My Story Part 89 – Superwoman

A couple of weeks ago I started to get a panic attack… I didn’t know why after almost eleven years I should be getting one now. I use to get two or three a year before I transitioned from the stress of living two lives, but why am I getting one now?

I laid down on the couch and put on my mp3 player and listened to the Eagles. While I was relaxing I was trying to think of what was stressing me out (of course that in itself was stressful). I was planning for the weekend with the gang up at the cottage and thinking… did I do this, did I get that, I have to do that, etc. But I also realized that it was much more than the weekend trip, it was all of those little grains of sand that was piling up.

Looking at my calendar I have meetings one or two nights a week and for two weekends in September I am committed to helping out. I’m planning a fashion show, a seminar on the new non-discrimination legislation, the trans health and law conference, the NASW conference and then there are the CTAC Board meetings and the Hartford Commission on LGBT Issues meetings. At the Hartford Pride on Sept. 17, I will be working at two booths. Today I had a meeting this morning and I have a meeting for lunch. In addition, I am also going to be supervising an intern and the supervisory meetings are on Wednesday’s morning. And to top that off, I was planning on become a Board member of CABO.

I wanted to go up to my brother’s in Maine for a few days and I was thinking where can I fit that in, then it dawned on me… there was no “Me Time.” Even through my days are boring, I have a hectic schedule at night which was what was stressing me out.

A friend once told me that we burn out our leaders and now I see what she meant, so now I’m going to cut back and find some time to go out with friends and get up to my brother’s sometime this fall. I am going to have to learn to say no.