There is something called lateral hostility and it is common in marginalized community when some people try to distance themselves from the community. Here is parts of a blog that I wrote back in 2013,
Have you ever heard someone say that you are not really transsexual unless you have surgery? They think that only they are true transsexuals everyone else are only “transvestites” and they also refuse to use the name “crossdresser.”
Back in March there was an article about it,
Lateral Hostility and the Transgender WomanWe see lateral hostility in almost all oppressed groups; it is not unique to the trans-community*. In gay and lesbian communities we see it; those who can assimilate into the general population look down on those who display stereotypical gay and lesbian characteristics. People in oppressed community try to separate themselves from the community or from the more identifiable members of the community.
Info Barrel
By m_spicer
March 1, 2013
Are you a transgender women who has experienced hostility from the transgender community? I would dare to say that a lot of transgender women have been the victim of bullying and pigeonholing into the brutally enforced “hierarchy” of transgender women through cyber-bullying, ostrification and deadly gossip. I use the word deadly because I believe that this behaviour is directly related to the skyrocketing transgender suicide rate. We don't we just add to the suffering and feeling of isolation that most of us feel. Some of us take their own lives; could this hostility among trans women be a factor? Perhaps something to think about the next time someone is being persecuted by our very own. We are doing it too ourselves people! It has to stop if we are going to get anywhere in society as a group of oppressed people. I asked my doctor about this phenomenon and he simply relied “it's called lateral violence”; he continued “when a group of people are singled out and ridiculed in society and have no place to put the anger and frustration they feel so they put it on the closest people to them who are on the same social rung as themselves".
The article goes on to say,
There are some key characteristics of lateral hostility that you can watch out for:*Community: in this case I use the word in a sociological sense, where a group of people have cultural, religious, ethnic, or other characteristics in common. You do not need to feel a member of the community, you are part of the community because you share a characteristics in common, we are all trans.
- We repeat our oppression by oppressing those around us. Often being harsher on ourselves than our oppressors ever were.
- We intensely focus on the negative in another person or group. Pieces of information about you can be twisted into some negative, fear based, conclusions. Once you have been labelled “bad”, “wrong” or even better “your actually trans-phobic!” then the attack can begin.
- Collective cooperation is a key element in lateral violence. A number of transgender people will work together to attack and undermine another person or group.
Hi Diana.
ReplyDeleteAbout time to feature one of your posts on T-Central. I found this one quite interesting, to say the least.
Thanks for sharing!
Calie xx
Thanks for the shout out! :)
ReplyDeleteThere's certainly truth in this. Some trans people I know do seem to have the precise status of other trans people very much on their minds - generally saying that 'they can't be serious, they (if MTF) are not making the right effort to be feminine, they are not pushing for surgery, so they can't really be trans at all, just crossdressing' - and so on. The same people commonly want to distance themselves from any trans person who doesn't pass well because of appearance or voice problems.
ReplyDeletePersonally I think this is understandable but very cruel, and not very perceptive. The last thing a trans person wants is to be undermined by another trans person. especially if their are reasons for being content with a slow progression, such as wanting to keep a cherished relationship together, or a need to build up funds, reasons that may be hard to discuss.
Who indeed is the more vulnerable? The person who doesn't yet pass properly, but somehow lives with it; or the one who passes very well when on their own, but is fearful of exposure by association whenever in trans company? Two different, but related, kinds of hell. They ought to be helping each other, not shunning each other.
Many consider that you can't do 'stealth' and mix with other trans persons unless they, like yourself, are undetectable. Surely this isn't quite right. Ordinary (i.e, natal) women often involve themselves in official groups that cater for the needs of local trans people, perhaps as counsellors, or as facilitators offering a welcome to newcomers and some practical assistance; to say nothing of female carers who accompany trans people with special needs around, or push them in wheelchairs. So if ordinary women CAN be publicly seen with trans persons, why can't 'advanced' trans women, commonly post-op, do the same? No doubt they might get taken for care workers or helpers, but does that matter? It would not, if they truly had acquired a full sense of being naturally female. I suspect that for all their snootiness, the harpies who criticise have wobbly self-confidence, and may have more work to do on themselves. And indeed I know one or two persons who are quick to purse their lips at less-accomplished sisters, but could themselves do with a bit more polishing. They have reached a high plateau, but have become complacent when they should never let up in the quest for perfection. An impossible quest, of course, but the striving needs to go on, and a time for speaking loftily never comes, not if you are honest.
Lucy
There's certainly truth in this. Some trans people I know do seem to have the precise status of other trans people very much on their minds - generally saying that 'they can't be serious, they (if MTF) are not making the right effort to be feminine, they are not pushing for surgery, so they can't really be trans at all, just crossdressing' - and so on. The same people commonly want to distance themselves from any trans person who doesn't pass well because of appearance or voice problems.
ReplyDeletePersonally I think this is understandable but very cruel, and not very perceptive. The last thing a trans person wants is to be undermined by another trans person. especially if their are reasons for being content with a slow progression, such as wanting to keep a cherished relationship together, or a need to build up funds, reasons that may be hard to discuss.
Who indeed is the more vulnerable? The person who doesn't yet pass properly, but somehow lives with it; or the one who passes very well when on their own, but is fearful of exposure by association whenever in trans company? Two different, but related, kinds of hell. They ought to be helping each other, not shunning each other.
Many consider that you can't do 'stealth' and mix with other trans persons unless they, like yourself, are undetectable. Surely this isn't quite right. Ordinary (i.e, natal) women often involve themselves in official groups that cater for the needs of local trans people, perhaps as counsellors, or as facilitators offering a welcome to newcomers and some practical assistance; to say nothing of female carers who accompany trans people with special needs around, or push them in wheelchairs. So if ordinary women CAN be publicly seen with trans persons, why can't 'advanced' trans women, commonly post-op, do the same? No doubt they might get taken for care workers or helpers, but does that matter? It would not, if they truly had acquired a full sense of being naturally female. I suspect that for all their snootiness, the harpies who criticise have wobbly self-confidence, and may have more work to do on themselves. And indeed I know one or two persons who are quick to purse their lips at less-accomplished sisters, but could themselves do with a bit more polishing. They have reached a high plateau, but have become complacent when they should never let up in the quest for perfection. An impossible quest, of course, but the striving needs to go on, and a time for speaking loftily never comes, not if you are honest.
Lucy
Lucy, you make some really good points.
ReplyDeleteThose who feel that CD's are pervs and anyone who transitions after age 29 is just a CD without "his" bits, get my rage. They are out there, and we all know some of them.
But, those who have transitioned and want to remain stealth do worry about guilt by association. I know this first-hand and I have very mixed emotions on this subject.
I have a very close friend who I helped through her transition from the beginning. I walked hand-in-hand with her, as the male, to give her confidence in public even though she didn't pass. Now, she is absolutely gorgeous and no one has a clue of her past. When I asked her if she would do the same for me, should I finally begin transition.....well, I never did get a straight answer, which I interpreted as "NFW". This almost destroyed a very strong and deep friendship. I just cried and cried, but I do try to understand her point. I don't think she will ever know just how much this hurt me.
Calie