I Think The Answer Is Very Obvious

Transphobia/Homophobia is the answer as to why we are getting murdered.

It is because they cannot accept the fact that they are gay, so they hide their gayness by dating pre-op trans women who can pass. They think that they are not gay but then the transphobia/homophobia starts to creep in or one of their friends finds out that they are dating a trans woman and then the violence takes over.

Why Straight Men Kill The Trans Women They Love
"Bigotry is rarely as simple as we’d like to believe."
NewNowNext
By Jen Richards
May 23, 2017


My heart was beating a little faster as I walked down the hotel hallway. I had done this plenty of times before, but Mark’s voice had betrayed a different kind of nervous energy than I was accustomed to. There was an edge to it.

I’m often the first trans woman a guy has been with. I’m white, passable, easy-going, confident, and a strict bottom—for the most part, I’m just a hot chick they get to have anal sex with. I’ve come to enjoy first-timers. It’s my specialty. I like their innocent anxiousness, the relief that washes over them when they see me and realize I’m even more attractive than they hoped. I know how to put them at ease, get them excited, make sure we both have a good time, and inevitably leave them hooked. I pride myself on being a kind of ambassador to trans sex.

For me it’s about much more than sex, though.

What I’m really seeking is affirmation of my womanhood, and this is the most available means of doing it. No one is more anxious about their sexuality that straight cis men, no one more frightened of being labeled “gay.” This is especially true for first-timers. Hooking up with them is like handling a volatile explosive—and I like the rush. I need that intensity. It’s the only thing that keeps the din of self-doubt and self-loathing at bay. Their wanting me is the proof I need of who I am.

That is the most dangerous time for us when the guilt and homophobia kicks in.

Women like Mercedes Williamson, a 17-year old trans girl living in Alabama. When her body was found in Mississippi, bludgeoned to death with a hammer, Joshua Vallum was tied to the crime. He originally told police that he only discovered Williamson was transgender when he put his hands down her pants, and that he blacked out and didn’t remember killing her. It was only later that it came out the two had been dating. After their relationship ended, when a friend of Vallum’s found out that Williamson was trans, that he went to kill her. Vallum was a member of the Latin Kings, which forbids homosexual acts, and he was afraid word would get out.

I don’t have much to say because we all know it is dangerous for us out there. I don’t care with whom you have sex with or why as long as you are both adults and above the age of consent. What I have a problem with is society that tries to marginalize and demonize us that creates hate and transphobia/homophobia.

Cosmopolitan has an article about dating…

8 dating struggles you only know if you're trans

1. Being seen as a fetish is so tiring
A LOT of the time, people just want to have sex with transgender people because it’s some sort of fetish for them. The majority of us don’t want to be seen as a fetish and want to be loved and respected like EVERY. OTHER. PERSON.
[…]
4. It’s frustrating when sex is the only thing on our date's mind
Sex with trans women seems to fascinate the (majority of) men we go on first dates with. It'd be nice if sometimes we could go on a date where sex isn’t on the radar. We’re the same as everyone else: just because you’re dating a trans woman doesn’t mean sex is automatically at the top of the agenda.
[…]
6. We see so much fear of homosexuality
We’ve come across many men who can't understand that dating or liking a transgender woman doesn't change their sexuality. Many guys are (wrongly) afraid of liking trans women as they think this somehow means they won’t be thought of as straight.

7. Lack of openness drives us mad
There’s nothing more disheartening than when a guy goes out with us, enjoys our company, but then says he can’t tell his family he’s dating a trans woman. This is something we witness all too often.

One time I was on a panel with a group of lesbians, one of them said she is totally supportive of trans people, that she considers herself as an ally. Somebody in the audience (which was mostly women) asked if she would date a trans woman and her answer was that she only dates “women.” She had no idea what she just said was transphobic, that she is not an ally for trans people if she doesn’t recognize  us as the women or men that we truly are.

I didn’t get a chance to answer since time ran out and there was another workshop waiting to come in but if I had I would have called her out on it.