An End And A Beginning

Graduation in 2011 at UConn
with my MSW

To make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.
T. S. Eliot

Seven years ago I had an ending and I had a beginning, most people only have one life to live, I have two.

I lived 58 years in one life and I have so far lived 7 years in my new life and in those seven years I have lived more than I had in the 58 years.

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The mayor of Hartford and I at
the CLARO banquet

Okay so what have I noticed over the years?

Well this spring I realized that I can no longer remember what it felt like being a “man” I have a hard time looking back, it seems so strange. I cannot remember what it was like not to have breasts. I cannot remember what it was like to have body hair or shave every day.

Kristin Beck and I at
a brunch last month.
She was a member of
SEAL Team 6

My old name sounds strange, a few years ago I had no problem with answering the question about my old name during an outreach, now I avoid it saying that it is behind me and I want to look forward. I did a radio interview last week and before we went on the air we talked about what we would talk about on-air and one of the questions he asked was what was my former name. I told him that I didn't want to go there, that was my past and I rather look forward.

My dreams have changed... I am female in all of my dreams

And at the same time I realized that this is the future, I cannot see ever wanting to go back… it is just too strange to think about going back.

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1974 backpacking in the Rocky
Mountain National Park with a friend

Also just about everyone who knows me doesn't know me from before I transition, they only know Diana. Some of my grandnieces were not born before I transitioned.

All my classmates, everyone from UConn, everyone from my activism only know me as Diana. All but four Facebook friends only know Diana.

A friend's modified production Camaro
at the CT Dragway

I went out with a woman a couple of summers ago and she has only known me as Diana.

My past is back on a shelf somewhere in a dusty corner that I bring out once in awhile and dust off.

I have been converting files from my first digital camera that uses some legacy extension and boy did that bring back strange memories. I used to hang out with a lot of gearheads and did a lot of backpacking, I liked the backpacking, but I wasn’t ever in to cars.

Hedwig and the Angry Inch
starring Neil Patrick Harris

There was a lot of stuff that I did back then that I didn’t really like, friends used to come over and we would watch the Red Sox or Patriot games. And there are stuff that I still don’t like, such as going into a bar where I don’t know anyone.

There is stuff that I do now that I liked but no one wanted to do back then, like go to a play or out to dinner with friends. I have never been to a play until I transitioned and now I go to two or three plays a year. A lot of times we go out to dinner before the play. I have even been to a Broadway play!

Once before I came out to my friends I was at a party at one of their homes and we were talking about our cars. I mentioned that I have been putting 24,000 miles a year on my car and everyone chuckled because they thought that I just stayed in town and didn’t travel. But they didn’t know that I was driving all around the state visiting friends, going to plays in Hartford and New Haven.

Yes I have been lucky to have two beginnings.