Pronouns And Names...

There was an article on a Fox news (local which is way different from the national Fax network) about things to say and not to ask trans people. The one that I liked was,

The pronoun conundrum — what is appropriate?
Most transgender people want to be referred to by the pronoun of the gender with which they identify. “This is the shortest, simplest way to say, ‘I see you, I acknowledge you,'” Key said.

If you don’t always get it right, don’t freak out. Don’t make big deal of it, Kailey writes on “Tranifesto.”

When Ryan Casseta, a transgender 21-year-old, told his mother years ago that he felt like a boy rather than a girl, she immediately showed him love and acceptance. But it took practice for Fran Cassata to call him the new name — Ryan — that he wanted.

She laughs, recalling the experience. “I kept using ‘she’ and then I finally said to him, ‘Well, you try to call me by a different name. Don’t call me mom anymore. You can call me, ‘Your Highness.'”

Mother and son navigated a very difficult experience with humor, a method she encourages.

You know for family members it can be really hard to use your new name or pronoun because for all those years they knew only the shell you showed the world, they never knew the turmoil you were going through on the inside.

Even after seven years my brother and sister-in-law still slip, especially when they are tried or had a couple of drinks but I understand that sometimes it is hard.

I remember a trans man telling me one time; now here his is, male pattern baldness, a beard, and a deep voice, how his mother slips pronouns or calls him "her daughter." He said that the other day at a restaurant his mother called him “my daughter” to the waitress and he was sitting behind her made a circular motion by his ear and mouthed “getting old” to the waitress.

One of the reasons when I do outreach that I don’t like to tell my old name when someone asks me, since it is really just out of curiosity that they asked the question, is that it kind of locks in my male name to them, they subconsciously start using it.

I think we have to have humor to deal with transitioning otherwise we will end up with a chip on our shoulder and taking offense when someone is trying to use the right name or pronoun. It is a very different thing between trying to do the right thing and slipping up from when someone purposely says “Sir” and grins just to give that little dig.