Coming Out Is Personal

When and where to come is something only the individual can decide and sometimes that decision is very hard to make.

Transgender Actress Nicole Maines Gives Advice for People Nervous About Coming Out
Meet WrapWomen Next-Gen Ambassador Nicole Maines
The Wrap
By Emily Vogel
April 16, 2020

Nicole Maines is the hero we all need right now. Who am I kidding?! She is the hero we’ve ALWAYS needed.

Both on and off the screen WrapWomen Ambassador Nicole Maines is leading the fight toward justice and equality. At age 17 Nicole fought and won the Supreme Court case Doe v. Clenchy allowing students to use the bathroom consistent with their gender identity. At age 20, she became TV’s first transgender superhero, starring in CW’s “Supergirl.” Currently age 22, whether she’s suited up in mask and tights or in jeans and a t-shirt, Nicole’s strength as a hero has broken boundaries and inspired people of all ages to be proud of who they are.

A few years ago she was the keynote speaker at the Trans Health and Law Conference here in Connecticut and we went out to eat with her and her mother.

In the article they interviewed her…

How important do you think it is for younger audiences to have a transgender role model?
Nicole Maines: As important as it is for them to have cisgender role models. Everyone deserves to have somebody like them to look up to as they’re growing up. It lets them know that they’re going to be alright. Having a transgender role model means that being trans is not a bad thing and it is proof that it gets better.
[…]
What advice do you have for other transgender people who are maybe struggling to come out?
NM: Don’t rush yourself. I don’t ever want someone to feel like they’re wrong for choosing not to come out, or for coming out and having people not accept them. Your identity is entirely yours and you owe it to nobody. That said, if you want to come out, and you’re struggling, try with just a couple of people at a time. No need to come out to everyone all at once. And something that helped me a lot was putting feelers out there. Testing the waters, as it were. I’d kind of get a feel for how someone felt about gay rights, then trans rights. See what that person’s politics were and then decide if I thought it was safe to come out to them.

That is good advice.

When I came out I pick the person most likely to be accepting and I save the one who I thought would have the hardest time accepting me (It turned out she was the first to invite me to a family holiday dinner.). I told them one or two at a time so that they couldn’t gang up on me, so you do not want to come out at a family function because all it takes is one vocal relative to poison the family.

I also practiced coming out so that I knew what to do if different scenarios came up; if there were against my transition I knew how to handle it. I planned for the worst and hoped for the best.