1. What is the biggest thing you wanted to do this summer that you actually managed to accomplish? Gee, I don’t know. We didn’t do that much work on the cottage and I didn’t have any projects that I wanted to work on around my house.
2. What is the biggest thing you wanted to do this summer that you didn’t accomplish? Actually, it was a project that I was working on for a non-profit where I volunteer. We are conducting a survey in the greater Hartford area and it is taking longer than we thought.
3. Did you take a vacation during the summer, and if so, where did you go? Well kind of, I went to my nephew’s wedding in Asheville North Carolina and I stayed down there for over a week. I also took a long weekend up at my brother’s in Kennebunk ME and I went up to a botanical gardens in Boothbay. 4. What do you look forward to most about the fall? School and my internship
5. What do you look forward to the least about fall? School and my internship 6. Take the quiz:What Season Tree Are You?
You are contemplative and deep. You enjoy observing the world around you. You know that change is inevitable, and you try to roll with whatever life brings.
You can see the extraordinary in the ordinary. You are easily inspired. You try to remain balanced and steady in the face of upheaval.
1. When was the last time you cried? A couple of weeks ago, I was watching a Hallmark movie.
2. If you could wake up tomorrow with a new talent, what would it be? To sing or play an instrument.
3. Who is someone (other than yourself) would you like to go back into your past and talk to and why? My mother, to find out if she would have been OK with me now.
4. What is your favorite meal eating out? Oh… that is a tough question. When it comes to food, I like too many different types of food. I would have to say some type of seafood. My last take-out meal was Fried Clams (yesterday for lunch. I had a meeting at a state office next door and the meeting got out a little before noon and I could smell food cooking.). My last dinner at a restaurant was at Skippers Dock in Stonington (You can read about it here).
5. Do you feel energized or drained by being in a group situation? If the answer is "it depends," on what does it depend? It depends… on the age group and the activity. If they are all old farts like me and we are talking about our aches and pains or it is a boring meeting then yes, I feel drained. However, if was like today with a group of 30 year olds, then no.
6. What word do you use far too frequently? What? I have tinnitus and it makes me really have to concentrate to understand what people are saying in a noisy place.
7. What’s a word you’ve invented? (alternate question: What needs a word but doesn’t have one yet?) Well, Refudiate is already taken, I have to think about it some more.
8. Pick out one of your favorite songs. Go to Song Facts and tell us about the song's history. Its “Lola.” However, reading the Song Facts about it they use a very derogatory word to describe “Lola”, transvestite. It is considered fetishistic.
9. What is your absolute favorite piece of furniture you have and why? The couch, I lay down on it to read my homework, surf the net with my laptop on it, sleep on it and sometimes I actually sit on it.
No, not that type of hoops. The type that the DSM makes you jump through. What is the DSM you ask. It is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders and that is the book that therapist use to be paid, if it is the DSM they can bill the insurance companies.
Once you are diagnosed with a gender identity disorder, then there is the Standard of Care procedure that are followed and require that you jump through more hoops and perform other clown acts in order for you to get your reward.
And one of those hoops is “A period of psychotherapy of a duration specified by the mental health professional after the initial evaluation (usually a minimum of three months).” So that meant that I had to see a therapist for at least three months and here my tale begins…
I made an appointment to see a local therapist and when I walked into her office, there was an overstuffed chair and couch, and I choose the overstuffed chair. So here I was sitting in the chair that was two sizes too big for me and she started by taking my history. We did all the classic tests like the ink blot test and when we get to the one where she says a word and you reply with the first word that pops in to your head. I started to giggle.
Well that did it; she stops and asks me what is wrong. I said this is so Freudian; all you need is a beard and a monocle. We talked a little bit about it and then proceeded with the word association test. I must have jumped trough all the right hoops because after 3 months I was approved for hormones.
However, I don’t think it is right to be labeled with a mental disorder in order to be treated for a medical condition. When I can afford the surgery, I will have to go to two therapists in order to get my letters for the surgery. Now for ever and ever, I will be labeled with having a mental illness and for some people can mean the difference between being employed and not being employed. You carry the stigma the rest of your life. The way that the DSM is written now, once you have been diagnosed with GID you are stuck with the diagnosis the rest of your life. There might be a change in the DSM in a couple of years that will provide an exit clause, but you will still need an initial diagnosis of GID, which is not acceptable. It should be removed all together and moved to medical diagnosis.
As part of my internship, I have a nine o’clock meeting at one of the state agencies and that is followed in the afternoon by a meeting with one of the professors who wants to see me about doing something at the field seminar on Friday. After that is my class at two and then at 7:00pm they is a web training broadcast at my internship.
A woman was murdered in New Jersey Sunday, shot to death in her own home. Sadly that would have not made headlines, it would have been just another murder out of hundreds of other murders. However, becuase she was transsexual propelled the story into the headlines. She was a post-op transseuxal and had all her records change to reflex her gender, including her birth certificate.
I like to ask two questions? First, why did the medical examiner release the fact that she was transsexual, has the medical examiner ever heard of a little law called HIPAA? At this time the fact that she was transgender has no bearing upon the case. Would the medical examiner release the fact that someone had cancer? Then why did the medical examiner feel that releasing other medical facts was okay?
Second why did the news media feel that they had to publish the fact that she was trans? At this time it has no bearing upon the case and it invade her privacy, by publishing her medical history. I believe the only reason that they did was to sensationalize the story and bring in ad revenue at her expense.
I am not going to provide a link because I don't want to reward them for their exploitation of the victim.
This morning is my first day at my internship, True Colors, it is going to be hard getting back into the groove. This will the first time that I have to be somewhere every day since my last internship back in the 2006/2007 school year.
I'm interning for 20 hours a week, five hours a day for four days and I have classes on the fifth day. It doesn't sound like a lot, but because I am retired I usually don't have to be anywhere at any particular time. So working is going to be something that I will have to get use to again.
The march and rally almost didn’t take place yesterday, it was called off earlier in the week, but at the last minute as group came together. It was a beautiful, you couldn’t have asked for better weather, mid seventies, light wind and partly sunny. I got up there around 10:30 and walked to Lampton Park where the march began and I marched with the Connecticut Outreach Society group. On the steps of city hall they held the rally. The speakers included Bet Powers, Monica Roberts, Gunner Scott and others, along with a couple of bands. Monica Robert is a long time trans-activists and was one of the first trans-people to lobby for ENDA back in the mid-nineties (her bog is here). When the first band started play after Monica spoke, it was so loud that I took a walk to get away from the noise and I ended up at an ice cream shop and had a choclate milk shake. I came back to hear Gunner's speech and then I left around two.
I took a few pictures, Glenn Koetzner from the Rainbow Times took hundreds and they are on Facebook here.
I took a couple of short videos (less than 30 seconds), the quality isn’t that great (I took them with a still camera that has video capabilities), but you can get the feeling of the march.
1. What is the most recent thing you purchased with real cash? I think I bought a basket of peaches and apple cider from a local orchard.
2. As a general rule, do you keep cash on you at all times? Yes.
3. You have $50 in cash in your pocket and you are approached by someone asking for $20 because they’ve run out of gas. They seem believable and genuinely in need. Would you give them the $20? No. I would like to help, but I also have to watch my budget because I’m living on my retirement.
You're not totally broke, but you definitely are counting all your pennies. You believe that thrift is a virtue. You've got some cash in your pocket, and you'd like to keep it that way. You like being one step ahead of your bills.
You are responsible and detail oriented. You aren't intimidated by money or balancing your checkbook. You are the type most likely to know what everything costs... and to know when a cashier gave you wrong change.
5. How often do you have this denomination in your pocket? Yeah, I have fives in my pocketbook.
6. Which single line in the quiz answer above best describes you? None of them describes me. I don’t usually go out to dinner on Saturday nights or any day of the week.
1. When was the last time that you had to tell someone that you loved, that the answer was no? A very long, long time ago.
2. When was the last time you visited a hospital? When my aunt was sick sometime around 2008.
3. If you were to start a club, what would the subject matter be, and what would you name it? The do nothing club
4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? Nope, I have never hit anyone in my adult life and I don’t count hitting my brother when we were little.
5. What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex? Their eyes
6. What really turns you on? A woman who about others, and it is not just about themselves.
7. What was your biggest mistake? I’m not saying, but it was about counting your chickens before they hatch.
8. Tell us something totally random about yourself. I can wiggle my nose and ears at the same time.
9. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Nope.
I went down to Stonington today and meet a friend for lunch at Skippers Dock. Lunch was delicious; I had Pan Sautéed Filets of Sole Francais and my friend had the Dockburger BLT with Bleu Cheese Melt. We sat out on the deck out of the wind and it was quite comfortable despite being only in the upper sixties. There was this big yacht that was tied up to the restaurant dock and the restaurant staff was bring platters of food out to the boat. Then a little while latter all the guests arrived. This is a picture of it leaving… After we ate, we drove down to the point and visited the Stonington Lighthouse Museum. The lighthouse in its current location was built in 1840. Here is a picture looking out from the lighthouse tower's lantern room. As we were leaving the lighthouse, this fishing boat was coming out of Stonington harbor. On the way down to Stonington, I stopped at a scenic rest area on I-95 overlooking old Mystic harbor. The ship is the Charles W. Morgan that is tied up at Mystic Seaport.
Ravndal, a prominent figure in the state's tea party movement since its early days [President of the Big Sky Tea Party Association], made the comment July 23, in regards to an article in the Billings Gazette about an American Civil Liberties Union lawsuit over rights for same-sex couples.
The Facebook comment has since been removed, but the Tribune obtained a photo documenting the following exchange:
Tim Ravndal: "Marriage is between a man and a woman period! By giving rights to those otherwise would be a violation of the constitution and my own rights"
Keith Baker: "How dare you exercise your First Amendment Rights?"
Dennis Scranton: "I think fruits are decorative. Hang up where they can be seen and appreciated. Call Wyoming for display instructions."
Tim Ravndal: "@Kieth, OOPS I forgot this aint(sic) America no more! @ Dennis, Where can I get that Wyoming printed instruction manual?"
Dennis Scranton: "Should be able to get info Gazette archives. Maybe even an illustration. Go back a bit over ten years."
The exchange between Ravndal and Facebook user Dennis Scranton appears to reference the 1998 slaying of 21-year-old University of Wyoming student Matthew Shepard, who was beaten and tied to a fencepost, where he was left to die. During the trial, witnesses testified that Shepard was targeted because he was gay.
And then he had the nerve to say that he didn’t realize that they were talking about Matthew Shepard…
When reached for comment Friday, Ravndal apologized for the post, saying he "never made the connection" to Shepard's murder until after national bloggers picked up on it and his phone started ringing earlier this week.
"I wasn't even thinking about the tragedy that happened in Wyoming," Ravndal said. "I made a mistake and I apologize to anyone I offended. I do not condone violence to any human being."
What did he think they were talking about?
Ravndal wasn’t the only one caught made anti-gay comments,
Jason Priest, a Republican Senate candidate from Red Lodge, issued an apology Wednesday after posting a vulgar antigay comment on someone else's Facebook page as part of a critique of President Barack Obama's economic policies.
It is time to stop the hate and bigotry!
Update: Sept. 10 The Montana Tea Party fired Tim Ravndal
A Supreme Courts decision from last May once again affects each and everyone of us. The ruling is about binding arbitration, you know the fine print on your credit cards or the car rental agreements or your cable bill or even on employee manual where you give up you rights to legal action even if the company breaks the law.
In 2004, when Jackson signed his employment contract, he agreed that disputes arising from his employment would go to arbitration. Specifically, his contract said, "The Arbitrator, and not any federal, state or local court or agency, shall have exclusive authority to resolve any dispute relating to the interpretation, applicability, enforceability or formation of this Agreement." And so, in 2007, when Jackson sued Rent-A-Center for racial discrimination and retaliation in federal district court, his former employer tried to dismiss the case, arguing that the arbitration agreement meant that only an arbitrator could determine whether the agreement was enforceable. (More legalese in the contract: The arbitration authority extended to "any claim that all or any part of this Agreement is void or voidable.")
Note the part that says, “The Arbitrator, and not any federal, state or local court or agency, shall have exclusive authority to resolve any dispute relating to the interpretation, applicability, enforceability or formation of this Agreement.” The court ruled just that, that Jackson gave away all his rights under the law. That means that a company can have you work an 80 hour work week and pay you for only 40 hours or even pay you not at all. It means that companies can discriminate against black or pregnant women, they can do anything that they want to do. Impossible you say. The article goes on to say…
The rap on mandatory arbitration clauses is that, in the interest of speed and efficiency, they replace the truth-seeking function of courts with the truthiness-seeking function of paid arbitrators. In addition to structural incentives for arbitrators to favor the employer and wonky fee-sharing and secrecy rules, arbitration provides for limited review and unequal bargaining power between employers and employees (who are generally told to take it or leave it). But the courts have mostly tended to enforce arbitration agreements, except in extraordinary cases, and the lower courts agreed to dismiss Jackson's case. The 9th Circuit reversed, finding that whether an arbitration provision is unconscionable is a matter for the courts, not an arbitrator. Rent-A-Center appealed to the Supreme Court, and the tilt-a-whirl of oral argument begins.
So the company can stack the deck anyway they want, they determine who is the arbitrator or who pays for the arbitrator, in other words the Supreme Court just gave companies the right to impose any rules that they want and the employee cannot do anything about it.
When the justices asked if binding arbitration applied in all types of contracts, the lawyer answered,
But Ruth Bader Ginsburg cuts him short. "Underlying your whole case, I think, is the notion that this is a take-it-or-leave-it contract, very common in consumer, credit card agreements, in employment contracts, that one party has no say except to sign or not to sign," she says. "Are all those contracts subject to the unconscionability argument that you are making?" Uh, oh. When Silverberg [Jackson’s lawyer] says that, yes, all these contracts are subject to this argument, Scalia says, "Well, kiss goodbye to arbitration." Or, more likely, kiss it hello.
In the Wall Street Journal article by Clifford M. Marks, he writes…
Dissenting Justice Stevens wrote that the result made no sense. If the arbitration agreement is “so one-sided and the process of its making so unfair” then it was unreasonable to assume Jackson truly assented to put that very question to the arbitrator, Stevens wrote.
The decision is already drawing flak from liberal groups and lawmakers, who contend it will stack the scales in favor of corporations. In a statement, Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Patrick Leahy said, “five members of the Supreme Court struck a blow to our nation’s civil rights laws and the protections that American workers have long enjoyed under those laws.”
Still not convinced…
The other bad Supreme Court decision this year was about allowing companies unlimited political spending in campaigns, you can read what I wrote here and here.
It all started back when I was still working and I was thinking about retirement. I asked several friends what did they think was the best way to help the trans-community once I retired and many of them said to go and get my Master’s in Social Work.
I get the mail from the Post Office for the Connecticut Outreach Society once a week, and one week there was a college catalog from the UConn School of School Work in the mail. I was glancing through it, some of the classes sounded interesting and reading further; I found out that anyone could take the classes, not just matriculating students. The program was called STEP (Staff Training and Education for the Profession Program), it is a non- matriculating program for people who have been away from school for a while and want to get their feet wet, so to speak. They could see if going back to school to earn their masters was for them. The program allows a person to earn up to 14 credits towards a MSW and if you decide to apply fulltime, those credits are transferred in the matriculating program. The class that caught my eye was, “New Perspectives on Gays and Lesbians”
So the next day, I went down to the HR department at work to see if the company would pay for the class. After talking it over, the HR director said that she thought it was a wonderful idea, so I enrolled in two classes, the “New Perspectives on Gays and Lesbians” and Marco Practices.
When I registered for the classes, I asked them if there would be any problem because my name was still my male name and they told me that it would not be a problem, they said that they would add a note to my file. The first day of class the professors called my male name and I told them they I go by Diana, so much for passing along note (sic). In all the classes I went by Diana, when I handed in my homework assignments or taking exams and when I did transition, the school changed my records. In class on the first day we introduced ourselves, most of the students received their bachelors within 10 years and their degree were in the humanities and when it came to my turn I said, that I got my bachelor degree 34 years ago in engineering. Talk about the square peg in a round hole.
At work, no one could understand why I was taking classes in social work. I told them that I wanted to help people once I retired, however, I couldn’t tell them the whole reason why because I was still closeted and no one at work knew that I was trans except HR. When they closed down the factory and I was laid off they gave us tuition allowance and I latter found out that I was the only one of the 60 employees to take advantage of the allowance.
I will graduate in May and I think that going back to school was the best thing that I ever did in life. It has built my self-esteem and confidence, it has giving me a purpose in living, it has help me in my transition and it was fun. Sure I bitch and moan about homework and exams, but I really enjoy the classroom discussion and the other students, I will miss them.
Well I have to start to think what I’m going to wear for my first day of class.
What's the main thing that builds your self-confidence and why? Good question! I know for me, self-confidence is something that I am aware of daily. Every waking hour I have to fight to keep my self-confidence because there are so many people out there that are trying to tear it down. How many of you who are reading this have every had someone come up to you and tell you that you are damned and going to hell? I have. Or have gone to a fast food place and one of the employees yells to the people in the back, “Hey you all have to see this!” and they all come out to gawk. I am reminded of the poem by Reverend Jesse Jackson, “I am Somebody”
What lessons in humility have you learned over the course of your life? That we all make mistakes or do something that we regret, but we owe up to it and move on.
How do you combat negative thoughts? Okay, this is out of Coping Skills 101… Belly breathing, square breathing, visualization – I’m a beautiful field of flowers, practice relaxation exercises, distracting yourself, etc. I use “distracting myself” a lot, if I’m in a check-out line and someone is staring, I might concentrate on the tabloid newspaper rack.
Patrick’s Place Saturday Six – Episode 334 1. What is the newest thing in your living room? A photograph that my brother and sister-in-law gave me.
2. What’s the oldest thing in your living room? See answer #1
3. Which painting or portrait means the most to you and why? The photograph of my parents who have pasted away. I think the answer is obvious.
4. Which item given to you by someone else means the most to you and why? It is the mantle, my father made it for me. He was past his prime when he made it and are several imperfection, but it is the fact that he made which make it so valuable.
5. Which item that you bought is the item you regret buying the most? The recliner, my parents gave it to as a house-warming gift and they order a “tall” recliner and it is just too large for me. I feel like Lily Tomlin in the skit she did on the oversized rocker. 6. Which item is in the most need of replacement? The recliner.
1. Do you feel that you are essentially the same person that your were ten years ago? Inside, yes; on the outside no.
2. Is there something that you have to give all or nothing to? Yes, losing weight. I really have to bucker down and start losing weight.
3. Have you ever gambled? What have you bet on and for how much? Once in a great while you can find me at Foxwoods or the Mohegan Sun casinos, I usually bring only a $100. but I usually go once ever couple of years.
4. Can you sleep anywhere or does it have to be in a bed? I sleep best on a bed, a couch is next and anywhere else it is a real effort to fall and stay asleep.
5. Tell us about the most disastrous or embarrassing first impression you've ever made on someone. Some people have a negative first impression of me because I’m trans, they don’t get to know me and see who I really am.
6. Do you have a memorable "ripped clothing" moment in your life? No? How about in someone else's? Nope
7. What's changed on your blog since its inception? ...a redo? ...a change of pace? ...or is it about the same? Well, I first started bloging on Geocites and then moved to Blogspot, since then I changed my motif once on Blogspot
8. If you could travel back in time and whisper something to yourself ten years ago, what would it be? You can do it!
9. Okay, let's have it! What's the craziest, most impulsive thing you've ever done? Hmmm… that is a hard one, it was probably something I did as a teenager many moons ago.
I just got back New Hampshire where I was at the family cottage for the weekend. We relaxed (i.e. napped)and we also did some work around the cottage. I installed an outside outlet and my nephew and his wife painted the bathroom and stairway, while my brother installed some Sheetrock and painted. The weather was very windy and the temperature in the low 70's during the day and at night it dropped into the upper 40's. Therefore, we spent a lot of the time indoors. The kids however went in swimming and even though they were turning blue, they had a great time in the water. In the strong winds leftover from hurricane Earl, my nephew's wife went out sailing on the lake and had a blast. She comes from Long Island, sailed most of her life and she said that it was a challenge to sail on the lake Saturday with all the changing winds gusts and wind direction. I planted some Black Eye Susan's this spring and it is finally paying off... P.S. I'll catch up on the weekend memes tomorrw.
Happy Labor Day weekend to all who celebrate it. And...here we go!
1. Family _is most important to me_.
2. _To find the house I was looking for, I had to drive_ back and forth.
3. I love a _stiff drink right about now_.
4. _Chili_ makes a good meal.
5. I've got the _next round of drinks_
6. _Another oil rig caught fire in the Gulf_: wth!!!
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to _being with the family at the cottage_, tomorrow my plans include _ being with the family at the cottage _ and Sunday, I want to _ be with the family at the cottage for the last weekend of summer_!
When people hear about support groups, they think of AA or a cancer support group, but there are many other support groups and types of groups.
There are professionally moderated groups, peer support groups, and social support groups. I have attended both peer and social groups, Connecticut Outreach Society and uniTy are examples of social support groups, while the Twenty Club is a peer support group.
So what are the differences between the groups? The social support groups tend to have more functions, such as banquets, going out to dinners or movies, make-up consultants, etc. The typical meeting usually begin with a guest speaker and then end with a Koffee Klatch. The guest speakers might talk about hair styles for body type, or how to apply make-up and what make-up goes with their complexion. Sometimes instead of meeting at the meetinghouse, they might go out to a store that opens up their store to the group. When a vendor opens their store to us, we both win. The store usually does more business during those couple of hours that they do during a whole day. For the group members, this might be the only time that they can buy clothes off the rack and actual try them on. Normally they might buy their clothes on-line, so when they go to the store, they are ready to buy something. The same is true when the group goes out to a movie or restaurant, this might be the only time that their members might be able to go out in public dressed. I use to take group on a trip up to Northampton MA to go shopping and then to dinner. It was a safe place for us because it was far away from their hometowns that they wouldn’t bump into someone that they know.
A peer support group is just the opposite of the social groups, there are no guest speakers, thee are no “outings”, and instead they will deal with issues. How to change your name, finding a doctor, how hormones affect the body or dealing with the issues of living in another gender. Typically, a meeting starts with a check-in, everyone is given a chance to tell about the problems they have had since the last meeting. Then the members have a chance to talk about problems or questions that they would like to be discussed by the group. A good example of a peer support group, was the support group meeting that was scene from the 2007 soap opera “All My Children”, all the members except the actor are trans-people…
(I know Jennifer and Betty, and I met the actor who played Zoey at a reception at the National Press Club in Washington DC for people who were there for the NTCE Lobby Day to lobby for ENDA in 2007.)
There is a third type and that is a professionally moderated group by a therapist, usually there is a fee associated with it. While a peer or social support group might ask for donations at the door or a membership fee. Support group members tend to be older, I think because it is now easier to come out these days and there is the internet now that helps those who are coming out. Plus I feel the younger trans-people have different needs than those who come out later in life. In addition, there are other groups available for minors because many support groups are not licensed to work with minors.
I first attended a social support group back in 2000, the Connecticut Outreach Society and for me it was the most amazing feeling, to know that I wasn’t alone. That I wasn’t the only one who felt like I did. The support group opened me up to the realization that I could actually go out into public. In 2001, I attended the Twenty Club summer picnic at Stratton Brook State Park and in my diary I wrote, that everyone was talking about surgeons, hormones and transitioning… this is the “Big Leagues”
In 2002, I attended my first Twenty Club meeting because I had grown to understand that the feelings that I were having went a lot deeper than crossdressing, that it went to my very soul. Both groups helped me, COS help me to be able to see that I was possible that I could go out into public and live as Diana. While the Twenty Club helped me work out my problems. For the first three years attending Twenty Club, I just listened, listening to what worked and what didn’t, listening to where the bumps in the road were. It wasn’t until 2004 that I started my journey, now it was my turn to start asking questions. And now the wheel has turned and I am answering questions to those who are now departing on their own journey.
In 2003, I was the Program Director of COS, I organized the meetings and invited the guests, and then in 2004, I became the Director of COS for two years. I have been on the Board ever since then in one capacity or another; I am currently the Board Secretary.
Support group fill a need, but they are not for everyone or only one type is for them. However, they are worth trying out to see if there is a fit for you.
