Before I transitioned and I was still working, I came out to three people at work and another accidentally found out. The first person that told was the Human Resources director. But first, let me set the stage.
The first time that I ever when out as Diana was to a support group, the Connecticut Outreach Society (COS). It was with them that I started going out in public, they had dinners, they went to plays and out to the movies. As I gained confidence, I started going out on my own and I started getting active in the trans-community to end the oppression of trans-people. I was going to events where there were members of the press in attendance. It was at that time that I thought about coming out to HR.
It was a Friday afternoon on the day when the local LGBT community center was having a fundraiser; I believe it was in 2006, the year before I transitioned. I worked with her for close to twenty years and we were friends, that day I was in her office finishing up some business about my technicians that I supervised. She asked me what I was doing for the weekend and I told her I was going to a semi-formal affair. She said, “Oh, are you getting a tux?” After a long pause while I thought how to reply, I said, “Well not exactly…” and I sat down and told her about myself. We talked for about an hour, me telling my story and her asking questions, after I finished with my story, the first thing that she said was, “They are having a 1/3 off dress sale at Syms,”
I didn’t just tell her out of the blue, as I said I knew for almost 20 years and I knew she was a LGBT ally. I had made some comments in the pass to feel her out on LGBT issues. So from our conversations I knew that her daughter was an ally to a gay high school student and I knew that she was against discrimination. In addition, I wanted to tell her about myself for two reasons, first it is hard to keep lying to a friend and second to have an ally at work. Latter on I also told her administrative assistance and later my boss who was the general manager of the division. I told my boss because I was asked to be a backup guest for the local NPR station to talk about the anti-discrimination legislation, so I thought it might be good for him to know before he heard me on the radio (As it turned out, their primary guest was able to go on the show).
When I accidentally came out to one of my technicians, I knew that I had the support of management. I was reviewing my testimony on the anti-discrimination bill before I sent it, and somehow I accidentally printed it on the department’s printer. I don’t know how long it was in the printer out basket, but one of my technicians found it and asked me if it was mine. Since it had my female name on it, I said it was my cousin’s testimony that she asked me to review.
The moral to this story is that before you come out to your co-workers, think! Plan! Try to keep it on a need to know basis and remember, “A secret shared, is a secret no more.” Try to be in control of the dissemination of the news and don’t let the news control you.
A secret shared is a secret no more--very, very wise words.
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