I was reading a blog the other day and the person was writing about when a neighbor asked her where’s her husband, the neighbor said that he hasn’t seen him in years
She had two options; one was to tell the neighbor that she is him and out herself and the other option was to say that he moved.
What would you say? Would you out yourself or lie?
My choice would have been to tell him that she used to be him. Because sooner or later that neighbor is going to find out the truth and realized that she lied to him. Some day he will be talking to another neighbor or the letter carrier or someone else and find out the truth.
Yes, the information is private and not everyone needs to know but I think a neighbor is someone on a need to know. I look at it as kind of like a Venn diagram, there are those whose life doesn’t intersect with us on a daily bases and then there is the rest of the world.
Suppose you are at work and a customer calls and asks for his salesman, John Doe. Do you tell him that John doesn’t work there anymore and that you have taken over his accounts or do you tell him that you were John and now you are Jane.
Suppose this was a big account, and he finds out through the grapevine that you transitioned and is now mad at you for not telling him the truth and you lose the account. Of course you could lose the account if you tell him the truth but which would be more ethical?
The trouble with the Venn diagram is that it is not a sharp line between those we tell and those we don’t; the line gets blurry around the edges.
Suppose it is the bagging clerk at the supermarket that asks, do we tell that person?
I personally would tell the clerk, I told enough lies when I was hiding, I don’t want to tell anymore lies. However, I realize that not everyone thinks the way I do and that it is a very personal decision that we each have to make.
What do you think?
She had two options; one was to tell the neighbor that she is him and out herself and the other option was to say that he moved.
What would you say? Would you out yourself or lie?
My choice would have been to tell him that she used to be him. Because sooner or later that neighbor is going to find out the truth and realized that she lied to him. Some day he will be talking to another neighbor or the letter carrier or someone else and find out the truth.
Yes, the information is private and not everyone needs to know but I think a neighbor is someone on a need to know. I look at it as kind of like a Venn diagram, there are those whose life doesn’t intersect with us on a daily bases and then there is the rest of the world.
Suppose you are at work and a customer calls and asks for his salesman, John Doe. Do you tell him that John doesn’t work there anymore and that you have taken over his accounts or do you tell him that you were John and now you are Jane.
Suppose this was a big account, and he finds out through the grapevine that you transitioned and is now mad at you for not telling him the truth and you lose the account. Of course you could lose the account if you tell him the truth but which would be more ethical?
The trouble with the Venn diagram is that it is not a sharp line between those we tell and those we don’t; the line gets blurry around the edges.
Suppose it is the bagging clerk at the supermarket that asks, do we tell that person?
I personally would tell the clerk, I told enough lies when I was hiding, I don’t want to tell anymore lies. However, I realize that not everyone thinks the way I do and that it is a very personal decision that we each have to make.
What do you think?
Personally, telling lies is the hardest thing about being trans, so I avoid lying as much as possible. As a result, if someone asks, I usually tell all.
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