This Is What I Have Been Saying

That we can see male privileges from both sides; trans men gain privilege while trans women lose privilege and there is a difference.

“Cultural sexism in the world is very real when you’ve lived on both sides of the coin”
Time
By Charlotte Alter
August 2016


Over the last three years, transgender awareness has exploded. From Orange is the New Black to Transparent, from Janet Mock to Caitlyn Jenner, America has a growing fascination with the lives of transgender people, most recently in light of recent debates over controversial bathroom laws. But the spotlight on trans issues has mostly been focused on transgender women, and transgender men have been largely left out of the narrative. Our cultural obsession with feminine beauty contributes to the imbalance. “Women’s appearances get more attention, women’s actions are commented on and critiqued more than men, so in that world it just makes sense that people will focus more on trans women than trans men,” says Julia Serano, a transgender activist and author of Whipping Girl. (Because most surveys ask people to identify as male or female but not cisgender or transgender, the size of the transgender population in America is unclear, though one study suggests there are about 700,000 trans people in the U.S.; it’s nearly impossible to know how many of them are trans men.)


Yet experiences of trans men can provide a unique window into how gender functions in American society. In the last few months, I’ve interviewed nearly two dozen trans men and activists about work, relationships and family. Over and over again, men who were raised and socialized as female described all the ways they were treated differently as soon as the world perceived them as male. They gained professional respect, but lost intimacy. They exuded authority, but caused fear. From courtrooms to playgrounds to prisons to train stations, at work and at home, with friends and alone, trans men reiterated how fundamentally different it is to experience the world as a man.

“Cultural sexism in the world is very real when you’ve lived on both sides of the coin,” says Tiq Milan, a friend of the future groom.

That now as women or men they see how women are treated when it comes to work. Many trans women that I know get disrespected at work, one trans woman that is a manager got asked to get the coffee for her meeting by one of the clients.

Many trans men I spoke with said they had no idea how rough women at work had it until they transitioned. As soon as they came out as men, they found their missteps minimized and their successes amplified. Often, they say, their words carried more weight: They seemed to gain authority and professional respect overnight. They also saw confirmation of the sexist attitudes they had long suspected: They recalled hearing female colleagues belittled by male bosses, or female job applicants called names.

I remember a trans guy friend saying it was almost like he got a brain now. He said that all of a sudden he became an expert on cars, that if he said that their muffler bearing was going people would nod their heads in agreement. While trans women that I know said it was like getting a lobotomy, no one paid attention to what they are saying.

So when guys ask “what male privilege?” we know what that is from both sides. We know what it is like to lose it or gain it.