I am on a forum where everyone knows me as Diana; the forum is for people with a certain medical condition. Last Saturday I posted a comment about when I had broken my toe and how hard it is to drive a standard with a broken left toe. Well a couple of guys on the forum commented about women who can drive a standard, how we are a rare breed (Right now I don’t want to talk about how sexist the comment was.). Also on the forum I mentioned one time that torque is pound-foots not foot-pounds and that got into another discussion about women engineers. Then last Sunday one of the guys posted some pictures of the snow in his backyard and I was going to comment on the center tapped long wire antenna in his backyard. However, I thought that would open up a new discussion on how a woman recognized an amateur radio antenna so I kept my mouth shut.
I don’t want to disclose my transness there because I don’t want to be known there as that trans-person on the forum. Also it is really none of their business to know my personal history. So I’m back in the closet, guarding what I say because it might give me away.
A lot of time when we transition what we are really doing is trading one closet for another. All our lives we hide our transness, first it was to keep people from finding out that we wanted to transition and then we hide the fact that we transitioned. One of the reasons why I transitioned was the stress of living a dual life. Now in a way I’m back to living a dual life, in my public life I am a very out trans-person but I don’t want to be known by that, I want to be know just as Diana.
My Story is a weekly series of blog posts about my transition and observation of life as a trans-person.
I don’t want to disclose my transness there because I don’t want to be known there as that trans-person on the forum. Also it is really none of their business to know my personal history. So I’m back in the closet, guarding what I say because it might give me away.
A lot of time when we transition what we are really doing is trading one closet for another. All our lives we hide our transness, first it was to keep people from finding out that we wanted to transition and then we hide the fact that we transitioned. One of the reasons why I transitioned was the stress of living a dual life. Now in a way I’m back to living a dual life, in my public life I am a very out trans-person but I don’t want to be known by that, I want to be know just as Diana.
My Story is a weekly series of blog posts about my transition and observation of life as a trans-person.
Regarding trading one closet for another. I don't anymore. I used to until recently but I'm too old and too cranky and I just don't care anymore. If I get a transphobic rant, I just leave. If it's online I tell a moderator. Then I leave. simple.
ReplyDeleteIt's a shame that you feel you can't be yourself online but I understand why you feel that way. It just goes to show how strong social stereotypes of gender roles are, doesn't it?
ReplyDelete