It Is Hard

When I do diversity training one of the things that I talk about is how when we transition everyone around us transitions also and for our parents they go through a grieving process. Today’s post is about that process, however, I think that the article portrays it in somewhat of a negative light.

Transgender man reveals mum's struggle with 'loss of daughter' and how she fainted after seeing his 'swelling'
Karen and her son Lucas, who are starring in ITV documentary Transformation Street, opened up about his decision to undergo transgender surgery
Mirror
By Kyle O'Sullivan & Hayley Minn
11 JAN 2018

A transgender man has revealed his mum's struggle with the 'loss of her daughter' and feelings of 'grief'.

20-year-old Lucas, who was born a girl but has been living as a man for two years, opened up about his decision to undergo transgender surgery.

Speaking on This Morning, Lucas said: "When I first came I was very scared, more so about losing my mum. I wanted to show people there is help out there, the process isn't as hard as you think."

Karen admitted her foundations were rocked when Lucas explained he was transgender and struggled to deal with the 'loss' of daughter Lauren.

She said: "It took me a year plus to even use the name Lucas. Even writing cards I'd just sign it from mum. Then I put the initial L. But I couldn't actually write Lucas - it took a long time."

Karen described it as a 'grieving process' which is still ongoing but she stood by her son's side throughout.

I try to point out through my training that it is very hard on our parents and siblings, for our parents they have a choice to make to either support their child unconditionally or to disown them. Either path is hard.

It take time for us to transition and it also takes time for others to adjust to our transition, it is something that we have to remember, all of our lives we have fought with our gender dysphoria but for our family this is entirely new to them and it takes time to coop with our transition.

It is up to us to decide on when it is long enough; my advice is to cut them some slack especially if they are trying but I also understand how hard that is for us.

Speaking to camera, she says: “Boy or girl, I still love him, that doesn’t change. It’s kind of like a grieving process for Lauren. And then I have to think, I’ve got a new son.”

My last bit of advice; don’t burn your bridges.

I know of trans people who thought that they lost their family but their families eventually came around. I even know of one couple who split up after her transition only to come back together again.

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Updates on the other day’s post about trans people changing their birth certificates…

‘Legitimate’ to make transgender people get full sex reassignment to amend Hong Kong ID, court hears
Government lawyer refutes claim the requirement is inhuman or degrading
South China Morning Post
By Raquel Carvalho
PUBLISHED : Wednesday, 10 January

Complete sex reassignment surgery is a “legitimate and sometimes necessary medical treatment”, the Hong Kong government argued in court on Wednesday, rejecting claims that requiring transgender people to undergo it before amending their local identity cards was cruel, inhuman or degrading.

“It’s a legitimate medical treatment practised by doctors around the world, including in the public health system in Hong Kong,” said Stewart K M Wong SC, for the government.
“It cannot be described as inhuman or degrading. That would require a level of severity.”
[…]
Wong, for the government, argued that a “fair number of European countries” still imposed a similar requirement.

The senior counsel tried to refute the argument that transgender people were being coerced into surgery they did not want.

The plaintiff argued,

 The hearing began with Hectar Pun SC, for the applicants, proposing a “workable model” based on a self-declaration in which a person would say they wanted to live permanently in their affirmed gender. Pun suggested that only minimal medical evidence would be required.

It is now in the hands of the judge.

The other case is here in the U.S. in Utah,

Utah Supreme Court considers plight of two transgender people who want their IDs to reflect their ‘actual reality’
A 2nd District judge’s rulings left Angie Rice and Sean Childers-Gray in a mismatched legal limbo, in which their driver licenses and other documents still list the sex designations assigned to them at birth.
The Salt Lake Tribune
By Jennifer Dobner
January 9, 2018

Does a judge have the authority to change a person’s gender identity under existing state law?

In 2016, an Ogden judge said no to that question — and that’s why on Monday it landed before the Utah Supreme Court, which has been asked to overturn rulings by 2nd District Judge Noel Hyde that left Angie Rice and Sean Childers-Gray in a mismatched legal limbo.

Hyde allowed for name changes, but he said a lack of clarity in state law precludes him from granting gender identity changes.

He’s wrong, contends Christopher Wharton, the attorney who represents Rice and Childers-Gray.

The judges focused in on…

The questions from justices had three main focuses Monday: how gender marker petitions are handled in other states, how they have been handled in Utah and whether the absence of an opposing party in the appeal presents a problem for deciding the case.
[…]
Justice Thomas Lee questioned whether the petitions should be first handled by a state agency, such as the health or vital statistics departments, instead of the courts.

The plaintiff said afterward,

“I think it will be a close vote,” said Rice, now a special education teacher in Morgan who has been married to her spouse for nearly 30 years. “I think [the case] brings to light that the standard ought not to be political or theological; it’s a life issue and a civil issue to us, and that standard should not be different based on where you live or what judge you get to see.”

I wish them luck in both cases and will post any new updates about the cases.