights as a Nursing Home Resident

The federal 1987 Nursing Home Reform Law requires nursing homes to “protect and promote the rights of each resident” emphasizing individual dignity and self-determination in the provision of long-term care. Every nursing home accepting Medicare and/or Medicaid must meet federal requirements, including those regarding residents’ rights.
[…]
KNOW Your Rights
Individuals living in nursing homes have the same rights to be free from discrimination and harassment as individuals living in the larger community. In addition, they have rights and protections provided by federal nursing home regulations and state and federal anti-discrimination provisions. The rights of all residents should be honored and respected, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity or expression.

Understanding your rights, learning about ways to solve problems, and knowing how to get help if issues arise is the first step in ensuring quality care. The federal nursing home regulations provide the following resident rights and facility requirements that may be of particular importance to lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender individuals living in a nursing home. State nursing home regulations and various anti-discrimination laws may provide additional protections (see “Resources” section for link to federal nursing home regulations)

Here in Connecticut we have a Long Term Care Ombudsman that can help you.

We shouldn’t have to worry our care when we get older.

Let’s Face It, We Are All Getting Old

And it sure beats the alternative.

As we age at sometime in our life we will need senior care, whether it is a senior center, over 55 communities, home-care, or long tern care facilities and we need to make sure that they know our special care we need and are accepting of us.

Nurses study the needs of transgender senior citizens
Medicalxpress
By Christine Phelan Kueter, University of Virginia
January 7, 2020

Of the 1.5 million Americans who identify as transgender, roughly 217,000—about 14—are older than age 65. According to a 2011 report by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, 97 percent transitioned (claimed their preferred gender identity that differed from their sex at birth) at age 55 or older.

Sometimes called "Generation Silent," many transgender senior citizens—like LGBTQ seniors more generally—are particularly vulnerable at the end of their lives, and sometimes conceal their status with care providers out of fear of being mistreated, according to University of Virginia nursing professor and scholar Cathy Campbell. Without a concerted effort to prevent such discrimination, these groups may experience gaps in care, unchecked pain associated with their illness or even outright abandonment by clinicians.
[…]
As frontline caregivers, nurses are particularly well-positioned advocates for these individuals. Campbell, with nurse and Ph.D. student Lauren Catlett, recently wrote a case study examining the unique social and spiritual needs of a transgender woman named Carmelita who, at age 60, was dying of esophageal cancer. The study, which offers an intensely personal glimpse into the life of a transgender senior, was just published in the Journal of Hospice & Palliative Care Nursing.

Here in Connecticut we are working to help educate caregivers in the needs of our community. The state department on Aging & Disability Services is working to ensure proper and respectful care for us and I am on its the Long Term Care Ombudsman Program committee on inclusive care.

Also Connecticut Community Care has a program to train healthcare providers to the needs of the LGBTQ community.

"I'm sick. I'm dying. I need you," these patients say. What they really want to know is: "Can I be safe with you?"

When my parents were still alive I used to do what I called “sanitize” my house when they came over, I hide all my trans stuff and clothes. Seniors are now doing that when they have a home healthcare provider come over to their house, their partner of 30 years becomes “a close friend” and all of their photos of them together get hidden.

If I have to go into a LTC facility I wonder how will I be treated. Crossdressers wonder will I be able to dress in a LTC facility? Sadly I know of one crossdresser who stopped dressing in a LTC and became very transphobic to hide his secret.

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Also in healthcare news a federal court has banned the military from expelling HIV positive military personnel.

Federal Appeals court rules Trump can’t discharge ervicemembers just for being HIV-positive
The judges wrote, "This ban is outmoded and at odds with current science. Such obsolete understandings cannot justify a ban."
LGBTQ Nation
By Daniel Villarreal Friday,
January 10, 2020

The Fourth Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals has upheld a lower court ruling saying that the Trump Administration cannot discharge members of the Air Force just because they’re HIV-positive.

The decision prevents two HIV-positive Air Force members, identified in the court case as “Richard Roe” and “Victor Voe” to protect their anonymity, from being discharged. Now they may stay in the military while their case against the military’s ban on HIV-positive servicemembers proceeds.
[…]
However, the judge ruled that the Air Force violated the Americans with Disabilities Act because it discharged the soldiers before actually sending them to CENTCOM to get officially rejected. In doing so, the Air Force violated pre-existing military protocols because members of the Air Force Physical Evaluation Board recommended Roe and Voe for discharge without actually evaluating either man’s physical fitness or ability to complete service duties.