Kids, Why Can’t We Let Them Grow Up In Peace?

When you are different you get bullied in school, it does matter why you are different; you could be too tall, too fat, come from a different country or area of the U.S. and speak with a regional accent. Or you could be a feminine boy…

When The Boys’ Room Isn’t Safe For A Boy
Queertry
By Raising My Rainbow
December 1, 2013

My son is six and a half years old. He’s been potty trained with nary an accident since exactly his third birthday.

Last week, in his first grade classroom, he peed his pants. He sat in his urine until the dismissal bell rang. His pants were soaked and cold when he got out of school. He was uncomfortable and he smelled. He didn’t want anybody to know. It was his secret.

He started crying in the car.

“I’m so ashamed of myself,” he said over and over again. Tears rolled down his face, even though he willed them not to. He couldn’t hold them back.

Come to find out, my son — with his long auburn hair, pink and purple fitted clothes, feminine backpack and wrist full of rainbow-colored loom bracelets – is terrified to use the boys’ bathroom at school.

photo 1On his first visit to the boys’ bathroom, he headed straight for the safety of the stall. Boys started peeking through the cracks in the stall to see if he was going pee or poop. Pooping at school is an embarrassment.  He avoided the bathroom for as long as he could. The next time he had to go, he, again, walked straight to the stall. He locked the door behind him. He lifted the toilet seat lid and unzipped his pants. He could hear them talking. He could hear them looking. He turned around. Boys were peeking through cracks again. This time they were trying to see his genitals. They wanted to know if my son has a p_____ or a v______. [I'm not being a prude by not writing out those words, in the past I have received adult content warning from Blogger when I used those words]

The mother complained to the school officials but they didn’t do anything at all!

After getting emotional and feeling blue about raising a boy who only likes pink, I contacted the school. I wiped my own tears and set out to fight his battles, clear his path and ensure that my son would be safe and comfortable at school. I feel like I’m the only mother who has to fight for her son’s rights to toilet in privacy, without others trying to get a good look at what’s between his legs.

What should the mother do?

Because the school doesn’t seem to be responding to her complaints she should file a complaint with the U.S. Department of Education Office of Civil Rights, schools are required to provide a safe space to learn. The OCR has issued warning to schools about this type of behavior and they have brought legal action against school systems. The warning reads in part...

Dear Colleague Letter
OFFICE OF THE ASSISTANT SECRETARY

October 26, 2010

Dear Colleague:

In recent years, many state departments of education and local school districts have taken steps to reduce bullying in schools. The U.S. Department of Education (Department) fully supports these efforts. Bullying fosters a climate of fear and disrespect that can seriously impair the physical and psychological health of its victims and create conditions that negatively affect learning, thereby undermining the ability of students to achieve their full potential. [My emphasis] The movement to adopt anti-bullying policies reflects schools’ appreciation of their important responsibility to maintain a safe learning environment for all students. (My emphasis) I am writing to remind you, however, that some student misconduct that falls under a school’s anti-bullying policy also may trigger responsibilities under one or more of the federal antidiscrimination laws enforced by the Department’s Office for Civil Rights (OCR). As discussed in more detail below, by limiting its response to a specific application of its anti-bullying disciplinary policy, a school may fail to properly consider whether the student misconduct also results in discriminatory harassment.

The statutes that OCR enforces include Title VI of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 (Title VI), which prohibits discrimination on the basis of race, color, or national origin; Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972 (Title IX), which prohibits discrimination on the basis of sex; Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 (Section 504); and Title II of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 (Title II). Section 504 and Title II prohibit discrimination on the basis of disability. School districts may violate these civil rights statutes and the Department’s implementing regulations when peer harassment based on race, color, national origin, sex, or disability is sufficiently serious that it creates a hostile environment and such harassment is encouraged, tolerated, not adequately addressed, or ignored by school employees. School personnel who understand their legal obligations to address harassment under these laws are in the best position to prevent it from occurring and to respond appropriately when it does. Although this letter focuses on the elementary and secondary school context, the legal principles also apply to postsecondary institutions covered by the laws and regulations enforced by OCR.

In July this year the OCR reached an agreement with Arcadia, California, School District over sex discrimination and bullying. In the agreement they state,

In recent years, the Justice Department and the Department of Education resolved a number of cases involving gender-based harassment in public schools. In 2012, the departments entered into a consent decree addressing harassment against students who do not conform to gender stereotypes in the Anoka-Hennepin School District, Minn. In 2011, the departments entered into an agreement with the Tehachapi Unified School District, Calif., to resolve a similar complaint of harassment against a gay student who did not conform to gender stereotypes.

He is definitely being harassed because he does not conform to gender stereotypes and having him use the staff bathroom or the nurse's bathroom is not an option under the law. The school system is opening itself up to fines and lawsuits by ignoring the bullying.