Yesterday I wrote about the gatekeepers well today I found an article about what one trans person knew before they had surgery. Some of the things were pretty basic and others things she should have known beforehand.
When I transitioned I did it over the timeframe of over seven years, gradually go out in public more and more until all but 40 hours at work I was Diana. I went to support groups and just listened, it wasn’t until a year or two later that I felt that I knew enough to ask intelligent questions. I saw all types of people who went through the support group and I watched who had problems and who didn’t, and by far those who had the least problems transitioned slowly. One trans woman wanted surgery NOW! When the doctors here in the states refused to give her the letters she found a doctor overseas who would operate on her without any letters. I never saw her again and I always wonder how she is doing, I wish her luck.
There is no one way to transition and there is no right way to transition only a lot of wrong ways. We each my find our own way and make our own decisions and hope that they work for us.
What I wish I’d known before I had gender-affirming surgeryHmm… I knew that transitional wasn’t like the dreams. I knew I would still be me with all the baggage that I had going in will still be there. Maybe it was because I transitioned so slowly and let myself adjust to the changes first. She goes on to list,
The media makes out procedures like the one I had to be cure-alls. They're not.
Vox
By Lily Carollon
March 7, 2016
Much of what you can find about gender-affirming surgeries like vaginoplasty makes you think that after you've had one, all your problems fade away and your life becomes instantaneously better. Take a look at these recent videos by the New York Times and NPR, and this article by NBC: All three leave you with the impression that the surgery is a type of transition denouement. In the video by the Times, for example, Katherine, supported by pleasant and hopeful music, says this about her surgery: "It's, like, the new me. I finally feel like myself, so it kind of, in a sense, is a rebirth day … a renaissance."
NPR similarly ends its video with Jetta'Mae Carlisle, who, having undergone the surgery, says, "I have that white picket fence dream, and that's where my future is." The NBC article quotes Denee Mallon saying, "I feel complete."
I wish I had better resources to help prepare me for my surgeryPeople who want to have a vaginoplasty must get referrals from two different therapists. Dr. Molly Parks, a gender therapist in Durham, North Carolina, told me the goal of preoperative therapy is to make sure patients have really thought through their decision, and to determine whether they have any mental health issues that could hamper their decision-making.I bet the resources were there but she didn’t use them. I don’t know for sure but I have seen so many trans people just plunge right in with both feet without testing the waters first. I know one person who never went out in public first but wanted to have surgery first.
What happens when expectations meet realityDitto, all your baggage is still with you. If you are shy and always sit in the corner at parties all of sudden you are not going to be the life of the party.
Being inadequately prepared for surgery has real consequences.
[…]
If you're in a shit situation before surgery, you'll be in a shit situation after. If your co-workers aren't supportive of your transition, they're not going to change their minds once you have a vagina. The friends you've lost aren't going to come back now that you have female genitalia. If you've made it far enough to get surgery without support from your family, they won't come around in the aftermath of the operation; what they say to you might change, but their true feelings certainly won't.
Transitioning is a long, challenging roadTransitioning is a never ending process. I “transitioned” on June 30th 2007 the day I got laid off, but tomorrow I might be meeting a grade school friend at a senior center function and I debating if I want to come out to him and how. Do I just walk up to him and asked him if he is going to our fiftieth class reunion? Or something like “Hi ____ ! Do you remember me? I changed a little since we last meet.”
Transitioning is one of the hardest, most overwhelming experiences someone can go through. It's the kind of gamble you make when your back is against the wall and everything seems at stake. Some people take years to finish if they're lucky enough to finish or start at all; others think they never finish simply because learning what a woman or man is takes a lifetime.
Transitioning is also not a cure. I needed gender-affirming surgery to alleviate gender dysphoria and feel as comfortable in my body as possible, but there is no cure for gender dysphoria — you can only treat the symptoms, and our ability to treat the symptoms is limited. I still experience dysphoria even though my physical results have turned out well. When I'm stressed out, my dysphoria worsens, making it harder to deal with whatever was stressing me out in the first place.
When I transitioned I did it over the timeframe of over seven years, gradually go out in public more and more until all but 40 hours at work I was Diana. I went to support groups and just listened, it wasn’t until a year or two later that I felt that I knew enough to ask intelligent questions. I saw all types of people who went through the support group and I watched who had problems and who didn’t, and by far those who had the least problems transitioned slowly. One trans woman wanted surgery NOW! When the doctors here in the states refused to give her the letters she found a doctor overseas who would operate on her without any letters. I never saw her again and I always wonder how she is doing, I wish her luck.
There is no one way to transition and there is no right way to transition only a lot of wrong ways. We each my find our own way and make our own decisions and hope that they work for us.
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