I can remember when I made the decision to come out of the closet very vividly, it was somewhere around 3 in the morning laying in the emergency room at the local hospital.
The day started off just like any other day, but in the afternoon I got into a shouting match with my boss in the hallway at work. He wanted me to step up the testing of a product that we had in the test department so that we could ship out the system on schedule. I was telling him that we can’t because all the parts were not in house yet and the conversation got rather heated (it turned out that the parts did come in and we shipped it on schedule). That night when I got home from work I mowed the lawn in the 90+ heat. After I finished mowing the lawn, I had some strong tea (a lot of caffeine) during dinner. After dinner I had a chocolate cake (Pepperidge Farm’s Death by Chocolate), a beer and smoked a joint while watching the Red Socks game.
While I was watching the game I started feeling light headed, like I was going to faint. I checked my pulse and it was rapidly going thump, thump, thump…… thump…… thump…… thump, thump. It was very erratic and it was 147 beats per minute and pausing.
Between the time that I called 911 and the ambulance came, I changed from Diana back to my male clothes.
At the hospital the doctor asked me…
Did I have a stressful day… yes.
Did I have any soda, coffee or tea… yes
Did I have any alcohol… yes
Did I smoke any marijuana… yes
Did I take any other drugs… no
He said that I was stressed out, over stimulated and dehydrated and they wanted me to stay over night for observation.
That night in the emergency room staring at the ceiling all night, I realized that life was too short and that I wasn’t going to hide any more. A few months later I went to my first support group meeting.
Epilog: I was diagnosed with a form of an arrhythmia where I sometimes get two beats for one. They said sometime about short circuit with the nerves and I take a beta blocker for it. It is usually under control, but sometimes I can feel my heart skip a beat when I’m stressed or dehydrated. It can be a little unnerving sometimes.
The day started off just like any other day, but in the afternoon I got into a shouting match with my boss in the hallway at work. He wanted me to step up the testing of a product that we had in the test department so that we could ship out the system on schedule. I was telling him that we can’t because all the parts were not in house yet and the conversation got rather heated (it turned out that the parts did come in and we shipped it on schedule). That night when I got home from work I mowed the lawn in the 90+ heat. After I finished mowing the lawn, I had some strong tea (a lot of caffeine) during dinner. After dinner I had a chocolate cake (Pepperidge Farm’s Death by Chocolate), a beer and smoked a joint while watching the Red Socks game.
While I was watching the game I started feeling light headed, like I was going to faint. I checked my pulse and it was rapidly going thump, thump, thump…… thump…… thump…… thump, thump. It was very erratic and it was 147 beats per minute and pausing.
Between the time that I called 911 and the ambulance came, I changed from Diana back to my male clothes.
At the hospital the doctor asked me…
Did I have a stressful day… yes.
Did I have any soda, coffee or tea… yes
Did I have any alcohol… yes
Did I smoke any marijuana… yes
Did I take any other drugs… no
He said that I was stressed out, over stimulated and dehydrated and they wanted me to stay over night for observation.
That night in the emergency room staring at the ceiling all night, I realized that life was too short and that I wasn’t going to hide any more. A few months later I went to my first support group meeting.
Epilog: I was diagnosed with a form of an arrhythmia where I sometimes get two beats for one. They said sometime about short circuit with the nerves and I take a beta blocker for it. It is usually under control, but sometimes I can feel my heart skip a beat when I’m stressed or dehydrated. It can be a little unnerving sometimes.
Take care of your heart. My honey had a heart attack in November and bypass surgery in December.
ReplyDeleteFortunately, she is doing quite well now.
Also, I really have been enjoying all your recent blog entries!