Surprises When You Transition

On the Huffington Post blog Mac Scotty McGregor has a fun post about,
“4 Things You Have to Find Out the Hard Way When You Transition” it is kind of like “the this mom never told me” but for trans people…

1. Sexism is alive and well. Guess what? No matter if you transition from M to F or F to M -- you will encounter sexism in a brand new way. For example if you were seen as female; people may have offered to carry your bags or hold your door. Welcome to being a man. Doors will be closed in your face and not only will you be humping your own suitcase, you will suddenly find yourself carrying everybody else's as well. Got your female on? Welcome to womanhood. Prepare to be judged by your weight, your beauty and your age. Starting now.

Number 3 is another important one that lots of trans men do get right away,

3. Sometimes, our new gender comes with societal baggage; for female to male you may find yourself walking in your newly minted male body and notice a woman walking alone, crossing the street at night to create safe space from you. Wow! Welcome to manhood you are considered a possible predator now. Better think twice about approaching small children that you don't know well because parents may now question your motivations. In your female bodied self, it's very likely that it was quite safe for you to gush over babies and small children. Men are less welcome; and no one prepares you for the dark steely expression that can fall over a parent's face when a male bodied person makes a fuss over a child in the grocery store line…

I have a trans friend who does this and I cringe every time he talks to a child like this.

And the last one is also an import lesson,

4. Whether you transition from female to male or male to female; you may find that your traditional safe places, clubs and even bars no longer welcome you. The world is cut up into gender clubs; and no matter how close you were to your all female book club -- now that you're a man...

I know of a lesbian couple where one of them transitioned and they found it awkward in lesbian spaces where they used to hang out. Sadly they ended up getting a divorce because the non-trans partner found that she couldn’t adjust to being a straight relationship.

...You may also find that you are not welcomed into either gay or straight gender spaces with your new embodied gender. So where do you go? Yes, the world is opening to transgender people -- but the all women's group whether it is straight or gay may not be comfortable yet having a transwoman there. Flip it, and the same goes for the newly minted male. The all male naked yoga class may not be ready for you.

Sometimes it is a big cultural shock when we first transition; I remember my shock the first time I went into a women’s restroom… “My god they talk in here!” the contrast between a women’s and a men’s restroom is amazing, the guys all stare straight ahead and if there is any talk at all it is about sports or work. While in a women’s restroom everything is talked about it is more of a private social club, but of course there is more waiting in line.

And I want to add one, it is kind of related to #1, when you are trying to pull out into traffic guys are more likely to let you in. As a trans woman I was trying to pull out from the CVS store and a guy in a pick-up truck stopped to let me and I gave him a big smile.