Thursday, October 11, 2007
Today October 11th is the National Coming Out Day.
When we come out it affects not only us, but all of those who love and know us. When we are in the closet we are living a lie and many of us are in denial, that this is a passing phase or that I can change, all I really need is love and I can be straight. We cannot face the fact that we are trans, gay or lesbian. We are under a lot of pressure to conform; society exerts a huge amount of force to be “Normal”. The stigma attached to being different is unbearable for some people and they would do anything just to be “Normal”.
Last night, I was waiting with the other students from my class for the class before us to get out. The janitors were going around collecting the waste paper and were standing in front of me laughing and talking in a foreign language while looking at me. After they left one of the students said innocently, “I wonder what they found so funny?” She didn’t have a clue why they were laugh and I felt like saying, “Three guesses and the first two don’t count.”
That is an example when I say that the social pressure to conform is so great, society lets you know in not so subtle ways that you are different and don’t belong. For those who do come out, it take a tremendous amount of courage and bravery to stand up to that type of pressure because it will change your life forever. You cannot say afterward, “I was only kidding.” If you are thinking of coming out today, keep this in mind and ask yourself is it really necessary to come out, is there a really a need to come out?
For me it was literally a matter of life or death. I was slowly killing myself by hiding from the truth. I had medical problems that were being cause by stress and the only way I could see to relieve that stress was by being true to myself. A friend once commented when coming out to her, I showed her pictures of me as Diana and her comment was “You are smiling!” Isn't it hard? Yes, it is very hard and probably that hardest thing I have ever done. Isn’t it still stressful? Yes, but that picture of me smiling says it all.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Next week is the “National Coming Out Week,” you might expect that I am in favor of it, but I am not. Coming out involves great risks and you should assess the risk before you come out. Know if you have a support network just in case things go bad. Do your parents support LGBT issues or are they opposed to them. Assess the risk if you are coming out in school; know how much support the school administration will give you. These are some of the factors that you should consider before coming out. In the New York Times article on school bullying entitled, Bullied for Being ‘Gay’ Dr. Jeffrey Fishberger of The Trevor Project writes,
Bullying and being teased for being what others perceive as “different” happens to many children. Lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgendered young people — or those perceived to be L.G.B.T. — have a much higher incidence of harassment at school. In fact, it’s estimated that more than a quarter of L.G.B.T. young people drop out of school because of this very harassment.It is important that you have a safe environment before coming out. The article goes on to state…
Fortunately, there are organizations that can work with your son’s school to help all the children understand the impact of their language and behavior. Glsen (the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network), for example, works to ensure safe schools for all students through a variety of programs. The Day of Silence, for example, continues to grow each year, and hundreds of thousands of students now come together each year to participate. Another program, the No Name-Calling Week, provides schools with tools and inspiration to foster a dialogue about ways to eliminate bullying and name-calling in their communities. Another resource that can be of help is The Trevor Project’s workshop program. …to open up discussions with all students about how language and behavior can affect the way an individual feels about him- or herself. A supportive teacher, school counselor or school administrator can assist in implementing these programs in your son’s school.Here in Connecticut True Colors is a valuable resource for children coming out in school. Above all, be safe!
Wednesday, October 11, 2017
A person that I know says on National Coming Out Day she wants to pick up the phone and dial a random number and when they answer just say, “I’m a lesbian” and hang up.
You might expect that I am in favor of it, but I am not. Coming out involves great risks and you should assess the risk before you come out. Know if you have a support network just in case things go bad. Do your parents support LGBT issues or are they opposed to them. Assess the risk if you are coming out in school; know how much support the school administration will give you. These are some of the factors that you should consider before coming out.
Harvey Milk’s quote “Burst down those closet doors and stand up once and for all, and start to fight.” Is okay but think first; will coming out put me in danger?
Have a plan on coming out, just don’t blurt out “I’m trans!” Timing is everything; you don’t want to be sitting down at a family Thanksgiving dinner and just pop it out that you are transgender. When I came out I came out to my brother I had a plan and he was the first person that I came out to because I knew he would be the most supportive.
You don’t want to come out to the whole family at once because all it takes is for one person to have a negative reaction and that could sway the rest of the family. You want to build family allies before you come out to your whole family so that they can speak on your behalf.
When you come out at work you want to tell HR first so that they can prepare to tell the whole company. You don’t want to just send out an email to the whole company that says, “Hey everyone, guess what? I’m trans!”
So be safe, think before you act.
The bottom line: Think before you come out and be prepared for the worst and then you can be surprised with the outcome.
One of my cousin's was deeply religious and I put off telling them until last, I told them when I had my brother and sister-in-law with me for support. When I told her she got up and hugged me and she was the first relative to invite me to a holiday dinner. I was fearing for the worst and was surprised when it didn't happen.
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