As most of you know “coming out” is not a single event, but a lifelong process. There is coming out to our parents, coming out to our family, coming out to friends, coming out at work, coming out when we are in a doctor’s examination room and eventually coming out at the undertaker.
When I was asked one time by a group of lesbians at a B&B in Provincetown at the end of Women’s Week and the beginning of Fantasia Fair what does the Lesbian and Trans community have in common. I didn’t even have to pause and think about it, I said we have coming out in common. And we started telling our coming out stories, I told them how I planned and rehearsed on how to tell my brother and in the end I just blurted it out as he was going out the door. After a couple of bottles of wine we now had seven more allies.
Many lesbians, gays, bi and trans-people say we don’t have anything in common with each other, but we do. If you look at the process of the discovery our identities or orientation, the integration and acceptance of our uniqueness, the coming out process and finally the pride in being ourselves, you can see that we share many things. We all cross the gender norm, we transgress what most people think as typical gender behavior or identity. “Normal” men identify as male and love a woman and “normal” woman identify as female and love men, but we break those genders norms. We also share, sadly, the discrimination and the violence. When we are on the ground being beaten by our tormentors they are not making the distinction of whether we are gay or lesbian or bi or trans, to them we are all the same.
When I was asked one time by a group of lesbians at a B&B in Provincetown at the end of Women’s Week and the beginning of Fantasia Fair what does the Lesbian and Trans community have in common. I didn’t even have to pause and think about it, I said we have coming out in common. And we started telling our coming out stories, I told them how I planned and rehearsed on how to tell my brother and in the end I just blurted it out as he was going out the door. After a couple of bottles of wine we now had seven more allies.
Many lesbians, gays, bi and trans-people say we don’t have anything in common with each other, but we do. If you look at the process of the discovery our identities or orientation, the integration and acceptance of our uniqueness, the coming out process and finally the pride in being ourselves, you can see that we share many things. We all cross the gender norm, we transgress what most people think as typical gender behavior or identity. “Normal” men identify as male and love a woman and “normal” woman identify as female and love men, but we break those genders norms. We also share, sadly, the discrimination and the violence. When we are on the ground being beaten by our tormentors they are not making the distinction of whether we are gay or lesbian or bi or trans, to them we are all the same.
You nailed it! We all share the process of 'coming out'. For some, it's a quick process. For others, it takes more time. Either way, it's the same shared process - in acknowledging who and what we are, and then being comfortable sharing that with others - in spite of potential social cost.
ReplyDeleteMarian