It Is That Dripping Faucet

It is not that one drip, but the constant drip, drip, drip that gets to you. It is the same for harassment, it is not that one misgender but constantly being misgender. That one “Sir” might not be the trigger but if it is after a whole day of being harassed it might be the one that “breaks the camel’s back.”

Allies and Microaggressions
When you see microaggressions occurring against colleagues, how should you respond? Kerry Ann Rockquemore offers guidance.
Inside Higher Ed
By Kerry Ann Rockquemore
April 13, 2016

Dear Kerry Ann,
I’ve only recently learned what microaggressions are and the impact they have. Now that I know, I can see them happening frequently to my junior colleagues who are minorities and women, particularly in faculty meetings, hallway conversations and informal gatherings.

My problem is that I see what’s happening and understand the impact on my junior colleagues, but I don’t know what to say or do in the moment. I know what’s happening is a problem, and I want to do something, but I freeze. The best I can do is to go see the targeted person afterward to say, “I’m sorry that happened.”

I feel terrible that these kinds of things happen at all, but I feel worse that I don’t know what to do in the moment. I want to be a better ally for my colleagues, but I’m not sure how to do so or whom to ask for help. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Awkward Ally

And her answer was,

Dear Awkward,
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your question and your desire to be a better ally. While there are lots of ways to be an ally (e.g., mentoring, being a sponsor, shaping policy), the one that is often unexpectedly challenging is how to respond to microaggressions in the moment. The sad truth is not only are microaggressions a regular occurrence, but they’re also painful to receive and observe, and they have a lasting impact.

I experience microaggressions regularly. For example, a few days ago, I attended a local executive club meeting where I was the only female CEO present. In a discussion about expanding the group, I observed that the time of meeting (4 p.m. to 6 p.m.) and the activity (we toured a model of a hockey stadium that is being built) might be contributing to the lack of gender diversity in the group. One of the members responded by suggesting, “Maybe we should we meet at the mall next time and focus on shopping.”

Zing! Talk about male privilege that was wrong on so many levels. Usually microagressions are from a place of superiority to a marginalized community.

This comment was met with silence. I waited for an ally to emerge and say something, but nobody did. So I smiled and said, “Actually that’s a really bad stereotype.” People laughed, the awkward silence was broken and we moved on. Afterward, several men in the room came up to me individually to comment that they “couldn’t believe” what was said, apologized that such an inappropriate comment was made and requested that I plan the next event.

Robin McHaelen, the director of True Colors has a saying, “If you hear mean, intervene.” The author goes on to say,

I’m sharing this story with you for two important reasons. The first is to get concrete about the reality of silent allies. I think you know this already, but I’ll say it anyway:

• Silence communicates tacit approval.
• Apologizing to the target afterwards adds insult to injury.
• The worst ex post facto response of all is asking the target of a microaggression to fix the problem. (For example, “You plan the next event if you think we need more women.”)

The second reason I’m sharing this story with you is because I want you to know that even though I experience microaggressions (as a woman of color), I also observe other types of microaggressions where I am in a position to be an ally for others (i.e., around homophobia, religious intolerance and disability issues). Even though I know the pain of being the target, the truth is that I still occasionally freeze when it’s my turn to act as an ally.

As Robin says “If you hear mean, intervene.” Because if you do not you are implying that what was said was okay. Sometimes it is very hard to speak up, it might be that it was your boss who said it or you are a member of the targeted class.

The author goes on to write about ways that to can fight miscroagressions,

In other words, it’s not just one person acting like an asshole; what’s occurring in everyday interactions is a continual manifestation of privilege. As such, my words and actions matter to the higher-level goals of equity and inclusion. Microresistance empowers me and makes me feel that my daily choices contribute to the overall climate in which I’m embedded.

“If you hear mean, intervene.”

Intervention can take on many meanings it can mean to answer the microagressions to addressing the company climate or the school climate.