When you look at the coming out process you see that you go thorough stages similar to what gays go through. Arlene Lev in her book Transgender Emergence list nine stages and other list up to 14 stages.
- A feeling of difference
- Learning that one is not alone
- Self-identifying – I am trans
- Self-acceptance – I am OK
- Reaching Out – contacting a therapist or support group or other trans-people (internet or in person)
- Coming Out of the Closet – telling others
- Learning about alternatives
- Integration
- Pride
For me that feeling of difference happened at a very early age, I was probably 6 or 7 and it was a feeling that I can’t put into words. I just felt that I should have been a girl. The first time that I learned that I wasn’t alone was when I was washing the family car and Lola was played on the radio, “Girls will be boys and boys will be girls. It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola”…OMG! Oh sure there was Rene Richards, and Christine Jorgensen but I didn’t identify with them, they were just people in the news, but for some reason, Lola struck a chord with me. Maybe it put it in plain language, boys will be girls.
The stages are not linear, you don’t move from one stage to the next, but hop around and some stage you don’t even go through. I know that I reached out and came out of the closet pretty quickly, it happened when I thought I was having a heart attack. I realized that life was too short and I attended a support group meeting shortly after that. At the support group meetings I developed self-identification, I recognized that I am a trans-woman. I told my brother maybe a year later when I realized that it went a lot deeper than the clothes.
Integration came from living as Diana fulltime except for 40 hours at work, I developed an identity and with that identity as a trans-woman came self-acceptance. Pride developed with my work for equality… I May Be Transgender. But I Am Somebody, paraphrasing Jesse Jackson.
The stages are not linear, you don’t move from one stage to the next, but hop around and some stage you don’t even go through. I know that I reached out and came out of the closet pretty quickly, it happened when I thought I was having a heart attack. I realized that life was too short and I attended a support group meeting shortly after that. At the support group meetings I developed self-identification, I recognized that I am a trans-woman. I told my brother maybe a year later when I realized that it went a lot deeper than the clothes.
Integration came from living as Diana fulltime except for 40 hours at work, I developed an identity and with that identity as a trans-woman came self-acceptance. Pride developed with my work for equality… I May Be Transgender. But I Am Somebody, paraphrasing Jesse Jackson.
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