Spouses.

When a trans-person transitions, their whole family transitions with them, this is practically harder if they are married and they have children. I came across this essay and I want to share it with you.

"The Hopeful Road"
by Shellie Ruge
Posted 2/8/2011
Genderidentitymagazine.com

When Randi initially disclosed to me five years ago that she was transgendered, I couldn't find anyone who could give me HOPE that my marriage could survive. I didn't even know yet if I wanted my relationship to survive, but I wanted the option, if that makes sense. The general consensus from everyone, including professionals, was that we would not make it. I think that was just as traumatic as the idea of transition at the time. I was in crisis, and I couldn't really tell up from down yet, but I just needed someone to tell me that staying married to Randi was an OPTION, that marriage and transition was POSSIBLE.

The moment of Randi's disclosure...how could I ever forget the visceral feeling of my heart falling to the floor...that feeling of knowing that my life would never be the same. I couldn't stay in the dark anymore and pretend that this wasn't happening. The moment of truth arrives at disclosure and there is no escaping it, no matter how hard you look for the door, no matter how hard you look for that time machine to take you back to those few moments before the words came out and hung in the air in front of your eyes. There is simply no going back. Then there is that couple polarity when two people love each other: one is relieved that the secret is finally out, and the other is devastated and still trying to find some semblance of reality.

After the initial shock, came the feelings of anger and betrayal. I knew these feelings were a normal part of the grieving process. But I didn't even have a concept of my future either with or without Randi to help me step out of the grief. I was crushed at the idea of not having her in my life, and I was crushed to think of how my life was going to change with transition. I needed a model so I could just see what my relationship COULD look like in the future. I couldn't even put a picture to it or understand my future relationship potential with Randi. I realized that there really wasn't a relationship model for me to follow. If I wanted options, it was going to be up to me.
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Today I have HOPE for my marriage; I have HOPE for my future; and I have HOPE for other spouses experiencing the crazy ride of transition. There is no question that it is the road less taken. Unquestionably, there have been many hard moments. But it's a road that has taught me things about myself and others that I could not have experienced without Randi in my life. It's a road that has made me who I am today, and I will forever be grateful for that.

There are no easy answers, there are no guarantees. There is only hard work.