My Story Part 144 – Social Animals

Humans are a social animal, we like to travel in packs, we like being around our friends. Therefore we fear rejection, when friends pull away from us or a stranger back away it hurts us. When you are trans you face rejection every day.

I can only speak for myself, but when I am rejected I wonder was it because I’m trans? I have seen so many trans-people having a hard time handling rejection when our family disowns us, when our friends stop calling, when at work new assignments stop coming. I had a friend who thought that at work they didn’t give her assignment that should have been her because she is trans, it turned out that they had a special job that they wanted her to do and wanted her available for it.

I was going out with a girlfriend and all of a sudden she stopped calling me and answering my calls and I thought for sure it was because she couldn’t deal with being seen with a group of trans-people. However, it turned out to be for a completely different reason why she dumped me. But in my mind I thought… it’s because I’m trans.

I think that for many of us we all carry the stigma and guilt of being trans and that it is why we jump to conclusions when we were rejected, it is our albatross that we carry around our neck.

I think it is the result of society’s not so subtle pressure to conform. I remember seeing a video of school children playing and one of the boys was playing with the girls, the other boys went over to boy who was playing with the girls and brought him back over to the boys’ side of the room. That was social pressure to conform, a not so subtle slap on the wrist.  When I was going to grad school we had to read The Social Animal by Elliot Aronson and write on a chapter that we liked and I wrote about the chapter on Conformity,

Many of the members were in fear that they would be found out by their loved ones; they are not so much victim of prejudice but more victims of not conforming to society’s norms.

I also had to read Jae Schriver’s Human Behavior in the Social Environment where writes about the Kohlberg model about how we form of our “social perspective” I wrote about it saying,

A third area that pertains to conformity is also mentioned by Schriver (1998) when he list the stages of Kohlberg model; stages 3 and 4. Where stage 3 focuses on good relations and the approval of others and stage 4 is about our desire to conform to social norms.

We learn at a very early age the cost of not following the gender norms that society has set for us. When you cross the gender norms society tries to force you back in the box, society does not like the fringes and I think that is the reason why so many of us fear rejection. It is because we see it or hear about it every day, how someone was fired from work when they came out or a trans-woman was asked to leave a bar because she upset the other people in the bar or a stranger came up to them and told them that they are damned and going to hell.

Some people call me brave when I transitioned and in many ways they were right, it does take a certain amount of braveness to stand up to society.

My Story is a weekly series of blog posts about my transition and observation of life as a trans-person.

What Can Be Done?

Yesterday I wrote about the judge who did like the anti-discrimination law and went his own. Today I write about ways to stop bullying and harassment in schools.

There was an editorial in the Bangor Daily News about way to stop bullying and harassment of transgender students.

How Maine schools can protect transgender students, model respect, fairness
Dec. 4, 2012

Maine schools must provide a safe environment for all students, including transgender students. Those who have a gender identity different from the sex they were assigned at birth are not being given enough protection, let alone the type of welcoming atmosphere that encourages learning.

They list…

• Language. Students and teachers’ language sets a school’s tone.
• Positive representation. Schools should not make the gay or transgender experience invisible.
• Bathrooms. Transgender students should have access to bathrooms that respect their gender identity…
• Names. Forms should have a space for a “given name” and a “chosen name,” and school IDs should reflect the chosen name.
• Housing. At residential high schools and on college campuses, having a floor or wing of a dorm that is designated as friendly to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people — and their allies — helps keep students safe.

I have covered these ways for a safe school before, but the list shouldn’t end there. To paraphrase Hillary Clinton, it takes a whole village to make a safe school. In a paper that I wrote during my internship at True Colors for the Safe School Coalition about what has worked in other parts on the nation to stop bullying showed that you have to have an integrated approach that involves not only students, teachers and school administrators, but also the community. You must also include the parents, the courts, the police, the clergy, the village… everyone. You have to work to change the community culture. In my report (You can read the whole report here.) I said,

Furthermore, in a paper by California Department of Education (2002) titled, “What We’ve Learned About Safe and Effective Schools “ they found that anti-bullying intervention had to start early, not just in the middle or high schools, but in the elementary schools. The report stated that “Teachers in Beaverton Oregon elementary schools who were trained to spot children with anti-social behaviors who were then taught how to play together. The program reduced suspensions from 175 a year to less than a dozen.” (p. 12) Some of the other findings to reduce bullying according to the report were, teaching respect for others, generate self-respect, and reward achievement. (p. 13 & 14) They also report that,

Create community connections—A dynamic partnership with the community includes volunteers and mentors in the classroom, health and family services on campus, community members on every committee, and recognition and incentive programs for the students. (California Department of Education, 2002, p. 16)

In addition, the report points out that the community involvement should include law enforcement agencies and parents. It also reported that the parental involvement should begin before their children start kindergarten. (p. 16) Another article found that there was a direct correlation between bullying, school climate, parental involvement and academic achievement. The article stated,

In one of the only comprehensive studies of bullying among middle school students where schools were a unit of analysis, results suggest that schools with less bullying are characterized by positive disciplinary actions, strong parental involvement, and high academic standards (Ma. (2002) as cited in Espelage & Swearer, 2003, p. 377)

The article goes on to state the importance of teachers attitudes and community engagement to end bullying. The article notes after-school programs, recreational centers, churches, libraries, etc. all contribute to reducing bullying in schools. It does “Take a Village” to change the culture. (p. 378) In a 2004 article in the Journal of Counseling and Development, they found a reduction in bullying by using an intervention program that involved, students, teachers and parents.

Schools should explore the implementation not only of programs that assist bullies and aid their victims but also of those that strengthen the positive relationships between teachers, bullies, victims and all the other students who also lose a sense of security and academic accomplishment as a result of being bystanders to bullying. (Newman-Carlson & Horne, Summer 2004, p. 259)

The article stated that after 2 years the frequency of bullying decreased by 50%. (Olweus (1993) as cited in Newman-Carlson & Horne, Summer 2004, p. 259)

Bullying can be stopped but it can’t be stopped with one school assembly a year, it takes a continuous effort. One of the things that I say when I teach diversity is “we are not here to get your acceptance or to change your beliefs, but we are here to have you respect other people’s views and beliefs.”

New Photo Of Me

When I was at the Transgender Day of Remembrance last week, I was taking pictures for the Rainbow Times because the regular photographer was sick so he asked me to take pictures of the event. So while I was there I was talking to a friend who also likes photography about my new camera and she snapped this picture of me with it.

 

My new camera is a Nikon 3200 DSLR with a 18 - 55mm f/3.5-5.6 lens

 

Activist Judges

It is funny how conservatives only cry out about activist judges when they rule against them. In Maine a judge ruled that a school system did not discriminate when they denied a trans-student the judge wrote,

“The court is not unsympathetic to [the girl’s] plight, or that of her parents,” Anderson wrote in his 26-page opinion. “It is no doubt a difficult thing to grow up transgender in today’s society. This is a sad truth, which cannot be completely prevented by the law alone. The law casts a broad stroke where one more delicate and refined is needed. Although others mistreated [the girl] because she is transgender, our Maine Human Rights Act only holds a school accountable for deliberate indifference to known, severe and pervasive student-on-student harassment. It does no more.
“In this case, the school acted within the bounds of its authority in prohibiting [the girl] from using the girls’ restroom; it did not itself harass [the girl] by its actions, and it was not deliberately indifferent to the harassment that [she] experienced from others,” the judge concluded.
“The court finds that there is no evidence of deliberate indifference with respect to plaintiff’s claims of education discrimination, and it finds that defendants acted within the law under the public accommodation discrimination claim. Therefore, the court grants summary judgment to [the school district].”

So even through the legislature passed a broad law to cover gender discrimination, this judge didn’t like it and wanted a narrower definition. There are numerous federal and other states court rulings that support the broad view of the law as did the Maine Human Rights Commission that had ruled in favor of the plaintiff. The commission found that the school district did violate the states anti-discrimination law in not allowing the student to use the girl’s bathroom and this case was to attach monetary value for being discriminated against.

In addition, there are many laws and court rulings that require a school to provide a safe learning space which this judge totally ignored. Bullying is against the law in Maine just like it is here in Connecticut; if a school is informed about a student being bullied no matter for whatever reason they are legally required to stop the bullying.

So how did this come about? The school originally allowed her to use the girl’s bathroom and there were absolutely no problems, but then one day (From the court record)…

However, on September 28, 2007, a male student, JM, entered the girl’s bathroom while Susan and her friends were washing their hands. JM used the restroom and then began washing his hands, prompting some girls to run from the restroom screaming. A teacher came into the restroom to remove him. JM objected, stating that he “was a girl using the girl’s and told the teacher that his grandfather had told him that if Susan could go into the girl’s restroom, so could he. He was subsequently sent to the principal’s office, where he was spoken to and expressed remorse for his actions. It quickly became apparent that JM’s grandfather-guardian, Paul Melanson, had indeed instructed him to enter the girl’s restroom after becoming aware of Susan’s use of the girl’s restroom, an obvious attempt to resister a protest and express his view of Susan’s use of the girl’s restroom.

The students didn’t have any problems with her using the girl’s restroom; it was the adults who had the problem. It was an adult agitator that stirred up all the trouble; however, the story didn’t end there...

Paul Melanson, grandfather of the boy accused of harassing the transgender student, also filed a complaint with the Maine Human Rights Commission, saying that not allowing his grandson to use the girls bathroom or the faculty bathroom as the other child did was a violation of his grandson’s right to public accommodation under the Maine Human Rights Act. Melanson had given his grandson permission to use the girls bathroom as long as the transgender student was doing so, according to the report.

Enough is enough, an irate Melanson said Monday of the commission’s ruling.

“It ticks me right off that you’re letting a kid run the whole system,” he said.

Melanson is now trying to inspire Maine moms to protest the decision, which he thinks is wrong — and unfair to both boys and girls.

“Little boys do not belong in the little girls room, and vice versa,” he said. “This isn’t just about my kid. A lot of children have come up to me and said that this isn’t right.”

On Monday, the commission found that Asa Adams School did not unlawfully discriminate against Melanson’s grandson “because of his sexual orientation,” which is a heterosexual male.

“Minor Student 2 was disciplined because his biological sex is male and his gender identity is male and he used the girls’ bathroom,” the investigator’s report said.

After the incident the school required her to use the teacher’s restroom and Susan began to be harassed by the other students. So what did the school do to end the harassment? Why they assigned an adult to follow her around, can you imagine what that was like for a fifth grader? Wherever she went there was the adult right on her heels, in the cafeteria, in the classroom, she couldn’t be alone with any of her friends and as a result she became isolated from her classmates.

GLAD has said the parents are appealing the judge’s decision.

Asylum.

We usually have no idea what it is like to be transgender in other countries and in the worst places in the US for a trans-person doesn’t even come close to what it is like being trans in other countries. I Kuwait trans-people are routinely arrested if they go out in public and in other countries it could mean their life is they are discovered.

I know of two cases where trans-people who have fled their country came here and were granted political asylum. Here is the story of a third trans-person who fled her country for refugee here,

Transgender Latinas Find a Refuge in Queens
New York Times
By JULIE TURKEWITZ and JULIET LINDERMAN
December 2, 2012

Two years ago, smugglers buried a woman named Joselyn in Matamoros, a Mexican border city that attracts immigrants waiting to cross into the United States. Several men encased her body in dirt, covered her face with leaves and told her to wait until Border Patrol agents had disappeared to dig herself out.

For Joselyn, who is transgender, the process of being buried alive was nothing new. Growing up in Guatemala, she had suffocated beneath a barrage of insults and physical attacks from her family, her neighbors and her peers, she said. And with Mexican gangs moving south, violence against gays and transgender people was becoming more frequent. So at 19, Joselyn set off on an 18-day journey to the United States and eventually made it to New York City.

She spent 10 months alone. “I isolated myself from everyone,” Joselyn, who asked that her last name not be used because she is here illegally, said in Spanish. “I said, ‘What’s the point? If my mama didn’t even love me, why should I seek help?’”
[…]
In many ways, her life is just as dangerous as it was in Guatemala. But if asylum is granted, all that could change. Armed with papers, she can find a job, learn English, maybe open the bar she often dreams about. In Guatemala, “the people in your family begin to cut you out, like you have a contagious disease,” she said. “They don’t love you or even see you.”

I hope she is granted asylum. I once got a phone call from a lawyer of a trans-woman, it seems that his client was married to a man and the Immigration and Customs Enforcement people were saying it was a same-sex marriage. The lawyer was looking for a way to have his client declared a woman, I suggested going to Probate Court because another trans-woman that I know need to get her birth certificate changed. California where she was born needed a court order in order to change her birth certificate so she went to Probate Court and got the declaration. However, when I told the lawyer about my friend the lawyer dismissed the idea and hung-up.

The DSM V

Well it finally looks like the new DSM version 5 is going to be coming out early next year. The Huffington Post reports,

DSM-5: Psychiatrists OK Vast Changes To Diagnosis Manual
By LINDSEY TANNER
12/01/12

_Eliminating the term "gender identity disorder." It has been used for children or adults who strongly believe that they were born the wrong gender. But many activists believe the condition isn't a disorder and say calling it one is stigmatizing. The term would be replaced with "gender dysphoria," which means emotional distress over one's gender. Supporters equated the change with removing homosexuality as a mental illness in the diagnostic manual, which happened decades ago.

So we are going from a “disorder” to a “dysphoria” which is a step in the right direction but I would have liked to see it taken out altogether and listed as a medical condition. I would like to see that the only reason that you have to see a therapist is if you have a problem with being transsexual, not in order to get treatment to transition. Kelly Winters on her website on GID reform says…

It is time for the medical professions to affirm that difference is not disease, nonconformity is not pathology, and uniqueness is not illness

It is time for culturally competent psychiatric policies that recognize the legitimacy of cross-gender identity and yet distinguish gender dysphoria as a serious condition, treatable with medical procedures.

It is time for diagnostic criteria that serve a clear therapeutic purpose, are appropriately inclusive, and define disorder on the basis of distress or impairment and not upon social nonconformity.

It is time for medical policies which, above all, do no harm to those they are intended to help.

However, crossdressing is now listed as Transvestic Disorder changed from Fetishism and it says that “occurs in heterosexual (or bisexual) men for whom the cross-dressing behavior is for the purpose of sexual excitement.” I believe that it should also be removed from the DSM and replace by a “Crossdressing dysphoria” if you are uncomfortable about crossdressing.

Update 12/7/12 4:55PM
Kelly Winters just published this on her website GIDreform...
Dr. Jack Drescher, a member of the DSM-5 task force, confirmed yesterday that the Gender Dysphoria Diagnosis will be removed from the sexual disorders chapter and placed in a separate category in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders:

     GD is supposed to be placed in a chapter of its own, no longer linked with sexual dysfunctions and paraphilias (which will also have chapters of their own)

This reclassification, along with the change in title from Gender Identity Disorder to Gender Dysphoria, is a significant improvement in the diagnostic coding used for access to medical transition care, for trans and transsexual people who need it.
[...]
Unfortunately, the DSM-5 Task Force and APA Board of Trustees retained the Transvestic Disorder category in the sexual disorders chapter. Previous known as Transvestic Fetishism, it is grouped with paraphilic diagnoses such as pedophilia and exhibitionism and authored by Dr. Raymond Blanchard of the Toronto Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (formerly called the Clarke Institute of Psychiatry). This punitive and scientifically capricious category maligns many gender variant people, including transsexual women and men, as mentally ill and sexually deviant, purely on the basis of nonconforming gender expression. It is written to promote Blanchard’s unfounded theories of “autogynephilia” and “autoandrophilia” that conflate social and medical gender transition with fetishism.

Saturday Six #451

Patrick’s Place Saturday Six #451
1. M is for MAC: Which brand of computer do you use most often?
A PC, only because work always used PC. My first computer was an Apple II+

2. M is for MACARONI: Which pasta dish do you enjoy most?
Spaghetti with meatballs and sausage.

3. M is for MAIL: How often do you actually mail a letter versus sending an email or chatting online?
The last time I mailed a letter was about 3 years ago (Not counting Christmas letters).

4. M is for MICROPOLIS: If you had the choice to earn a decent salary at an enjoyable job and could be certain that you could afford a comfortable lifestyle, would you prefer to live in a big city, a small town, or something in between?
I would live right where I am, in the suburbs. I have just slightly under an acre and most of wooded so I have about a 200 foot buffer to the road behind me. I lived in the city (Rochester, NY) when I went to college and it is always noisy. Sirens, horn blowing, loud music and you could never find any quite.

5. M is for MOVIE: What is the next movie you are looking forward to seeing in a theater?
Lincoln, and then maybe the new Hobbit movie.

6. M is for MUSEUM: Which type of museum would you most likely pay to enter: an art museum, a history museum or a science museum?
Yes to them all. I like living history museums like Old Sturbridge Village and Mystic Seaport, I want to go to the CT Science Center and I also like going to art museums like the Wadsworth Atheneum Museum of Art and the New Britain Museum of American Art. Many of them are either free or at reduced rates with a library pass.

Saturday 9: Beer Barrel Polka

Crazy Sam’s Saturday 9: Beer Barrel Polka

1) Have you ever danced the polka?
Nope.

2) Frankie Yankovic was a stellar accordion player. What instrument have you mastered, or would like to learn?
I would have liked to learned to pay a guitar, but I have no sense of rhythm.

3) When Frankie died in 1998, his obituary proclaimed him as "America's Polka King." Lucille Ball was "The Queen of Comedy" and Michael Jackson was "The King of Pop." What royal title do you deserve?
The Queen of queens

4) Do you like light beer?
No, I’m not a fan of light beer and also I have to count my carbs and I rather use my carb allowance on something that I like.

5) In 1901, daredevil Annie Taylor successfully went over Niagara Falls in a barrel. She was badly bruised but otherwise fine. How much money would it take for you do to do something that dangerous?
No amount of money, my life is more important than money.

6) When was the last time you visited a pet store?
Never, I don’t own any pets.

7) What's your favorite salad dressing?
 Oil and vinegar with a dash of Mrs. Dash.

8)  Sam Winters is crazy about her smart phone. She uses it to take pictures, record videos, listen to tunes, answer emails and surf the net and, oh yeah, she even uses it to make calls. How indispensable is your mobile phone in your day-to-day life?
No much, I don’t have a smart phone and I use my cell phone maybe once or twice a week. My bill this month said I used my phone a total of 14 minutes.

9) "Kocham cię" is "I love you" in Polish. Can you say "I love you" in a language other than English (and Polish)?
I have a hard enough time saying it in English let along in another language.

World's AIDS Day

Before I came out of the closet I never knew anyone who had AIDS. According to a recent survey reported that trans-people have over four times the national average of HIV infection, with rates higher among transgender people of color

Friday Fill-ins

Janet’s Friday Fill-ins

 
1. Why is it _that I can never find my USB thumb drives, it is like they develop legs and run off_.
2. _How does Santa fit down the chimney_ that's what I want to know!
3. Hold on _what is that sound I hear? It sounds like a Ho ho ho_.
4. _Christmas is coming way too_ soon.
5. Do you _wait until the last minute to do your shopping_?
6. _You have to learn how to_ live, _you have to learn how to _ laugh, _ and you have to learn how to _ love.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to _watching a movie on Netflix_, tomorrow my plans include _reading_ and Sunday, I want to _to go to Mystic Seaport_!

Wish Me Luck - Follow-up to the Follow-up

Today I taught my second class, this is a different section from Tuesday's class, all different students and this one went a lot better. Some even asked questions and a couple actually read the assignment and we had a discussion about it.

In another development, a couple of weeks ago I was interviewed by a MSW for a class assignment that she had to do and I just got an email from her today. It seems I might have another "Guest Lecture" in the works, she said,

I have given your LGBT curriculum to my professor. He is very excited about it and is interested in having you speak at SC. I let him know that you would be interested in teaching your curriculum. It is all in a process stage now, but i wanted to let you know of the interest and excitement.

I gave her a link to one of my presentations and she showed it to her professor so maybe I might be giving another talk and there is a slim chance of being offered to teach a class at the college up in Springfield. I told her about my Independent Study class where I developed a 15 week class to teach Social Work students the ins and outs of working with gender variant clients. One of the core values of social work is to have a cultural understanding of your clients.

My Story Part 143 – The Education Of Diana

All through life I lived in the suburbs which were 99.999% middle class whites Christians. When I went to school in town all my classes had only kids just like me, when I went to college it was with all middle class white students. But at work it was a little different; there were one or two black employees there and a number of Latinos working in the shop. However, when I came out of the closets I started my real education. In the class that I just taught on Tuesday I told them that before I came out that I never knew anyone with AIDS, I never knew anyone who had attempted suicide and I never knew anyone who had committed suicide. I never knew anyone who was a cutter and now I lost track of the number of people that I know are cutters. I never knew anyone who made their living from the streets and I never knew anyone who was a hardcore addict.

One trans-woman that I met through my advocacy was thrown out of her parent’s house when she was a teenager because she came out as trans. Being homeless as a teenager, she made her living from the only way she knew, from the street. When she was arrested and the police found out she was trans, they beat the crap out of her. She made her way north and when I first meet her she was living in a shelter, she has the warmest personality that I ever met and the sweetest voice I ever heard. One Transgender Day of Remembrance she asked if she could sing during the memorial service and when she sat at the piano and sang you could just see the joy and hear the beauty that she felt inside despite everything that she went through in life.

My education continued when I started graduate school, unlike my undergraduate classes, graduate school was a multicultural experience. It was a rich blend of cultures that I was exposed to for the first time in my life and I made many new friends. I imagine one of those events that I enjoyed attending is going to be happening again there in a week or two. It is where all those who want to share their religious traditions and their foods for the holidays are invited to attend. It was there that I learned about Hanukah, Three Kings Day, Kwanza and about the Wiccan traditions for their winter holiday. I learned to play dreidel and the tradition behind it, I tasted and loved Flan and I tried many other ethnic foods (not all that I liked). I enjoyed seeing their pride as they explained what the holidays meant to them.

So when I heard people talk about people on welfare or non-documented aliens or minorities, I wonder how many other people from other cultures that have they met and got to know as a person. Or when I hear people complain about people who say “Happy Holidays,” instead of “Merry Christmas” I wonder how many other religious traditions have they learned about.

I wish you all “Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year!”

My Story is a weekly series of blog posts about my transition and observation of life as a trans-person.

Name Change

I have been asked a couple of times about changing your name by common law and it has also been brought up at a meeting for anti-bullying. The topic came up at the meeting when we were discussing a revision to the “Guidelines for Schools on Gender Identity and Expression” one of the committee members said that they had an inquiry about changing a student’s name by common law and no one knew the answer, even the lawyers there. Many of the schools guidelines for gender identity and expression say that you must submit a copy of the Probate Court order.

So I did a little research and I found that Connecticut is a common law state, which means…

Common Law Rule -- Name Change
About.com
By Sheri & Bob Stritof

Definition: Believing that a person has the right to a person has the right to adopt, assume, or use any name they want as long as it isn't defrauding or hurting anyone else, many states allow a person, including a child, to change his or her name by using the common law rule.

Under the common law rule, all you have to do is use your new name "consistently, openly and non- fraudulently, without interfering with other people’s rights."

And I also found this on the CT Judicial Branch Law Library…

Names and Name Changes in Connecticut
A Guide to Resources in the Law Library

The court therefore concludes that the common-law right of a person to use a name, a right enunciated by our Supreme Court in Don v. Don, 142 Conn. 309, applies to the surname of a married women.”

Sounds easy enough and best of all it is free. But… there is always a “but.” So what is the “But” and it is a big one. Banks, Social Security, credit cards and utilities all ask for the Probate Court order, it is kind of like a “Catch 22,” yes you can change your name by common law but no one will recognize it with a court order. I’m not a lawyer but I would recommend that you go through the Probate Court if you are transitioning. There is a $150 fee but you can ask for a waiver. If you are crossdressing I think you can use any name that you want as long as it isn't defrauding or hurting anyone else (Again the caveat, I’m not a lawyer and this is only my personal opinion.). Before I transitioned and I was going out in public if anyone asked for my ID I would give them my legal ID.

Wish Me Luck- Follow-up

The class went very well; the only thing was I ended about 20 minutes early. I have to learn to pace myself. The students didn’t ask many questions, some looked bored while others were interested in what I had to say. But overall I liked the experience and wouldn’t mind doing it more often; I have one more class teach and it’s on Thursday.

The professor is at a conference and asked me to fill in for him, I work with him on a committee for Safe Schools, so I was quite honored when he asked me to fill in for him.

Wish Me Luck.

I’m heading off to teach my first class as a guest lecturer at UConn main campus in Storrs and of course it is snowing just to make things interesting. The professor is at a conference and he asked me to fill in for him,  this is the first time I taught a class all by myself and I’m nervous as all hell.

The class is Multicultural Education and I’m lecturing on “Working with Gender Non-Conforming Students & Adults” so at least in know a little about the topic. The class is a mix of undergraduate and graduate students.

A Cruise To Nowhere!

All over the blogshere and the news is an article about a letter sent out to passengers on a “Ru Paul Drag Cruise” in seems we are not welcome on Carnival lines. I first came across the article on Facebook and I searched the web for confirmation. I found an article in the Miami Hearld… “Carnival letter to passengers on drag cruise: 'Refrain from engaging in inappropriate conduct'” in Steve Rothaus' Gay South Florida. The letter stated,

    November 26, 2012

    Greetings Fun Seekers!

    We know you are looking forward to your cruise next month. We're certainly looking forward to welcoming you and your group aboard the beautiful Carnival Glory.

    There are lots of special activities planned for your group so we are confident you are going to have a great cruise. However, in order to ensure a fun and memorable time for everyone, we want to take a few moments to make you aware of certain policies and conduct expectations so as to avoid any potential disappointment during your cruise.

    Carnival attracts a number of families with children and for this reason; we strive to present a family friendly atmosphere. It is important to us that all guests are comfortable with every aspect of the cruise. Although we realize this group consists solely of adults, we nonetheless expect all guests to recognize that minors are onboard and, refrain from engaging in inappropriate conduct in public areas.

    Arrangements have been made for drag performances in the main theater featuring stars from LOGO TV. These functions will be private and only the performers are permitted to dress in drag while in the theater. Guests are not allowed to dress in drag for the performances or in public areas at any time during the cruise.

    We're sorry to say that any guest who violates our policies and/or whose behavior affects the comfort and enjoyment of other guests, will be disembarked at their own expense and no refund will be given.

    Thank you for your cooperation.

    Now that we've taken care of business...let the FUN begin!

    See you soon!

    Sincerely,

    Vicky Rey, CTC
    Vice President - Guest Services

I love how the VP says “...let the FUN begin!” after he slaps us in the face.

I searched Carnival’s policy on LGBT passengers but I couldn’t find any, but I did find a number of web pages on their website welcoming “Gay” passengers. There were stuff like…

But Darlings, YOU'RE Gay! Is a Cruise Vacation in the cards for you or are they just for landlocked straight farmers from Omaha? Man Overboard can personally assure you that cruises are for gays and lesbians. Haven't you ever heard of Dames at SEA?

Again, The main choice is deciding between a full-ship charter or opting to join a smaller gay or lesbian group on an existing cruise. The primary advantage of a charter is the exclusively gay friendly environment, while a smaller gay group offers many more choices relative to itinerary and quality of the ship.

And they even have something called “Friends of Dorothy” where gays and lesbians can meet on board ship, but I guess as usual “there are Gays and there are gays.”

The group travel agency, Al & Chuck Travel, then tried to backpedaled and according to MetroWeekly the travel agency sent an email saying…

We are sympathetic to your sentiments that you have expressed via email and social media. As a gay man who has been partnered for 25 years, I have suffered many forms of discriminations because I am part of the GLBT community. But please take note, Carnival's regulation is NOT an example of discrimination.

Carnival is an ally of the GLBT community. Please understand that this cruise could not even be happening on the GLORY if Carnival was not an ally of our segment of society. When they say they are a "family friendly" cruise line they mean it in both the traditional and metaphorical sense of the phrase.

Carnival's "no costumes rule" is NOT meant to be an insult to the gay community. As a gay business, we would not have organized this cruise if they were prejudiced against gay people. This rule goes for both GAY and STRAIGHT passengers that travel on all Carnival cruises. It is in response to the post-911 world we live in. It is meant to protect passengers and guests - NOT to marginalize a few.

Additionally, we know that transgendered members of our community will be aboard with us during this event. Please do not worry, Carnivals rule is not meant towards you. Your right to live your identity is always supported.

And that even made it even worst when it was pointed out that Carnival has Halloween cruises. John Aravosis wrote in the AmericaBlog,

And there’s another problem.  How is Carnival supposedly okay with trans people going on the cruise, how will they “support” a transgender person’s “right to live your identity,” if men can’t dress as women and vice versa?  One man’s transgender is another man’s drag – what’s to stop Carnival’s straight cruise employes from kicking some trans person off the ship for “being in drag”?  So it’s okay to be trans, but don’t be too “fun” about it, you know wearing fun clothes or, god-forbid a wig (so trans people on chemo are out), lest some Carnival employee mistake you for a gay man in a dress and kick you off the ship?  Can’t get more welcoming than that.
He goes on to say…
But hey, what do you know – when some asked, just two months ago, if Carnival had any policy on wearing Halloween costumes on their ships, they got this not-very-September-11 response on Carnival’s own Web site:
     hstew:

    Do Carnival have any restrictions on Halloween costumes? Sailing October 29th on the Paradise out of Tampa

“Frightfully Fun”!

Halloween is always a fun and memorable time aboard a Carnival ship. Guests can enjoy a variety of fun-filled activities, everything from costume contests and Halloween-themed giveaways to scary movies, and, of course, trick or treating with candies. Children and adults are encouraged to bring costumes so they can compete for a variety of prizes during the always-interesting costume contest and parade. Carnival crew members will be dressed in costume, as well, and guests can have their photos taken with Carnival’s own “Fun Ship” Freddy. Guests ages one to 14 are also invited to go trick or treating along the ships’ promenades and through various public rooms and areas, stocking up on candies.

Note:  Please note that we do not allow any toy or imitation weapons of any kind onboard any of our ships.

So no pirate swords, ninja knives, cowboy/girl toy guns, whips, chains etc.

So much for being LGBT friendly, they just want gays, lesbians and trans-people who don’t look like they’re gay, lesbian or trans. If you blend in you are welcome, but if you are too gay we don’t want you.

Here is the email that they sent out...

Carnival Letter

Thanksgivings Weekend Part 2

Today we went down to Ogunquit and we walked along the Marginal Way, it was a cold and windy walk and the sky was overcast giving it a wintery feel.

This is the Marginal Way path that follows rocky shore for about a mile…

Looking back to Ogunquit beach at low tide…

In the summer the beach would be wall to wall with people, now only a hardy soul was out walking on the beach.

When you hear about the rugged Maine coast this is what they are talking about, the beaches are few and far apart.

After we finished our walk we went over to Cape Neddick in York to see the Christmas lights on Nubble Lighthouse. We arrived just at sunset.

 

 

There had to be over a dozen photographers there taking pictures of the lighthouse and there were also many others snapping a picture with their phones.

Here is a video that I took of the lighthouse…

Thanksgiving Weekend Part 1

I hope you all had a happy Thanksgiving and are enjoying the long weekend. I’m up at my brother’s and sister-in-law’s place in Kennebunk Maine. Friday we hike along the Eastern Trail in Arundel and yesterday we walked the Eastern Trial in Scarborough. The Eastern Trial is a rail to trail system and is part of the East Coast Greenway.

Here are some photos that I took along the Scarborough section to the trail.

Later today we are going to go walking along the Marginal Way in Ogunquit and then on to York at Cape Neddick to look at the Nubble lighthouse all lit up with Christmas lights

Saturday 9: Cold Turkey

Crazy Sam’s   Saturday 9: Cold Turkey


1) Are you still feasting on cold turkey, or any other leftovers, from your Thanksgiving meal?
Yes and we will probably have leftovers into next week.

2) AAA says Thanksgiving is a big travel weekend. Did you venture far from home for your holiday dinner?
I went up to my brother’s and sister-in-law’s in Maine for Thanksgiving weekend

3) Is this weekend the official start of the Christmas season for you?
Are you kidding? There are still 29 shopping day until Christmas. I usually shop the day before, shopping is a whole lot easier you just buy what is left on the shelves.

4) Which couple would you rather hang out with -- Fred and Wilma Flintstone or George and Jane Jetson?
I rather be in the future than the past.

5) Have you/would you ever get your teeth whitened?
Nope and nope.

6) Do you still have your high school class ring?
Yes, but it is way too small.

7) Here's $50. You must spend it all in one place. What are you going to do with it?
eBooks

8) Could your vehicle use a trip to the car wash right about now?
Nope, it rained recently.

9) Did you hit the snooze button this morning?
I haven’t set the alarm clock since July 2007.

Friday Fill-ins

Janet’s Friday Fill-ins

1. Oh, I am so _full_.
2. _Being with family_ was my favorite part of the big meal yesterday.
3. Where does _the time fly, I can believe that it is Thanksgiving already_.
4. _The bird_ was filled with _stuffing_.
5. This weather _made it nice to go walking before dinner_.
6. _A safe and uneventful trip home _; these are some of the things I wish for my loved ones.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to _hanging around my brother’s and sister-in-law’s condo_, tomorrow my plans include _cooking dinner for them_ and Sunday, I want to _photograph Nubble Lighthouse Christmas lights_!