My Story Part 83 – The Gathering Of The Tribe

Last weekend I attended a party up in southern Vermont and the party was thrown by a trans-woman and a trans support group. There were about 20 – 25 people who attended the campout, but I didn’t want to sleep in a tent on the ground, so I went to the cottage for the night and came back to the party on Sunday.

It was nice to be in a safe place where I am not the only trans person there. Sometimes it gets to be a little bit oppressive when everyone in a place is staring at you. Do you know that song by Bob Seger, “Turn the Page” where he sings,

Well you walk into a restaurant,
Strung out from the road
And you feel the eyes upon you
As you're shakin' off the cold
You pretend it doesn't bother you
But you just want to explode

That is how I feel sometimes, so it is nice to go to a trans-space where everyone is accepting. I do not mean that a trans-space is exclusively trans, but a space where trans is normative. Where you do not “feel the eyes upon you”, a space where you are not judged and all the people there respect the space. It is like going to a private cub; like a golf clubhouse for dinner and they have a rule that all men must wear a suit and tie and the women a dress. If you go there you respect the rules of the club.

You could also say that it is like the place that the theme song for Cheers mentions,

Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.

Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows your name.

You wanna go where people know, people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows your name.

That is how the party felt for me, a place where everyone knows your name.

For me I like a trans-space. However, for some trans-people, they avoid places where there are other trans-people, they don’t want places where trans-people are, they want to be with cisgender people and I respect that. But there are others who like to be in a safe friendly space and the picnic provided that space. I believe that a number of trans people like going to a trans-space because of familiar faces and they are tired of being judged every day be strangers, they want a space where they don’t have to worry about what other people think. While others have made many friends in our journey and we want to stay in touch and the picnic provided a chance to reminisce and renew acquaintances. For me the party is a combination of being in a space where I’m not judged and reminiscing with old friends.

I am tired of going to meetings and being the only trans-person there. I was at a meeting the other day and I was sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee when one of the other members sat down across from me and said I am are the first transgender he meet. I felt like yelling, “Whoopee, I’m the first tranny you meet, aren’t I lucky” Instead I introduced myself, shook his hand and did the “Trans 101” thing. Why? Because the trans-community is being judged right there and then by my actions.

So I go to the party to let my hair down and do silly things…

Kilroy was here