Wednesday, August 12, 2009

What Does Gender Variant Mean?

That question was asked on a forum that I read and of course, I took it literally. I answered in part…

“To me being “Gender Variant” mean not acting or behaving the way you are expected for your birth gender. Crossing the gender “norms.”

For me, “Gender Variant” is a very broad term. It means being androgynous or a male with long hair or a female with short masculine style of hair, it also mean a woman who likes to dress in male style clothing. It also includes gays or lesbians, as well as a trans-person.”

However, other members answered more personal answers, one wrote in part…

Being an outcast, feeling that I didn't belong ever. Started in third grade.
Being alone even around loved ones
Being a loner.
Being bullied, ridiculed and laughed at.
Being scared even for my own survival.
Feeling like I was the only one like this and I must be a freak.
Having to hide my true feelings, behavior and mannerisms to pass as a boy/man.
Being a fraud as a man and a husband.
Like I conned my partner and our children.
Angry sometimes I didn't ask for this, what did I ever do? Why me?
It means that finally after years and years of repression, I am going to explode. My head hurts and I look back and think to myself what if?

And that hit home to me, just about everything (except for being married and children) that she said, I could have written. I have always felt like an outcast, a loner, and been bullied. I thought that I was the only one who must be transgendered, it was my deep dark secret and burden to bear. I do not know how many times I cried myself to sleep asking myself “Why Me?”

Now I have transitioned none of this has changed; I’m still to some extent a loner, I still get ridiculed and laughed at, I still feel angry sometimes, and think that I didn't ask for this, what did I ever do to deserve this?

What did change? I now have pride in who I am, I now have self-esteem, I have accepted myself. I am a member of a very unique tribe, whose membership is very limited. I have developed many new friendships and I have met so many people who accept me for myself. Being gender variant has made me stronger and has challenged me in ways I have never imagined.

I have found that my family loves me.


  1. Hi Di,
    This post shows that you have grown positively and can answer a question objectively without being too personal. I found your answers to be right to the point whereas the other answers were very personal and many were very angry and negative.
    Congrats on a very good post and huge congrats on dealing with your gender issues and growing into the fine person who you are!