Marriages

Transgender Love: When Husband Becomes Wife
ABC News
By SUSAN DONALDSON JAMES
Aug. 15, 2011

When Diane Daniel met her husband Wessel, she was attracted to his smile, quiet humor and gentleness -- "and of course his Dutch accent." Though it shocked her, she dismissed the occasional cross-dressing as they dated and lived together as just part of his nerdy nonconformity.

But two months into their marriage in 2004, her husband revealed at dinner that he wanted to live as a woman, and the couple embarked on a long wrenching jouney to stay together.

Wessel is now Lina, and at 47, she has transitioned publicly from male to female.
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"I detached emotionally and physically," she writes. "I cried every day. I wondered what else he hadn't told me. I feared something was wrong with me to attract this kind of mate. I was angry and ashamed."

I know many wives who felt the same way and I can't really blame them for the way that they feel. But at the same time I understand why their husband never told them, I know so many trans-people who fought it all their lives and finally they had no other choice except to transition.

Helen Boyd, author of the 2003 book, "My Husband Betty," had a similar experience to Diane.

When her theatrical husband went from dabbling in drag to asking to wear an ordinary denim skirt, she thought, "This isn't fun anymore."

"I was shellshocked. I took a bath and just cried," said Boyd. "I knew that I would lose my male husband."

Boyd stayed with Betty, whom she had married as a man, "because I love her," and the couple just celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary.

"She is still as charming and still the person who can make me laugh when I don't want to laugh about anything," said Boyd. "We still share the same world view and she knows me better than any other human being."
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"I would not wish transition on anybody," she said. "All major life changes are difficult, but the lack of understanding is triple -- dealing with all the prejudice and bias, and even the sensationalism and prurient interest

I have known "Helen and Betty" for about six years now, we first met up in Provincetown at Fantasia Fair, a conference to trans-people. Our pathes have crossed from time to time and I have seen their love in their eyes. At the same time I have witnessed how the strain has affected their marriage. I have seen other marriages come apart when one partner transitions. At a support group meeting one time, a wife cried "I just want my husband back!" As Helen said,"I would not wish transition on anybody,"