That is how long it has been since I transitioned, it has been so long ago that it is all a haze now. The worrying, the crying, the roller coaster, it is all just a faded memory now.
What I do remember is thinking “Is that all there is?” my transition went so smoothly that I felt guilty when in the support groups I heard all the horror stories that made me fear for the worst, losing my family and friends, losing my job, being a social pariah, none of that happened. But for me things went smoothly, my family accepted me, and maybe because I had already been living as Diana except for work it was easy to slip into being "Diana" full time.
So what does the future look like?
I wish I knew, but one thing that I do know whatever happens will happen and I will do it as Diana.
So why did I wait almost until I sixty year to transition?
I was afraid is the simple answer.
I was afraid of being disowned by my parents and family. I was afraid of losing my job and I was afraid that I would be all alone.
It wasn’t until I saw other trans people were living a “normal” life, they had family, they had friends, and most important they had jobs. So I planned on transitioning when I retired at 59 ½ when I could live off of my retirement accounts and become a hermit if I had to (Ha... was I wrong. My life has expanded in unbelievable directions, I would never have guessed I would be where I am today.).
But it was also the fact that I didn’t think I was transsexual; I thought that I was a crossdresser and it was all about the clothes but after a couple of years in the support group I realized it was more than just the clothes. That it was more of an internal feeling of contentment when I was Diana.
It was also because I was going out in public with the support group and the world didn’t end, most people didn’t care about me being trans.
And it was a medical problem that kicked me in the ass to motivate me to transition. I thought I was having a heart attack and it was then I realized life was too short and that we only get one chance in life.
Some people celebrate the day as their birthday, the day of their rebirth but for me it is just a day that my life changed from the way I knew it. And it was for the better.
What I do remember is thinking “Is that all there is?” my transition went so smoothly that I felt guilty when in the support groups I heard all the horror stories that made me fear for the worst, losing my family and friends, losing my job, being a social pariah, none of that happened. But for me things went smoothly, my family accepted me, and maybe because I had already been living as Diana except for work it was easy to slip into being "Diana" full time.
So what does the future look like?
I wish I knew, but one thing that I do know whatever happens will happen and I will do it as Diana.
So why did I wait almost until I sixty year to transition?
I was afraid is the simple answer.
I was afraid of being disowned by my parents and family. I was afraid of losing my job and I was afraid that I would be all alone.
It wasn’t until I saw other trans people were living a “normal” life, they had family, they had friends, and most important they had jobs. So I planned on transitioning when I retired at 59 ½ when I could live off of my retirement accounts and become a hermit if I had to (Ha... was I wrong. My life has expanded in unbelievable directions, I would never have guessed I would be where I am today.).
But it was also the fact that I didn’t think I was transsexual; I thought that I was a crossdresser and it was all about the clothes but after a couple of years in the support group I realized it was more than just the clothes. That it was more of an internal feeling of contentment when I was Diana.
It was also because I was going out in public with the support group and the world didn’t end, most people didn’t care about me being trans.
And it was a medical problem that kicked me in the ass to motivate me to transition. I thought I was having a heart attack and it was then I realized life was too short and that we only get one chance in life.
Some people celebrate the day as their birthday, the day of their rebirth but for me it is just a day that my life changed from the way I knew it. And it was for the better.
pariah not piranha - Happy Anniversary!
ReplyDeleteWhat does one say, congratulations!Glad you are still here and still kicking up a storm and glad that I met you along the way. Let me add a big thank you for being Diana and helping others along the way. Your work is so valuable for all of us in the LGBTQI community.
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