There Is Out And Then There Is OUT!

We want to be in control of our transition but sometimes our transition takes on a life of its own and we lose control of it.

On Transgender Universe, Mila Madison writes about "Dealing With the Fallout When Your Transition Goes Nuclear"

So you finally come to terms with yourself. After years of struggling with it, you accept the fact that you are transgender. Congratulations! Now it is time for you to come out, but that could be a scary proposition. As much as you prepare for it, nothing can make you ready enough for the fallout from telling everyone you are trans. It is the moment of truth when you learn who really loves you. None of us come out of it unscathed. For some, they nuke their entire lives, losing everything in its wake.

There is so much to consider before you take that leap off the ledge and throw yourself to the unknown. You have no control when it comes to how others will react to your news. You have parents, friends, and work. For some there may be a relationship or a marriage that will be tested. If you have kids, how do you tell them? How will they handle it? It is these worries that are the very building blocks of the proverbial closet that many of us have lived in or in some cases still live in.

But many if not most of us, our schedules fall apart as soon as we take the first step upon on journey. Some of us get cold feet, some of us can’t wait and want to accelerate their transition, while others have it all laid out on a spreadsheet  and I even know one trans person who used Microsoft Projects to lay out her transitions complete with milestones and parallel tasks (and yes she is an engineer).

But we are human and when it comes to making important decisions in our lives we should be flexible. I know trans person she worked with HR to plan how she was going to come out at work and the next thing she knew HR was saying that according to the schedule they were going to send out an announcement to the department heads, but she was getting cold feet about coming out to everyone. HR wanted to keep her to her schedule.

There is one person that I know had it all figured out which family member she was going to tell first and then tell the other family members one at a time while building support within her family. Well after she told the first family member it was too juicy of news to not tell the other family members so she spilled the beans to all the family members. Some family members were mad at her for not telling them, that they had to hear it from other family members, while some were downright hostile and tried to spread their hate among the other family members.

The main thing to remember is to be flexible; no plan is carved in stone.  Make sure HR recognizes the need to change your plans at the last minute. Understand your family and friends might tell others beforehand about your transition, you might want to stress the need to tell other family members and friends first but you also have to realize that they might not respect your wishes.

However, always remember the first rule… be safe.

P.S.
"There Is Out And Then There Is OUT!" came from Fantasia Fair's staff person who tells a story of being interviewed by the college newspaper where she works about her crossdressing but the story was picked up by a Canadian national newspaper.