My Story Part 95 – Fantasia Fair

Every year on the third week of October there is an exodus to the tip of Cape Cod, where not the largest, but the oldest trans conference called Fantasia Fair is held. This year once again I am taking part in it. In 2000 I went to my first Fantasia Fair, at that time I was not out to anyone, not my family and not to my friends. I had to tell white lies about where I was going, so I told everyone that I was going to Boston to a computer conference or to my brother’s. Of course one lie lead to another, I wrote this in my diary…

October 12th
It’s getting closer to the Fantasia Fair, but as it does I have to lie to Mom and Dad and I hate it! I don’t really like it and I might not go to another event, this makes me feel so bad lying to them. This is really downer. It’s not like when I use to smoke pot, because I didn’t have to come up with complicated lies, only just smoke it. This on the other hand evolves two lies, one at work - I’m going up to my brothers to help on his house and the other for family - I’m going to a computer show in Boston. Well, where in Boston , who’s going, what are you going to see, how do we get in touch with you, etc. etc…. “Oh, what a tangle web we weave when at first we do deceive… “ or however Shakespeare said it.

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October 17th
Another white lie last night, R [my brother] called and asked about my trip to Boston. I’m torn between wanting to go to Provincetown, but I hate all these lies. I have to think of a way to at least come out of the closet to R and D [my sister-in-law], but I worry about the consequence. I’m off to P’town, I made the commitment, so now I have to live with the outcome. Hopefully no more lies and that I will have a good time there and not worrying about Mom and Dad finding out.

One of the things that came out of this was I bought a cell phone. My parents wanted a phone number where they can contact me in an emergency and I didn’t want to give them a Provincetown area code phone number, so a friend let me give them her cell phone number and I came up with another lie… it was too expensive to use the hotel phone.

When I got to Provincetown, I felt euphoric; I was going to be “Diana” for four whole days (I went for only four days, not the whole week). I was nervous, excited, scared and eagerly looking forward to fair. Fantasia Fair is not like other conferences when it the conference is in only one hotel, it is spread all over town, you have to go out in public to go from one workshop to another. I wrote in my diary…

Feeling good (a little to many rum & cokes) had a great time. We [I shared a room with a friend] arrived around two o’clock and move into our room. We then went down into town to have lunch at the “Stormy Harbor”. It was a trip to watch the tourist watching us. I was very nervous at first but I got over it and started to enjoy myself. After lunch we went to the Provincetown Reservations to sign up for the week’s entertainment. We signed up for all of the evening shows and the Banquet on Saturday night. We then walked around town and checked out the stores. It was fun watching the tourist when they figured out that we were guys, the expressions that they had on their faces. They were mostly seniors who came in for the day on busses.

You could hear them announce over the bus PA system as they drove by…”This week is Fantasia Fair, where all the transsexual and crossdresser come for the week!” and when I looked up the bus windows were filled with gray hair people looking out.

We went to the fashion show that night at the Vixen. On the way to the show it poured, I was dressed in a skirt and twin set, lucky I had an umbrella. This time the show lasted longer than the cabaret. J [a friend from the Connecticut Outreach Society] and her friends were there after the show and we hung around the bar for a while. T [the friend that I was sharing the room with] met some of her friends from last year. I left around midnight.
[…the next day]
After dinner we walked to the Universalist Church for a concert. It was a piano and cello concert and the pianist is well renowned and teaches at the New York University School of Music and the Manhattan School of Music and has presented master classes at the Boston and Peabody Conservatories. She is also a transsexual. After the concert we went to the Vixen for cocktails.
[…]
All good things must come to an end. We packed up, had breakfast, said our good-byes and headed back to Connecticut. I had an excellent time. Would I go back, YES.

During the fair, it was the first time that I felt rain on my stockings, it was the first time that I was “Diana” for more than one night. They have a workshop at the end of conference called, “Lost in the Pink Fog”

You finally made it to Provincetown, and Fantasia Fair was the most fabulous experience of your life. You're pumped up, full of new self-confidence and unable to think about anything but expressing yourself in your preferred gender role. Back at home, the world seems drab and you chafe at having to hide part of yourself from your family, friends, and co-workers. You want to burst forth, heedless of consequences, and proclaim yourself to the world, and you think you just might. Congratulations. You're in the pink fog. The pink fog (blue fog for FTMs) is the state of euphoria we experience when we take our gender expression to a new level. It's a dangerous time to make decisions, and yet a time when we most want to. Come hear Trankila talk about the pink fog with those in attendance and suggestions on how to find your way out of it. Highly recommended for first timers

I wrote in my diary…

It has been six days since the Fantasia Fair. Some thoughts on the week, it was hard, well not hard but different, going back to work. I was walking down the hall at work when somebody called “Diana”, for one of our secretaries, I almost stopped and replied. Also, up in P’town I got use to carrying a pocketbook, now I start to look for it when I get up. It was total girl mode, the only male thing that I did was shave. You get deeper girl mode and it does affect your psyche. I liked it.

I have made many friends at “FF” and that is one reason I keep going back. I used to attend all the workshops on make-up and fashion, now I just usually go to the Keynote Address. This year they have some good speakers that I want to hear, Dr. Richard Docter, Monica Helms and Kelley Winters. And they also are having a dune tour and a winery tour which I am attending; in addition they have a whale watch boat trip. Plus, I will have my camera with me and will be taking a couple of photo trips around the cape.

This year I am going to be giving a workshop…

Grassroots Organizing and Forming a Coalition
Diana
This workshop will provide methods to organize the Trans-Community to help pass legislation and to help influence policy decisions. The workshop will cover:

Forming the Core Group/ Planning Committee - its composition and diversity
Building a coalition - how to get other organization involved in trans-issues
Developing a grassroots base - how to reach out to the community and get them involved
Funding - grants, fundraisers and donations & incorporating as a 501(c)(3)

It will be nice to see all the familiar faces again and to catch up on what they have been doing the last couple of years. This year I will not be staying in Provincetown but down in North Eastam at a friend’s cottage that I am renting and sharing with some friends. it is a whole lot cheaper than staying in P’town.