Shop Till You Drop

As many of you know I am the Director of a support group, well we asked our members “What do you want?” and the answer came back “a shopping trip”. So another Board member and I put together a “Shopping Trip” to Northampton MA. and we said we would meet at a commuter parking lot off of I-91. So we waited and we waited and nobody else showed up, so the two of us went shopping.
First stop was an alterative bookstore where I bought two books, “Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws” by Kate Bornstein and “Transgender Rights” edited by Currah, Juang and Minter. After the bookstore we wandered up and down Main St. stopping at several shops along the way. I bought a white embroidered gauze top (Fantasia Fair is having a “Sixties Dance” and I figured I would wear that top, a teal tiered broomstick skirt, a scarf around my head and love beads). My friend spotted a maroon spaghetti strap dress with a slit up one side is a store window. We went to dinner at the Northampton Brewery and while we were eating she said she had to back to try on the dress. So after dinner we marched back up the hill to the store and she tried on the dress, she looked fantastic in it. So she bought it and all the way back to the commuter parking she kept saying she couldn’t believe how much she spent on the dress, that was more than she paid for her daughters high school prom dress.
Well we did shop until we dropped, now I am going to take a nice long hot bath.

Saturday Six - Episode 129

From Patrick’s Weekender blog

1. You're arranging to move. If money were no object, would you hire movers to come in and pack your belongings as well as drive them, or would you prefer to do the packing yourself?
I would have them pack everything up. We just sold my parents house and it was no fun packing up and moving everything to my house and than latter moving everything up to the cottage. Also I do not have a strong back.

2. Of the new shows that have premiered so far this season, which were you most looking forward to seeing?
Didn't watch one new show nor do I intend to.

3. Did the show live up to your expectations?
I watched the CSI shows and Dr Who. Yes they were all good

4. Take the quiz: What type of lunatic are you?
Naw, none of the questions I could relate to.

5. What habit of yours would you say is the craziest?
I don’t have any..... but other might think so ;-)

6. What do you own more of: VHS Tapes, CDs, DVDs or Books?
Books by a long shot, next come VHS Tapes.

Five on Friday

Chicken Soup for the Friday Fiver's Soul

1. How often do you usually get sick each year?
So far since the beginning of the year I have taken four sick days.

2. Which is worse to catch: a cold or the flu?
The flu! A cold is not even a close second.

3. Do you plan to get a flu shot? Why or why not?
Yes, see number 2’s answer

4. What are your favorite home remedies for cold and flu symptoms?
For a cold get plenty of rest, drink a lot of fluids that are high in Vitamin C (Cranberry juice, apple cider, lemonade, etc.) and for the flu take Advil to bring down the fever.

5. When you're sick do you take "sick days" or do you force yourself to continue working?
I have a bit of the martyr syndrome in me, so when I take off from work you know I am SICK!



What are all these questions about being sick?

Friday Five:

Friday Five: Groups

And speaking of groups...

1. Tell us about any group(s) you currently belong to. (e.g. book club, knitting circle, walking buddies, etc.)
Yikes! Do I belong to groups! Well the first group that I belong to is the Connecticut Outreach Society which is a social/support group and I am the Executive Director of the organization. Tomorrow we are taking a shopping trip up to Northampton MA.
The next group I stop by and visit now and then is the Twenty Club.
Followed by Unity up in Springfield MA and I usually drop by and visit them once a month or so.
I am also on the Board of Directors of the Connecticut Trans Advocacy Coalition. We help transpeople find housing, jobs, medical help and legal aide.
Still more to come.....
I am on the Planning Committee for the True Colors Conference for GLBT Youth
And lastly (for now) I am on the Advisory Committee for the Trans Health Conference being held this spring at the University of Connecticut School of Medicine.
Whew!

2. Do you feel energized or drained by being in a group situation? If the answer is "it depends," on what does it depend?
Naw! Just kidding, yes I feel empowered, I feel that I am doing something that maybe will make the lives of the next generation of GLBT youth easier.

3. Is there a role you naturally find yourself playing in group situations? That is, do you naturally fall into the leader role, or the one who always makes sure the new person feels welcome, or the quiet one who sits back and lets others shine, or the host?
I just sit there and don’t say a word.
I don’t think you believe that for a second, no I take an active part and end up volunteering to help out even more.

4. Handshakes vs. hugs: discuss.
I don’t know why but the MtF trans-community always wants to hug one another, it is like our secret signal. You step into a room and everyone wants to hug you, you go out of the room for a few minutes and they want to hug you come back into the room.

5. Ice breakers: a playful way to build community in a lighthearted manner, or a complete and utter hell of forced fun and awkwardness?
From an engineering manager background, I just want to get down to business. At the True Colors committees they do that all the time. It has it good points and bad points.

Bonus: If you answered "playful and lighthearted," share your favorite ice breaker.
At the last True Colors committee meeting we had to put an adjective in front of your name and then repeat everyone’s name and adjective before you. Mine was Dynamic Diana

FOUR FOR FRIDAY

From Belicove blog

Q1 - Sleep: When was the last time you pulled an all-nighter, and why? If you can't recall, then where's the most embarrassing place you've ever fallen asleep?
Back in my college days some 32 years ago. However, I have worked occasionally third shift when we were running a test, but I did sleep before and after work.

Q2 - Trust: Who do trust the most, or in what order would you rank your level of trust for each of the following: Clergy, Teachers, Police, Doctors, Print Journalists, Bankers, TV Newscasters, Scientists, Lawyers, Members of Congress, and Stockbrokers?
Doctors – my life depends upon them
Scientists
Police
Teachers
Print Journalists
Stockbrokers
Bankers
TV Newscasters
Clergy
Lawyers
Members of Congress – even though I am helping out on a campaign for the US Senate race, I believe he is the lesser if the two eveils

Q3 - Sick: When you’re sick, do you prefer to be left alone or do you like to have someone attending to your every whim and desire?
Sick, like I am now? I would rather be left along to suffer in peace so I can just curl up in bed and sleep.

Q4 - Sidekick: If you could pick any cartoon character to be your very own personal assistant, who would you pick and why?
No cartoon character stands out to me since I don’t follow the comics, but if I had to pick it would be the mother in “For Better or Worst”

Update

I am slowly coming back to the land of the living, I went to work for the first time in two days and came home afterwards and crashed. Right now I still have a stuffed up sinuses along with a sinus headache so it is back to bed.
Once I feel better I will catch up on all the quizzes.

g’nite all

Thursday's Poem

The Word Not Spoken

The word said,
means commitment.

The word said,
means obligations.

The word said,
means duty.

The word said,
is a milestone

The word said,
is another stone in the foundation.

The word said,
is a fork in the road taken.

The word said,
closes the door behind and opens the door in front.

The word said,
burns the bridges.

The word said,
can never be unsaid.

I am a ...

This poem comes to mind because in a little over a week I have to speak the words again. This time to my cousin and once you say the words you can’t say “I was only joking!” Once you say the words your life is forever changed and you must deal with whatever the consequences are.
And it’s the waiting that kills you, the anticipation. You can only hope for the best and plan for the worst.

I Got a Cold!

I hate colds!
I got this one from work, one of my technicians sons got it at day care, gave it to Daddy, who gave it to the shop.
Hopefully this will be my one and only cold of the season.

Manic Monday

From Manic Monday Blog....

Pressure

What is the greatest source of stress in your life?
Work. Only one more year to go before retirement!

How do you deal with tension on a day-to-day basis? Cry, hide, yell?
I try not to let it bother me, why worry over what you don’t have control over.

What do you find to be the best way to wind down after a tough day?
Photography, reading, doing these silly little memes, taking a long hot bath, going out to dinner with some friends, etc

Sunday Seven - Episode 56

From Patrick's Weekender Blog


Name up to seven magazines that you either have subscribed to, currently subscribe to, or would subscribe to if money were no object.

1. PC Photo
2. Yankee
3. Science News
4. National Geographic
5. Time/Newsweek
6. New Yorker
7. PC World

It is not so much about money as it is about time.

What Sex Am I?

That is a name of a 70’s documentary about transsexual, but it also applies to Intersexed persons. Here is an article that I came across in the Amherst Times...

WHAT IF IT'S (SORT OT) A BOY AND (SORT OF) A GIRL?

.... In the last several years, the Intersex Society has formed an active speakers’ bureau, and at Cook County Hospital in Chicago, after Chase addressed the genetic counselors, a young woman stood up to speak. A 20-year-old DePaul student, she was very pretty, in a chunky necklace, floral shirt and hiphugger jeans. “I found out last year I was intersex; I was in my freshman women’s studies class,” the young woman, who asked not to be identified in this article, said. Her professor was lecturing about various intersex conditions and started describing the symptoms — “No periods, can’t have children, ambiguous genitals. I called my mom, and I said: ‘What’s it called? What do I have?’ ” It turned out she has partial-androgen-insensitivity syndrome, a phenomenon in which fetuses with male chromosomes (XY) can’t properly metabolize male hormones and are born looking mostly like girls. “When she said the name I threw the phone across the room and started crying. I cried for like a week.”.....

..... The young woman continued speaking, her story raw and captivating. “I grew up a girl. I was always a tomboy, I wrestled, I played softball. I had bladder problems when I was a kid, and when I went in to have my urethra fixed” — at age 3 — “they decided to give me a vaginoplasty and also a clitoridectomy,” that is, surgically reshape the vagina and reduce the size of her clitoris. “When I finally learned all this, I spent a lot of time staring in the mirror” — she pressed her hands flat against her cheeks and stretched her skin of her face back toward her ears — “going: ‘Do I look like a boy? Do I look like a boy?’ Now I think being intersex is pretty weird but kind of sweet. I just wish someone had given me the tools to be able to talk about it.”.....

..... Among the arguments against genital surgery is the fact that sexual identity does not derive solely, or perhaps even primarily, from a person’s genitals. As Eric Vilain, professor of human genetics, pediatrics and urology at U.C.L.A., has shown, many genetic markers go into making a person male or female, and those markers affect many parts of the body. In studies of mice, he has found 54 genes that work differently in male and female brains just 10 days after conception. In humans, we’ve all been taught, and we’d like to believe, that being male or female is as a simple as having XY or XX chromosomes, but it is not. Even the International Olympic Committee acknowledged this when it suspended its practice of mandatory chromosomal testing for female athletes in 2000, reflecting current medical understanding that a female who tests positive for a Y chromosome can still be a woman.....

I think this article is important for two reasons.
First, assigning gender at birth for intersexed persons is wrong! To perform surgery on a person because they do not conform to our ideas of what is normal is just totally wrong, let them decide.
Second, some of our more conservative states and the federal government have or are trying to pass laws that say a marriage is between a man and a woman. They are also trying to define what is male and female, as the above article points out, nature does not like to be defined.
I urge you to read the whole article is very interesting.

~Happy Fall Y'all~

By the way Sunday...

What are 5 things that you enjoy most about this time of year?

Hmmm....
1. The change in seasons
2. The fairs
3. Thanksgiving
4. The cool weather
5. Hiking

The Friday Five

Someone's in the kitchen...

# Given a choice, and imagining that money and time were no object, would you rather cook dinner, eat out or order in?
I like cooking, but I like also eating out, so it is a toss-up between those two. Order-in is a last resort for me.
Maybe that has something to do with my doctor always telling to lose weight.

# What is the most elaborate meal you've ever prepared yourself or purchased at a restaurant?
Veal Saltim Bocca, Corn Pudding and Rice Pilaf and for the recipes go here.

# What food do you find yourself making and/or eating way too much?
Pasta, hands down

# What was your most disastrous cooking/eating out experience?
Oh, that is an easy one. I tried making Lobster Ravioli with Newburg Sauce, it was a disaster. The pasta for the ravioli must have been a quarter in thick and I ended up just eating the filling.

# Would you rather cook for someone else or have them cook for you?
I would rather cook.

Saturday Six - Episode 127

From Patrick's Weekender Blog

1. You find out that you've just gotten a new job in a different state. Which room of your home will be the most difficult to get packed and why?
Can I say the whole house? But if I have to pick just one, it would be the basement, because it is the room with the most stuff that I will have to pack.

2. Which room is most likely to contain the greatest number of items that you should throw away, but haven't, yet?
My bedroom or more specifically the closet, it is a mess.

3. What is your single greatest strength and single greatest weakness if you were to enter the dating scene tomorrow?
My greatest strength, I think, is me being trans. It gives me a different view on life, a boarder prospective. My greatest weakness is me being trans, it certainly narrows the field.

4. Take the quiz: What are your dating strengths and weaknesses?

Dating Strengths	Dating Weaknesses
1. Financial Situation - 84.6% 2. Open-Mindedness - 81.8% 3. Independence - 71.4% 4. Spirituality - 61.5% 5. Optimism - 57.1%	1. Insecurity - 69.2% 2. Humorlessness - 62.5% 3. Vanity - 58.3% 4. Appearance - 55.6% 5. Shyness - 54.2%

Dating Strengths Explained
Financial Situation - You've got your financial situation under control, which is a very desirable quality. Be careful to avoid women who are only interested in your money. Open-Mindedness - You are open to trying new things and entertaining new ideas, and this widens your pool of available women. Independence - Your strong sense of independence comes in handy while dating. You are not held back or tied down; you are free to pursue your interests. Spirituality - Your spiritual side brings you peace and balance, and keeps you grounded. This is attractive, as you can help reinforce this quality in other people. Optimism - People are drawn to your positive outlook. Your optimism attracts others to you.
Dating Weaknesses Explained
Insecurity - Your insecurity makes you doubt yourself, but you must learn to love and trust yourself if you want to succeed in dating. Humorlessness - You need to learn how to take a joke, or better yet how to tell a good one. A well-developed sense of humor is high on the list of desired traits for daters. Vanity - Learn to put a lower priority on looks. Appearance is, of course, important, but vanity is undesireable. The only people you will attract are the superficial. Appearance - Devoting a greater effort at making good first impressions is a must. Try to be fit and develop a style if you want to catch a woman's attention. Shyness - You know all too well the limits shyness places on you. Putting yourself out there in social situations may be difficult, but essential to your dating success.
Take the Dating Diversions Latest Online Dating Quiz

5. What's the biggest surprise from this quiz's findings?
I don’t really think that there was any, no great insight.

6. Would you ever go out on a blind date with someone you'd met online if you'd never talked to them through any other method than email?
I think I might, I would definitely go to a public space to meeting them and make sure friends knows about the meeting. A friend is meeting guys through an on-line dating service and she meets them at the Creative Cocktail Hour (see below) where she has friends around her.

State of Texas vs. a former COS member

A former Connecticut Outreach Society’s member is making history.

Transgender gets "poured out" in Texas Court decision -- TG thinking to appeal

Phyllis Frye here -- 21 Sep 2006

I was saddened this morning to hear the judge tell me that while he would grant a change of name for my male-to-female TG client, he would DENY the request for changing the gender marker from M to F on the drivers license.

While sympathetic and kind, the judge felt he did not have the authority to do so. Obviously, he and I disagree on this issue. But it was cordial and NOT a personality or bigotry thing.

This was my second court appearance for my client in this matter. The first appearance was a full three hour hearing with seven exhibits admitted into evidence; about a half hour each of sworn testimony by my TG client, sworn testimony of a medical expert and a police expert via video deposition, and presentation by me; plus about an hour of back and forth with the judge and me addressing his concerns and the three trial briefs that I filed anticipating those concerns. It was all on the record. That occurred three weeks ago with the result being that the judge wished for time to consider the matter.

The judge acknowledged at this morning's hearing that he understood that I had prepared this for an appeal in the event of an adverse ruling by him. He even agreed to delay, at my request, the date of entry of his adverse ruling to give my client time to think things through and time to come up with the funds if she chooses to go for an appeal. We will be back in court in the coming month to enter a few more items, file one more brief and begin the short and exacting appellate time clock.

In layperson terms, the issue for appeal is this: Did the judge abuse his discretionary powers in refusing to rule that for a male-to-female transgendered person, a change of name without a corresponding correction of M to F on the drivers license acts as an incomplete change of name? This is an issue that has been festering since I developed it to use it in the courts beginning in the mid-1980s. The time and subject are overly ripe for appellate review and clear decision.

I am not releasing my client's name nor the judge's name in this email for two reasons:
1. My client still doesn't know what she is going to do. She wants to appeal "for the sake of the community", but is very short on funding.
2. While I disagree with the judge's ruling, the judge was very decent about the entire proceeding and gave me a most excellent and full record for appellate review. He does not deserve to be blasted. Decent people can disagree in a decent manner.

If you wish to help my client go for the appeal, there is a 501c3 fund with a tax number (pending) of 20-2216619, and the foundation name is as follows:

Foundation for Family and Marriage Equality
c/o Nechman, Simoneaux and Frye
2990 Richmond Avenue, Suite 400
Houston, Texas 77098
ATTN: Transgender Appellate Account

Phyllis Frye is a Civil Rights lawyer in Texas and the person that she is representing if a former COS member who moved down to Texas a couple of years ago. Her client is a post-op transsexual (That means she has not had her surgery yet.) but is on hormones.
Here in Connecticut I can legally get the gender designator changed from M to F on my driver license because I am on hormones and I have a letter from my psychiatrist stating that I am a transsexual and that is what they are trying to get in Texas with her appeal.

Creative Cocktail Party

Last night I went to the monthly cocktail hour at an avant-garde art gallery in Hartford called Real Art Ways and as usual a friend has her trusty little camera and snapped this picture of me.

I have been debating whether or not to post my picture. So if you saw it and then you didn’t and now you do, well I am trying to make up my mind. I am rather shy when it comes to posting my mugshot up on the internet.

3X Thursday

From MISSY WILLIAMS - HAIR METAL QUEEN Blog

1. What do you think about this whole Thailand coup thing? Do you think over-throwing a government is just? If there was enough reason to do so, would you help accomplish such a task? Why/why not?
I do not know enough about the topic to form an opinion about the coup in Thailand. I do not know if there was a lot corruption in the government or why there was a coup. Our country was founded with a coup; it all depends upon what the government is like. Here in the US we have means of a peaceful change in government by a process called elections.

2. Iran. What do you think of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and his politics? Aside from his eccentricities, do you really think he's an enemy or is doing bad things? Why/why not?
He is a radical who only believes in one form of government and that is his interpretation of the Koran. Once again I don’t know enough to know if he really is the enemy. Are they only making enough fuel for the power plants, I do not know and I believe that might allow UN inspectors to find out.

3. What do you think about open relationships? Do you think couples who do this are playing with fire, or do you think it can work? Would you ever do it? Why/why not?

I think it is plying with fire. If you take a vow you both should honor it, having an open relationship is asking for trouble. I don’t know how you would keep jealousy out of the relationship.
That said, I do know of a three way partnership. I don’t know how they keep it together, they are all adults and they seem happy with the arrangement.

Bonus Question: Even if you don't do politics, what do you think of the upcoming mid-term elections? Do you think it'll be same ole, same ole, or do you think something siginificant could happen this time around? Why/why not?
I think there will be changes, how much of a change is anyone’s guess. Here in Connecticut there are two Congressional Representative races that are closes where the Republicans might lose their seats. And the Senatorial race is neck and neck between Lieberman and Lamont.
For the 2008 Presidential race I would like to see the Democrats run Senator John Edwards, I think he has a very good chance in wining.

Thursday Threesome

From The Back Porch Blog

::Ice Cream Social::

Onesome: Ice– skating? Yes? No? Rinks? Ponds? No way?
I was never good at skating, my butt used to get too cold from sitting on the ice all the time.

Twosome: Cream– soda? The work of evil scientists or a true pleasure in life?
I love Cream soda and also Root Beer.

Threesome: Social– Are you considered to be a social person? …or are you more likely to not be comfortable with a bunch of people around you? …and wait a moment: how about in a classroom situation? Is that different for you?
I am lousy at small talk and I am nervous in a large crowd. I like to have a bunch of friends around to keep me comfortable, but who doesn’t. When I was in secondary school

FOUR FOR FRIDAY

From Belicove Blog

Q1 - Jewelry: Aside from an engagement ring and/or wedding band, is there a particular piece of jewelry that you wear all the time or most of the time? If so, what is it, who gave it to you, and how long have you had it?
Yes, I have a favorite ring that I got when my mother passed away four years ago.

Q2 - Education: Do you think an undergraduate degree from an elite private college like Harvard, Princeton, or Stanford is worth the cost?
Yes it is worth the cost. I think that it is the networks that you build is what is valuable.

Q3 - Movies: School for Scoundrels, The Science of Sleep, The Guardian, Employee of the Month, Man of the Year, Little Children, Driving Lessons, All the King's Men, The Departed, Marie Antoinette, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, A Good Year, Stranger Than Fiction, Open Season, Fast Food Nation, The Pursuit of Happyness, Deck the Halls, etc. Which movies are you most looking forward to seeing this fall?
I don’t really care for any of this season’s movies. I am not a movie buff.

Q4 - Music: What's the last song you downloaded from the Internet? If you've never downloaded music, what was the last CD you purchased from a store?
I don’t down load songs from the internet and the last CD I bought was Rent. I liked the movie so I went out and bought the CD and the DVD

Thursday's Poem

I wrote this poem in one of my lighter moments, it’s sort of whimsical.

The Abyss
By Diana

You don’t even notice it at first.
But, it’s always pulling, pulling.

You think, I can always turn back.
It’s always pulling.

The ground slopes down, down towards the abyss.
It’s always pulling.

You see it, you try to fight it.
But, it’s always pulling

Pulling you down towards it, you fight it, grabbing at anything.
It’s always pulling, pulling.

You slide towards it, faster and faster.
Pulling.

Just one more time. I know I can stop.
But, it’s pulling.

You reach out.
And pick up the dress.

Sunday Seven - Episode 55

From Patrick's Weekender:

THIS WEEK'S QUESTION:
Take a walk through your kitchen. Come up with at least seven appliances or electric gadgets that you'd hate to be without when you have kitchen duty for any reasonable length of time.

The three most obvious;
1. The refrigerator
2. Stove
3. Microwave
4. Can opener
5. Food processor
6. Peppermill
7. Knives (Does this count?)

Manic Monday

The Rise and Fall

Fall is almost here. How do you feel about that? What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about the season?
I love the fall with its bright colors, cool autumn air with a hint of what’s to come. I love walking on a leaf covered lane and the sound of leaves rustling under your feet.

What’s your favorite color of fall leaves?
I like them all! I love the contrast between the colors, the red maples against the yellow ash next to the golden birch and the brown oak.



Do you find it more difficult to get up in the morning as the sun comes up later this time of year?
No, I am always up way too early. I wake up long before the sun is even thinking about rising. My problem is that I get tired early in the evening and have a trouble staying awake.

When is the last time you’ve taken a fall or spill and what happened?
About a month ago I capsized a canoe and took an unexpected swim

Sister-in-law Brithday Party

It has been a long day; I drove up to our cottage in New Hampshire and back today over three hundred miles (three hour drive each way). We had a birthday party for my sister-in-law and all of her kids and grandchildren were there, a total nine adults and four grandchildren (two four years olds, one three year old and one six month old). One of my nephews flew back from San Francisco with his girlfriend for a wedding yesterday in Vermont and joined us at the cottage today. Lucky the weather was good so we were not all stuck in the cottage, I think I would have gone nuts if we were all trapped inside for the day. As it was it was bad enough when it was feeding time for the baby and the other three kids were fighting over the toys, it seemed like they always want the toys that the others had.
Anyhow I had a good time with the family and I left around 5:30 so that I could get back home early enough so that I could unwind from the drive back before I went to bed.

Saturday Six - Episode 126

Patrick’s Weekender

1. You find out that you've just gotten a new job in a different state. Besides your spouse, who is the first person you tell?
My brother

2. With the money in your pocket, wallet or purse right now, could you make change for a $20 bill? Could you make change for a $1 bill?
Yes, a ten and ten singles. More then enough loose change to change a $1 bill

3. Is this ability (or lack of ability) to make change a typical reflection of how much cash and coins you regularly carry?
No, I usually try to have 5 - $1, 1 - $5 and at least a $10

4. Take the quiz: What mythological character are you?

You Are a Centaur

In general, you are a very cautious and reserved person. However, you are also warm hearted, and you enjoy helping others in practical ways. You are a great teacher, and you are really good at helping people get their lives in order. You are very intuitive, and you go with your gut. You make good decisions easily.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

5. Are you typically the "heart breaker" or the "broken-hearted" in your relationship history?
Broken-hearted.

6. Considering your answer to #5, would you rather be the opposite?
I rather have a steady relationship.

~Cell Phone Mania~

By the way.....

Are you an avid user/constant talker or never-turn-it-on/emergencies-only user?
I am almost an emergency only type user. If I am going out with friends I will leave it on incase there is a last minute change in plans or if