Before I transitioned I lived in two worlds and some of the time those worlds came close to crashing together and that made my life interesting.
One of the most memorable was when I almost introduced myself to the Vice President of Engineering where I worked as Diana. To set the stage…
It was back in 2006 when I was Diana all but for 40 hours a week. Except for work I was living my life as Diana. So if it was a social setting I was Diana, in other words if I was at a restaurant or a bar, I was Diana. So…
One day I was summoned along with the project engineer to go to our corporate headquarters in Pittsburg (I was the supervisor of testing of testing). We were to go to a vendor meeting the next day, but that night we were to meet the VP and his wife for dinner. On the way to the restaurant we got a call from him saying that he was a meeting and it was running over and for us to wait for him in the bar. So we waited for almost an hour and I had a couple of rum and cokes. When they showed up I was nice and mellow, when I went to shake his wife’s hand I started to say “Hi, I’m Diana.” When I realized what I was about to say and I coughed. What came out was “Hi I’m Di… cough”
The second most memorable collision was on the same business trip. When we had to go down to corporate we always tried to get a seat on the corporate jet first instead of a commercial flight. The seating on the jet was based on RHIP (Rank Has It Privilege), the big wigs got the first pick of seats and the peons got what was left. But that day there were two seats left so we got to fly (You haven’t lived until you fly on a corporate jet that is the way to travel! You can read about it here.). On the way back it was snowing at Bradley, when one of the VP made a comment about 5 inches of snow there I said something like “shit.” One of the VPs asked what was wrong and I could say that I was going out to the Polo Club to watch a drag show so I made up a little white lie.
Also at work one time I was making copies and I heard Diana can you make these copies for me (This was the first day back from a week at Fantasia Fair where I was Diana for the entire time). I was just starting to reply when I heard someone say yes. I looked behind me and Diane the executive assistant to the general manager was there waiting to use the copier.
Which brings me to the time at Fantasia Fair when I was having dinner with some friends at Nappi’s and as we were eating I heard from the table nearby, “It looks like the winds will be favorable for flying.” I looked around and there was a table of friends that I knew from town that I used to hang glide with. And in order to leave the restaurant we had to walk right past them. Yikes! It turned out that the same week of Fantasia Fair there is also a hang glider meet in North Truro. Later when I came out to them I mentioned also most bumping into them at Nappi’s and they hadn’t even noticed us. As usual my fears were for nothing.
And you wonder why I was getting panic attacks before I transitioned; living a double life is very stressful.
My Story is a weekly series of blog posts about my transition and observation of life as a trans-person.
One of the most memorable was when I almost introduced myself to the Vice President of Engineering where I worked as Diana. To set the stage…
It was back in 2006 when I was Diana all but for 40 hours a week. Except for work I was living my life as Diana. So if it was a social setting I was Diana, in other words if I was at a restaurant or a bar, I was Diana. So…
One day I was summoned along with the project engineer to go to our corporate headquarters in Pittsburg (I was the supervisor of testing of testing). We were to go to a vendor meeting the next day, but that night we were to meet the VP and his wife for dinner. On the way to the restaurant we got a call from him saying that he was a meeting and it was running over and for us to wait for him in the bar. So we waited for almost an hour and I had a couple of rum and cokes. When they showed up I was nice and mellow, when I went to shake his wife’s hand I started to say “Hi, I’m Diana.” When I realized what I was about to say and I coughed. What came out was “Hi I’m Di… cough”
The second most memorable collision was on the same business trip. When we had to go down to corporate we always tried to get a seat on the corporate jet first instead of a commercial flight. The seating on the jet was based on RHIP (Rank Has It Privilege), the big wigs got the first pick of seats and the peons got what was left. But that day there were two seats left so we got to fly (You haven’t lived until you fly on a corporate jet that is the way to travel! You can read about it here.). On the way back it was snowing at Bradley, when one of the VP made a comment about 5 inches of snow there I said something like “shit.” One of the VPs asked what was wrong and I could say that I was going out to the Polo Club to watch a drag show so I made up a little white lie.
Also at work one time I was making copies and I heard Diana can you make these copies for me (This was the first day back from a week at Fantasia Fair where I was Diana for the entire time). I was just starting to reply when I heard someone say yes. I looked behind me and Diane the executive assistant to the general manager was there waiting to use the copier.
And you wonder why I was getting panic attacks before I transitioned; living a double life is very stressful.
My Story is a weekly series of blog posts about my transition and observation of life as a trans-person.
Diana,
ReplyDeleteI am sure you can comment on this in a way that I cannot since I have not transitioned. I find that I expend a great deal of intellectual and some physical energy keeping my two lives seperate. My vigilance is, I suspect, higher than non-trans people because I am always on the lookout to make sure Leann doesn't inadvertantly spill into my male life. I suspect that part of the relief of transitioning is not only the gender contentment but also the calmness that comes with not needing to be so vigilant.
You have to remember tat I crossdressed all my life and it wasn't until 1999 that I took the first step out the door. That year I went to a support group (COS) and it wasn't until 2004 that I realized that it went much greater than the clothes.
ReplyDeleteLiving in two worlds added a lot of stress in my life and because of it I developed medical problems as a result of the stress.
Oh the Double Life! Before I transitioned at work I had your situation. With friends, family and strangers I was Dianne. At work my male host organism was still "me." At times I would be out with friends having a nice afternoon and I would have to run off for a work emergency. I would race into the house and tear off my cloths and wash my face and pull off my hair in a huge hurry. One day after the 10 minute reduction from classy middle aged woman to balding dumpy computer guy I looked in the mirror and started to cry. I could only stop because I knew that very soon I would be able to drop the dual life and just be right all the time! Several Cis friends have known how hard that must have been and asked how I managed it and how I separated the halves so invisibly. I've said that it took a lot of effort but that the payoff was that I am now Always Dianne!
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