I Have Always Agreed With…

Visual non-conformity is a risk factor in causing anti-transgender bias and its attendant social and economic burdens
2015 U.S. Trans Survey

If you cannot integrate in to society you are going to face all types of harassment and discrimination. No matter if you are trans or not, if you stick out because of your height, weight, or looks you are going to get picked on; how many of you got called “four eyes” because you wore glasses in elementary school?

Pass Fail: The hell of not being seen as your gender
Medium
By Allison Washington
December 12, 2017

There is no reason I should have to pass. My gender is my gender. My ethnicity and race are mine. I am of them. No one gets to tell me what I am, what I am not, regardless of how they think I look.

As I move through the world as me, it’s not even sane to characterise what I do — what I live every moment — as ‘passing’. As if I am passing myself off as something other than what I am. The very idea is absurd.

But that’s what we call it: passing.

I hate the word “pass” and “stealth” as the author said the words make it sound like we are pulling off a deception.  I use the word integrate.

Oh, I want to pass. Of course I do. Everyone wants to be acknowledged and respected as their gender, as a valid member of their culture, as who they are. Few people want to constantly draw attention. Few enjoy being the subject of unwanted scrutiny, appraisal, rejection, and scorn.

She goes on to write about how being able to integrate into society can be a matter of life or death, but I can argue that integrating into society carries its own risks; namely violence even death if a person does find out that you are trans.

The whole passing schema is rigged and destructive. Passing is in the eye of the beholder — we have no control over how others choose to see us — yet we are all required by society to own passing privilege or suffer the (sometimes dire, always debilitating) consequence.

I think that many trans people mistake indifference to passing.

Just because no one is staring, just because no one is harassing you, or discriminating against you does not mean that you “pass.” All it means is that people don’t care.

When I first came out, “passing” was the “brass ring” that was everyone’s goal but over time I began to realize that the ultimate goal was to be able to live your life without interference.

I realized that the important thing is hope people treat you, if they treat you with respect and dignity is what counts.

---

The article was in response to another essay in Medium about the man in the mirror.

The Man in the Mirror
Reflections of a year on estrogen
By Amanda Roman
December 12, 2017


I don’t really want to dress up just for this appointment — it’s a weekday morning, so I’ll just have to change into my work clothes afterward — but it feels like I should. I want the doctor to think I’m actually trying. Because I am trying, right?

Looking in the mirror, I see a man staring back at me. He’s there every day. I can see him brushing his short, thin, receding man hair. He has muscular man arms, narrow man hips, and a bulging man gut. He’s wearing clothes which were not made with any of those features in mind. The look he’s giving me is one of vague contempt that asks why I would ever expect to see anything else.

Then I look down, and I see a woman. I see breasts and soft, smooth skin. I see a bra under a low-cut top with tight jeans and flats. I see delicately trimmed fingernails and swaying hips. She looks good, I think, until I remember that nobody else can see her.

With a sigh, I grab my phone and keys and head downstairs to get in the car. After putting on a coat, I glance down at myself again. Now I look like a man from this angle too. Groaning, I switch my coat for a women’s jacket. It’s not as warm, but that’s fine. I only need it for half the day.
[…]
“What can I get for you, sir?”

I think that we have all been there, and it hurts, it hurts deeply. It hurts me strongly especially after a long day.

But you have to realize that cis-gender women get “sired” also. But for us it burst our bubble our gender is validated when people use “Miss,” “Ma’am” and female pronouns.

As for looking in a mirror, well now a days I see me; a trans woman.

Over time I came to realize that we can never lose our history, it is an integral part of our lives. It is part of who we are.

---

This afternoon I am down at Mystic Seaport with a group of friends. Every year I tried to go there for the carol sing and to photograph the seaport. I will be integrated part of the crowd and no one will real give me more than a second glance.