A Look Back

I wrote this for the Connecticut Outreach Society's Newsletter.

A Look Back

By Diana

It seems like a long time ago that I came out and went to my first COS meeting but it was only seven years ago. I have come a long ways since then, I remember gathering up my courage to walk up the steps of the meeting. It was a big step for me and everyone else who has made it up those steps. Little did I know where it was going to lead.

I remember K, D and T sitting and talking to me, calming my nerves and making me feel welcome, making me feel a part of COS and part of an extended family. I had emailed K back and forth asking her questions about COS and the meeting, what should I wear, how many members show up for a meeting, what is the age of the members and she patiently answered all of them. Finally I gathered my courage and came to a meeting only to have it the wrong night; I had to gather up my courage again to go again.

I remember the first time they had an offsite meeting at the French Butterfly Boutique and I sat out in the car crying because I was afraid to go inside, but the next time they had a meeting there I did go inside. I had over come my fear. I remember the first time I went out to eat at Goldroc, in K’s directions she said to go into the restaurant, turn left, go all the way to the end and they would be on the right. Well I marched in looking just at the floor to avoiding eye contact and followed her directions. When I looked up, no one was in sight so I quickly sat down in the booth and stared at the table wonder what to do. Then the waiter came over and I didn’t know what to do, but he said, “I think the group that you want are over there”. I looked where he was pointing and there they all were grinning because I had marched right passed them.

There have been a lot of other firsts, friends have always been there to help and go with me shopping as I built up courage. T, D and G they have gone with me shopping and to malls. Do I still have fears, yes but I am working to overcome them. I still dread the first time I have to go to a Home Depot or a car dealer; however I know I can overcome the fear.

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I wrote this article for the newsletter because I see new members who look at us old timers and they never realize that we were just like they are now. That we all had our "First Time Out" and it is something we should always remember and cherish.