My Story Part – 43 Support Groups

When people hear about support groups, they think of AA or a cancer support group, but there are many other support groups and types of groups.

There are professionally moderated groups, peer support groups, and social support groups. I have attended both peer and social groups, Connecticut Outreach Society and uniTy are examples of social support groups, while the Twenty Club is a peer support group.

So what are the differences between the groups? The social support groups tend to have more functions, such as banquets, going out to dinners or movies, make-up consultants, etc. The typical meeting usually begin with a guest speaker and then end with a Koffee Klatch. The guest speakers might talk about hair styles for body type, or how to apply make-up and what make-up goes with their complexion. Sometimes instead of meeting at the meetinghouse, they might go out to a store that opens up their store to the group. When a vendor opens their store to us, we both win. The store usually does more business during those couple of hours that they do during a whole day. For the group members, this might be the only time that they can buy clothes off the rack and actual try them on. Normally they might buy their clothes on-line, so when they go to the store, they are ready to buy something. The same is true when the group goes out to a movie or restaurant, this might be the only time that their members might be able to go out in public dressed. I use to take group on a trip up to Northampton MA to go shopping and then to dinner. It was a safe place for us because it was far away from their hometowns that they wouldn’t bump into someone that they know.

A peer support group is just the opposite of the social groups, there are no guest speakers, thee are no “outings”, and instead they will deal with issues. How to change your name, finding a doctor, how hormones affect the body or dealing with the issues of living in another gender. Typically, a meeting starts with a check-in, everyone is given a chance to tell about the problems they have had since the last meeting. Then the members have a chance to talk about problems or questions that they would like to be discussed by the group. A good example of a peer support group, was the support group meeting that was scene from the 2007 soap opera “All My Children”, all the members except the actor are trans-people…

(I know Jennifer and Betty, and I met the actor who played Zoey at a reception at the National Press Club in Washington DC for people who were there for the NTCE Lobby Day to lobby for ENDA in 2007.)

There is a third type and that is a professionally moderated group by a therapist, usually there is a fee associated with it. While a peer or social support group might ask for donations at the door or a membership fee. Support group members tend to be older, I think because it is now easier to come out these days and there is the internet now that helps those who are coming out. Plus I feel the younger trans-people have different needs than those who come out later in life. In addition, there are other groups available for minors because many support groups are not licensed to work with minors.

I first attended a social support group back in 2000, the Connecticut Outreach Society and for me it was the most amazing feeling, to know that I wasn’t alone. That I wasn’t the only one who felt like I did. The support group opened me up to the realization that I could actually go out into public. In 2001, I attended the Twenty Club summer picnic at Stratton Brook State Park and in my diary I wrote, that everyone was talking about surgeons, hormones and transitioning… this is the “Big Leagues”

In 2002, I attended my first Twenty Club meeting because I had grown to understand that the feelings that I were having went a lot deeper than crossdressing, that it went to my very soul. Both groups helped me, COS help me to be able to see that I was possible that I could go out into public and live as Diana. While the Twenty Club helped me work out my problems. For the first three years attending Twenty Club, I just listened, listening to what worked and what didn’t, listening to where the bumps in the road were. It wasn’t until 2004 that I started my journey, now it was my turn to start asking questions. And now the wheel has turned and I am answering questions to those who are now departing on their own journey.

In 2003, I was the Program Director of COS, I organized the meetings and invited the guests, and then in 2004, I became the Director of COS for two years. I have been on the Board ever since then in one capacity or another; I am currently the Board Secretary.

Support group fill a need, but they are not for everyone or only one type is for them. However, they are worth trying out to see if there is a fit for you.