The Providence Journal published an AP article about intrusive questions; I thought that I would give my answers to those questions. The first question was…
“Have you had surgery?”
I think Joy Ladin’s answer was on target; would you ask a stranger at a party, “So, did you have your gallbladder taken out?” There is a time and place for every question. If I was doing outreach, I would maybe answer but I definitely add that it is not important to have “The Surgery” because we are so much more than what is between our legs.
“You pass really well.”
After an hour talk about trans-etiquette a woman came up and said “I never would have known you were a man.” I just wanted to bop her on the head and say “were you listening for the last hour?” Landin’s answer was,
“What was your name before?”
I usually brush off that question even when I am doing outreach, it is just not important to learning about trans-issues. It only satisfies a curiosity, Janet Mock said
I answer the same was that Ms. Mock answered. I usually say the date that I legally transitioned, but then I go into the story about the debate on the House floor during the vote on the non-discrimination bill. The Republicans wanted to suspend a teacher from teaching while they transitioned and we all were giggling up in the visitor’s gallery because we knew there was no definition os “transition” for some things it is a lifelong process and for other things it happens in less than a day.
“Is it hard for you to date?”
I would answer that question in general during an outreach, but not anywhere else… it is not any of their business. I think in an outreach that is an important question to help them understand what we are going through but not about me in particular.
“What does your family think about this?”
Same answer as above, it is important for outreach but not at a cocktail party… Let’s not talk about my transness… let’s talk about other things.
There is a time and place for every question, many questions that I get asked at an outreach are like the questions above and I think they are very good questions but they don’t really need to know about my personal details but more how they apply to the trans-community in general.
I have slightly shifted away from doing outreach to doing more cultural competency training where I do a presentation. I add personal anecdotes, but it is not about “me” it is about the community.
“Have you had surgery?”
I think Joy Ladin’s answer was on target; would you ask a stranger at a party, “So, did you have your gallbladder taken out?” There is a time and place for every question. If I was doing outreach, I would maybe answer but I definitely add that it is not important to have “The Surgery” because we are so much more than what is between our legs.
“You pass really well.”
After an hour talk about trans-etiquette a woman came up and said “I never would have known you were a man.” I just wanted to bop her on the head and say “were you listening for the last hour?” Landin’s answer was,
Yeah, I’ve felt different ways about that. Early in transition I was pretty happy about that. I took that as a compliment. I think if it were phrased, “You really look like a woman,” that would be a little more problematic.That is how I feel now also, those who are just coming out it seems the big thing is “passing” or like how I say it “integrating” but over time it becomes a minor point, I just want to go on and live my life.
At this point I feel like I’m just living as myself, so I’m not trying to pass as anything, so it takes me aback a little.
“What was your name before?”
I usually brush off that question even when I am doing outreach, it is just not important to learning about trans-issues. It only satisfies a curiosity, Janet Mock said
“I don’t know why that’s relevant to our interaction with one another? Why is that important for you to know?”“When did you transition?”
I answer the same was that Ms. Mock answered. I usually say the date that I legally transitioned, but then I go into the story about the debate on the House floor during the vote on the non-discrimination bill. The Republicans wanted to suspend a teacher from teaching while they transitioned and we all were giggling up in the visitor’s gallery because we knew there was no definition os “transition” for some things it is a lifelong process and for other things it happens in less than a day.
“Is it hard for you to date?”
I would answer that question in general during an outreach, but not anywhere else… it is not any of their business. I think in an outreach that is an important question to help them understand what we are going through but not about me in particular.
“What does your family think about this?”
Same answer as above, it is important for outreach but not at a cocktail party… Let’s not talk about my transness… let’s talk about other things.
There is a time and place for every question, many questions that I get asked at an outreach are like the questions above and I think they are very good questions but they don’t really need to know about my personal details but more how they apply to the trans-community in general.
I have slightly shifted away from doing outreach to doing more cultural competency training where I do a presentation. I add personal anecdotes, but it is not about “me” it is about the community.
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