I am neither pink nor blue, but a mix to the two.
When I was born, I should have gotten a lavender blanket because as I was growing up I was never really a boy. I always felt that I should have been playing with the girls and as a result, I was always a loner. I wanted so bad to go and play with the girls but I had to pretend to love sports and be a rough and tumble boy. Don’t get me wrong, I did love to play with the boys, I loved playing with the Tonka toys, but my heart was always wanting to join the girls. As I grew up, I liked backpacking, fishing, and skeet shooting.
Now that I have transitioned, I love being treated as a woman, I love being seen as a woman, I love being with the woman, but I’ll never be a woman just like I was never really a man. However, when women talk about scouting, it has an entire different experience for me. When women talk about going to the prom, I have a different set of memories.
I am a blend of male and female, I am lavender.
Really interesting perspectives. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteYou're uniquely you and that is wonderful!
ReplyDeleteI'm struck by the way your comments echo the words of my 7 year old child. He (we haven't yet made the pronoun jump) is a natal/assigned male with a lavender-tilting-to-pink soul, and we may or may not be on the verge now of making a social transition to girl in the 2nd grade. The hard part right now is that it is very hard to tell whether my child is now settling into a fixed gender identity on one pole, or instead is responding to external pressure from kids who keep asking that incessant question: Are you a boy or a girl?
ReplyDeleteBeing in the middle space is hard. This kid has tried to explain every which way the concept of "both" and lavender, and thankfully has a large posse of friends who accept that, but at every turn there is that drumbeat: Pick a side. You can't be both.
At least we're able to be in a space now where pretending to be a true-blue boy isn't even on the table. And we do have laws on our side and training we can (and will) bring in to the school to change the culture as much as possible.
But man, I wish we were further along, so a child like mine could freely say what shade of the rainbow they are and be able to simply be who they are, no explanation needed. And that the question "Boy or girl?" would be as absurd as asking "Chocolate or vanilla?" at Baskin Robbins.
Yes, sometimes our journey is hard on our whole family. Especially when we are as young as your child.
ReplyDeleteHave you heard of "TransYouth Family Allies" it is run by a mother whose daughter transitioned and is now her son.