Monday, February 12, 2007

What Would You Do?

I was just reading a blog written by a spouse whose husband is slowly slipping towards transitioning. They are both deeply in love and do not want their marriage to end, but all the signs are there that he will transition. Whether he will go on hormones and have surgery remains to be seen. She on the other hand I think would stay with him only if he didn’t go on hormones. It is sad to see because from what I see in their eyes I know they love each other, but I can also see the agony.
What would you do if your spouse or partner came to you and told you that they had been living a lie, that they felt that they were really a woman or man inside?
Would you stay by you spouse or partner, for better or worst? Would you run as fast as you can? Would you still love each other? Would you remain as friends?
This couple that I know, I don’t think she would mind what people thought, but she has said that she is not a lesbian and wouldn’t stay married if he had the surgery. She would stay married if he just lived as a female but with out hormones. They are now being mistaking for a lesbian couple and have a hard time showing affection in public like they use to be able to do. They ride the train a lot and they use to sleep on each other’s shoulder but now if they do it they get stares. Or if they hold hands walking down the street, the kids chant “Lesbos” she says that she doesn’t mind because she knows he still has all his male parts intact and that is what counts for her.
I have seen spouses throw out there spouse and feel betrayed. I have seen spouses stay married and I have seen them divorce but stay close friends. I have seen lesbians couples stay together and get married; I have seen lesbian couples break apart.
There are never any winners, you just have to make the best the hand that you were dealt.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

I can imagine that it would be terribly difficult for each partner, and for different reasons. If you love someone, you want them to be who they really are and you want them to be happy.

I also think that you love the person for who they are are the inside. But if you aren't physically attracted to a woman, what are you to do? It's a heartbreaking situation really. I'd just have to say follow your heart and do the best that you can for both you and your partner.