When I first started surfing the web and attending a support group my biggest concern and the biggest conversation at the support groups was about passing, blending in to society and going stealth or being “out”. But now some fourteen years later I have some very different thoughts on the holy trio.
I have since learned that they are irrelevant. What we are really saying is that we want to be integrated into society, that our real goal is to be able to function in society without being harassed and discriminated against. We just want to get on with our lives as the person that we are.
For some trans* people there is never a question of “passing,” I have a friend who is about 6’5” large hands and she wear, I would guess, a size 14 shoe and has very masculine features; she will never “pass.” I imagine that all she wants to do it is to just be herself and function in society without being harassed or discriminated against.
The very words we use denote sneakiness, putting sometime over on someone when what we really should be saying is that I integrate in to society well. When I do my workshop on trans* culture I have a slide that says “Visual non-conformity is a risk factor in causing anti-transgender bias and its attendant social and economic burdens.”
When we say that a person is “stealth” what we actually mean is a person visually conforms to the gender stereotype and that they are integrated in to their true gender. For some trans-people they can never conform visually but they can integrate in to society and they can function in society.
I say that I am an “Out” trans-person, but I don’t walk around with a lavender “T” stamped on my forehead or wear a sign that says “I’m Trans,” I “pass” well or rather I integrated into society well, but on the other hand, I admit I am transgender. I mostly visually conform to what society expects of a woman. I joke when I give my workshop that if you can’t tell that I’m trans within ten feet you need a new hearing aid and glasses. But in reality I “pass” well, most times when I have had conversation with people and they had no clue that I’m transgender.
One time I was at a family “New England Shore Dinner” (steamed clams, New England clam chowder, and lobster) and a friend of my cousin was sitting next to me all night, I have known her since my cousin was married in the later seventies. A couple of hours into the dinner she asked how I knew my cousin, it was then I realized that she had no clue to who I am. I told her that I’m “A” cousin and she replied that she thought that “A” had only two cousins my brother and me, both boys. I said, I’m “D.” you could hear the gears in her head slip and grind as that sank in; but to her credit all she said was an “oh” and we kept on talking. Other times, I get identified as trans easily, when I was at a Kohl’s store the other day the cashier misgendered me.
So what I believe we are saying when we say the “holy trio”; passing, stealth and out, is that I integrate into society well and I don’t hide who I am.
I have since learned that they are irrelevant. What we are really saying is that we want to be integrated into society, that our real goal is to be able to function in society without being harassed and discriminated against. We just want to get on with our lives as the person that we are.
For some trans* people there is never a question of “passing,” I have a friend who is about 6’5” large hands and she wear, I would guess, a size 14 shoe and has very masculine features; she will never “pass.” I imagine that all she wants to do it is to just be herself and function in society without being harassed or discriminated against.
The very words we use denote sneakiness, putting sometime over on someone when what we really should be saying is that I integrate in to society well. When I do my workshop on trans* culture I have a slide that says “Visual non-conformity is a risk factor in causing anti-transgender bias and its attendant social and economic burdens.”
When we say that a person is “stealth” what we actually mean is a person visually conforms to the gender stereotype and that they are integrated in to their true gender. For some trans-people they can never conform visually but they can integrate in to society and they can function in society.
I say that I am an “Out” trans-person, but I don’t walk around with a lavender “T” stamped on my forehead or wear a sign that says “I’m Trans,” I “pass” well or rather I integrated into society well, but on the other hand, I admit I am transgender. I mostly visually conform to what society expects of a woman. I joke when I give my workshop that if you can’t tell that I’m trans within ten feet you need a new hearing aid and glasses. But in reality I “pass” well, most times when I have had conversation with people and they had no clue that I’m transgender.
One time I was at a family “New England Shore Dinner” (steamed clams, New England clam chowder, and lobster) and a friend of my cousin was sitting next to me all night, I have known her since my cousin was married in the later seventies. A couple of hours into the dinner she asked how I knew my cousin, it was then I realized that she had no clue to who I am. I told her that I’m “A” cousin and she replied that she thought that “A” had only two cousins my brother and me, both boys. I said, I’m “D.” you could hear the gears in her head slip and grind as that sank in; but to her credit all she said was an “oh” and we kept on talking. Other times, I get identified as trans easily, when I was at a Kohl’s store the other day the cashier misgendered me.
So what I believe we are saying when we say the “holy trio”; passing, stealth and out, is that I integrate into society well and I don’t hide who I am.
I discuss this issue now and then in my blog.... And it's amazing how our thought processes cover the same ground, and yet have different perspectives. As I've said elsewhere, our (TC community's) experiences are similar, and unique for each and every one of us.
ReplyDeletePassing,, stealth and out is a nice trio but I think that the betterment of the community may rest on integration and blending.
ReplyDeleteThe 'T' experience is often referred to as a spectrum. I take the position that it should not matter when on the 'T' spectrum that person may be nor whether that person is visually made as a 'T'. I take the position that if we blend and behave as others and if we can integrate into all sectors of society than that is good for all of us. While it would be nice if that could be done en masse all at once I think that the only what it will work is for us to do it one person at a time. You do that every time you leave your front door.
Pat