What Does It Mean To Dead Name Someone?

I never heard the phrase dead-naming until repentantly and I think it is a fitting name for it.

I got a lot of flak when I said that when I do outreach if I am asked my old name I don’t tell them, instead I talk about what we think of our old names and gentle tell them why it is wrong to ask someone about their old name.

What It Means to "Dead-Name" a Transgender Person, and Why You Should Stop
Pop Sugar
By Ryan Roschke
September 24, 2017

In the first season of Amazon's incredible, visceral series Transparent, we meet Maura, a transgender woman who decides to come out later in her life. Maura has three kids and an ex-wife, all of whom struggle to see this new side of a person they've known for decades. During this time of struggle (and in flashbacks), we also learn what is known as Maura's "dead name" — aka the name she had prior to her transition.
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To get a better understanding of the deep significance of selecting a given name, we spoke to writer Caleb Camacho. "I think selecting a name and hearing people refer to me with that name was pretty solidifying in the transition process," Camacho, who is transgender, told POPSUGAR. "It made me feel like I was being seen as the man I was presenting myself as. When I finally got my legal documentation changed over to reflect my chosen name, it was a major deal. Yes, it's time-consuming and frustrating, but it's so worth it in the end. I no longer get strange looks when I present my ID card or license."

It's clear that choosing a new name to go with a more authentic identity is a very private and personal aspect of an individual's transition. That said, there have been several prominent and public examples of transgender people addressing how they wish to be referred to — both in pronouns and by formal names — especially in the last decade. As we already mentioned, Transparent introduces us to a transgender woman who renames herself Maura after coming out. Since Maura's dead name is Mort, her choice of name signifies a common way for an individual to self-identify after transition: to take their previous name and use a version of it that reflects their new identity.

“It's clear that choosing a new name to go with a more authentic identity is a very private and personal aspect of an individual's transition.” I would say that is totally true, for many of us it is a very private and personal experience but for some they talk it over with their spouse and/or parents. One of the things that I learned when I was exploring transitioning was that it can be a good way to get family or your spouse buy-in to your transition.

I did that for my middle name, I wanted to keep my same initials and the middle name that I liked was my sister-in-law’s middle name so when we were all sitting around the dining room table after supper one time. I didn’t like “Robin” not because of the name but because I know a lot of Robins. We did come up with a middle name that I liked and we had fun doing it.

Refusing to call someone by their new name is just the same as refusing to acknowledge their new gender identity, and it's often employed as a transphobic way to demean and deny a transgender person's true expression of self. In 2015, radio host Glenn Beck said in a rant that he would not call Caitlyn Jenner by her new name and would not call her a woman. Instead, he repeatedly used her dead name and only referred to her with masculine pronouns. It's easy to see how the two go hand in hand. The embrace of one facet of a person's identity would, logically, beget the embrace of another.

I think this is a good example of why we don’t like people to dead-name us, which is because, it is used to humiliate, belittle us and to deny our existence.

But even when dead-naming isn't intended to be malicious, it is not harmless. As Camacho notes, you can only give those around you the benefit of the doubt for so long. Furthermore, it's important to acknowledge the effect it might have in more grave situations. For instance, consider how the police often fail to use correct names and pronouns when referring to transgender murder victims, impacting the data and understanding of the violence that community faces. And in smaller moments, consider how it might deny a person the simple right and respect to live as the person they truly are. In moments like this, using a proper name and gender identity means everything.