One Morning I Woke Up…

And thought I want to be discriminated against and fired from my job, thrown out of my apartment, and spit upon. It is not a choice, just like you don’t make a choice in your gender I never made a choice in my gender.

Transgender stories: 'People think we wake up and decide to be trans'
From a teenager whose mum joins him at Pride parades, to a 70-year-old who was sacked five times for being trans, five people tell of their experiences
The Guardian
As told to Kate Lyons
Sunday 10 July 2016

Nikki Hayden, 26, psychology student, London
Until I was about four or five I didn’t know I wasn’t a girl, to be honest with you. One of my earliest memories, about five years old, was being yelled at by a teacher for going to the toilet with the girls. About the same age I realised I was different to these other boys. At the age of nine I refused to have my hair cut. I didn’t have it cut until I was 16, because having it cut was such a torment to me.
[…]
Keith Reynolds, 18, student, Surrey

Transgender clinic services under strain as referral rates soar

A lot of people have it in their head that we wake up and decide to be trans. I want people to know that it’s not a choice. Nothing has happened in my life to make me trans. I was born trans.

I told my mum when I was about 13. She was shocked and didn’t really understand. Then six months later she told my dad and he was so angry. I love my dad but he was a very traditional person. There was a lot of tension. I couldn’t wear men’s clothing, or I couldn’t wear men’s deodorant – it would cause an argument.
[…]
Jenny-Anne Bishop OBE, 70, retired sales manager, scientific instrumentation, Rhyl, Wales

I knew I was trans from about three or four years old. From a very early age I thought one day I’ll wake up and my body will be like my sisters’ and my parents would say: “Oh, we had a girl, not a boy as we thought.”

We don’t get to choose, it chooses us. If we deny who we are it causes great pain and emotional distress and when we do live our lives in our true gender all that stress goes away.

Believe me when I say that the society treats use no one would choose to be trans, it is not fun being an outcast.

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This morning’s Ask Amy column had a question by a gay couple on when to “out” a trans friend.

Ask Amy: Couple wonders about outing trans friend
By Amy Dickinson
July 11, 2016

Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I are a gay couple. We live on a very friendly working-class suburban street and get along well with all the neighbors, all of whom know that we are a couple.

We have a good friend whom I’ll call “Susan.” Susan is in her late 60s and is transgender. It’s not immediately obvious that she was not born female. (Most people probably attribute her low voice to the fact that she smokes like a chimney.) She often comes over to our house and sits with us on the terrace or works with us in the garden.

Our next-door neighbor is a 70-something widower, “Harold.”

I’m sure you can see where this is going. Harold has developed quite a crush on Susan. He flirts with her, gives her flowers, etc. We have no idea if he has even the slightest suspicion that she’s transgender.

Harold is a terribly nice guy, and I would hate to see him get more and more interested, only at some point to perhaps feel that he’s been made a fool of when he finds out the truth.

Do you think we should say anything to him before things go any further?

The fact that Susan is transgender may not really matter at all, because she says she’s not remotely interested in having a romantic relationship with anyone. But then she’s said that before about men, only to get involved with them.

Any advice?

Neighborly

Dear Neighborly: I understand your intentions, and I assume they are 100 percent golden, but your friend “Susan’s” gender identity is her business, and your neighbor’s romantic intentions are his business.

If you want to spare him embarrassment, then why would you embarrass him by outing both of them, thus highlighting your own interest and speculation about his romantic choices?

The most you should do is to urge “Susan” to make her status clear to him. If she is not interested in pursuing any kind of romantic relationship with him, then she should let him know.

If she is interested in a romantic relationship, she should disclose her trans status at some point, but she gets to decide when that would be. If she has had relationships with men in the past, then she has dealt with this before.

Her answer is right on, it is none of your business whether she tells him nor when she tells him.