Love

I was single when I transitioned, while other trans-people were in a relationship. Maybe they were married with kids, maybe they were just going together but either way it is a lot harder when they transition because not only do they transition but their love ones also transition. If they stay together then their partners must cross a bridge from a heterosexual relationship to being identified as a same-sex couple or in some cases possibly as a straight couple.

I know a couple whose spouse came to a support group meeting pleading “I want my husband back!” I wish that we could have said that everything would by OK, but we couldn’t. Most couples do break-up. Some stay together, some remain friends, some never what to see them again and some even prohibit the trans-person from seeing their children (although the courts are respecting parental rights equally).

However, I do know some couples that after the initial break-up they are back together again and living as a lesbian couple. If they do stay together or come back together the spouse that did not transition now has to identify as a lesbian. I know someone who tells the story about how she had to adjust to the new reality, she said that she use to sleep on her husband’s shoulder when they rode the train and no one paid them any attention, but now they get starred at. Another couple who were lesbian when one of them transitioned had to adjust to being identified as a straight, that they were no longer welcomed by some in the lesbian community.

In Vice.com there is an article about a lesbian couple where one of them transitioned,

Lesbians No Longer: A Transgender Trip into Heteronormality
By Lilly O'Donnell
October 21, 2012

[…]
Suddenly, at age 25, when Sadie thought she had a pretty good idea of who she was and had become comfortable identifying as a lesbian, she has found herself in a committed, heterosexual relationship with a man. And not just with any man, but one who wants to distance himself from any queer identity he once had, taking Sadie with him. She and Marco are in limbo between their two identities—not quite your average straight couple, but no longer a lesbian couple, either.
[…]
When Erica first brought up her confusion and the possibility of transitioning, she and Sadie had only been dating for a few months, but they had known each other for three years. Sadie said that, knowing Erica, she wasn’t that surprised by the news—she knew that Erica had felt conflicted for a long time, and had been diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder as a child. 
[…]
“It was nice to hear that people had made it to the other side of what seemed at the time to be this impossible and endless journey.”

Over time, as Marco settled into being a man, Sadie settled into the idea of their semi-straight relationship.

“I can spend time with newer friends and talk about my ‘boyfriend’ without feeling like I’m telling some giant lie,” she said. 

They both want kids, and imagine their perfect suburban future. They wonder out loud who they’ll tell and who they won’t, whether they’ll pretend to be a normal, nuclear family. Sadie feels that they’ll have to be open about it if they’re going to tell their kids, because she doesn’t want to tell her children to keep their father’s past a secret. It’s not something to be ashamed of.

“I never thought I’d have to explain to my kids that their dad was born a woman.” But they plan to be very open with their kids, and explain Marco’s past to them as clearly as they can.

“He wants to be in a heterosexual relationship, but I feel like presenting it that way is inauthentic. We’re not. We’re just not.”

When a person transitions everyone around them also transition, some can cross that bridge but others cannot.