A Very Complex Topic

Being trans and dating can create a complex of problems and rewards. If a trans woman dates a man many non-trans people thinks that it’s a gay relationship while trans people see it as a straight couple and the same holds true for trans guys.

This article popped up on Facebook the other day and it deserves a second look.

The Straight Men Who Have Sex with Trans Women
Wanting to have sex with trans women is not synonymous with undoing the stigma against loving them.
Broadly
By Diana Tourjee
September 17 2015

[…]
Matt's first sexual experience with a trans woman was in 1987, with a girl he picked up on the West Side Highway. This stretch of New York road runs parallel to the Hudson River, from the southern harbors of Manhattan to the Upper West Side. It used to be an infamous pickup spot for trans sex workers. Though Matt loved the sex itself, it wasn't long after orgasm that he felt a throat-clenching sense of anxiety. "I was driving her back and I was so nervous, 'Is someone going to see me?' Absolute fear—HIV, Did I give myself HIV? I was so afraid [thinking of] how I'd tell anybody."

That is how many trans women end up dead, John’s remorse and worrying that others will think him gay.

I have to wonder how many men date trans women because they are secretly gay and think that they can “hide the gay” by dating a trans women. I also have to wonder how many of those same men would date a post-op trans women?

As Cristina Herrera [Is the head of the Gender Identity Project (GIP) at New York City's LGBT Community Center] sees it, guys like Matt have the cards stacked against them. The cultural stigma against loving trans women is deeply ingrained into our society to the point of ubiquity. "There is a lot of bullying going on," Herrera said. "Public figures that have been discovered having sexual relations with trans women have paid a heavy price." Herrera said these public shamings "hurt the whole process. It makes other men much more nervous. They know it could happen to them, that their friends or colleagues might treat them the same way if they knew."

I wonder what Matt would do if Alicia announced that she was having Gender Confirming Surgery?

I know many lesbians that I know that say that they support us but would never date a trans women. Which is saying that they don’t believe that we are women, therefore they are not supporting us if they don’t see us as women.

Let’s face it being trans and dating is very complex. But that doesn’t mean that love doesn’t happen.